I feel bad about slacking off a promise

[Thorbjorn]

Several months ago, maybe the end of last year, I made a promise to Thor I would work diligently on my weight training and dieting. Things were going really well for the most part. I had some interruptions due to home and family needs - of course family is most important in Heathenism - but I was getting back on track. Now I feel sort of burned out mentally and physically from the events of the past few months. gym attendance has been spotty - maybe once or twice a week - and the diet has been complete debauchery. I have not been to the gym in about a week and a half. I feel really bad about this slacking off. It's nothing I've never experienced before - layoffs are normal - but I feel particularly bad because I made a promise. My intention is to get back on track, because I have some goals in mind. It was the reason I made the promise in the first place. I asked only that he help me keep it, you know, kind of push me. But I don't think that's how it works. He's not going to push me, especially because as someone said, I made a personal promise, not an oath. Whaddya think?

[MaskedOne]

Re: I feel bad about slacking off a promise

I think setbacks in keeping a pledge are not equivalent to the conscious decision to forswear a pledge. I.E. it isn't a major issue as long as you put in the effort and get back on track. If you don't do so then it might become more of an issue but that's between you and Thor. I don't talk to the guy and I'm not currently intending to alter that so I can't speak for his views on the issue.

[Thorbjorn]

Re: I feel bad about slacking off a promise

Thanks MaskedOne. I do think it's mental burn out. My desire to bust my butt in the gym is there, and I've been making super good progress. I find that when I get home from work from a very very boring IT desk job, which I am grateful for, I just want to crash. I have a 50-60 one way commute, half of which is stop and go through towns, dodging idiot drivers. It's a stressful ride. You'd think that I'd look forward to a change of pace going to the gym. I could go straight to the gym after work instead of going home. I've also been thinking about somehow arranging my mornings to be at the gym by about 5 am. I can shower and dress there (jeans and t shirt most days). I know... where there's a will there's a way.

[dochkaseviir]

Re: I feel bad about slacking off a promise

Hi there, I realize this is an older thread but I'm going through the same thing.A year or two ago, I made a personal promise (not an oath) to a god that I would stop a bad habit. However, I have been unable to do so. This bad habit is more of an addiction and coping method for me (nothing too bad like substance abuse or anything) and so I have been unable to stop it. I have tried to seek help but it's just considered to be such a little thing by most people that it's kind of a nonissue for them. However it bothers me a lot, so in my stupidity, I thought that by promising a god, I would force myself to quit. Now I'm just paranoid that I somehow AM an oathbreaker! I feel terrible.

[Azvanna]

Re: I feel bad about slacking off a promise

Dochkaseviir, I'll get to you in a moment...

I just really want to encourage young ones to think long and hard about contracts and promises they enter in to with anyone at all. Give yourself and the other person leeway to change the terms and conditions. A promise made in your twenties may not be suitable to fulfill in your thirties or forties. This doesn't mean that you are weak-willed. It means you're sensible. I think it's a good idea to refrain from making promises to gods unless they've asked you to modify your behaviour. It's a bit meaningless otherwise. IMO a promise made to another person should directly affect the relationship and would be reciprocal. You can be accountable to someone without making a promise. Make a promise to yourself, and ask the deity if they will agree to hold you accountable.

Also, I just want to address this:

Hi there, I realize this is an older thread but I'm going through the same thing.A year or two ago, I made a personal promise (not an oath) to a god that I would stop a bad habit. However, I have been unable to do so. This bad habit is more of an addiction and coping method for me (nothing too bad like substance abuse or anything) and so I have been unable to stop it. I have tried to seek help but it's just considered to be such a little thing by most people that it's kind of a nonissue for them. However it bothers me a lot, so in my stupidity, I thought that by promising a god, I would force myself to quit. Now I'm just paranoid that I somehow AM an oathbreaker! I feel terrible.

Dochkaseviir, like MO said to Thorbjorn, I think staying on track to fulfill your promise to yourself doesn't make you an oath-breaker. In your position I would again ask for help. Also, I really want to encourage you to find someone to talk to who is trained in helping people to break addictions or to change behaviour. Also, I want to affirm your decision to quit whatever you're involved in. It is never a good spot if someone feels as though the habits that used to help them are now harming them, regardless of what that habit is. It may not be a dangerous behaviour, but maybe you want to be free of the 'need' to engage in that behaviour to feel okay. What you want is the ability to choose from a variety of behaviours, rather than the same kind. Am I right?

[dochkaseviir]

Re: I feel bad about slacking off a promise

Thank you Azvanna. You're absolutely right, I really should try to get help. I will seek it out again, and will hopefully be able to keep my promise. Gods know it'll do me A LOT of good!

[Rae'ya]

Re: I feel bad about slacking off a promise

I gotta say that I'm a bit confused by the inferance that it's okay to break a personal promise but not an oath. Part of of acting with integrity is keeping your word to the best of your ability, regardless of whether it was a formal oath or an offhand promise.

Having said that, the key there is 'to the best of your ability'. It's perfectly okay to renegotiate if circumstances have changed. I've done that myself (not with Thorr, but with Skuld). Thing's change, other commitments arise, we realise we've overextended ourselves or have to prioritise something else. Keeping your word is still possible even if you have to move the goalposts a bit. It's up to you and your god as to what seems reasonable.

But I'd steer clear of the 'it was just a personal promise so it's okay' attitude if I were you. That sort of thinking damages your integrity, which has an impact on your megan and hamingja. A personal promise may not be a binding contract, but it's still important to stick to your word to the best of your ability.