Had a weird attack last week...

[wulfric]

Last week my girlfriend and I had just performed a simple enough ritual to thank our respective deities for their providence in our lives and to ask for protection from some bad forces in our lives. Afterword, she experienced a rapid and short lived bipolar shift into a highly manic stage that she did not remember several minutes later. During the phase, we had intimate relations. After that, I had a panic attack and my inner eye felt like it was exploding from the garbled mass of messages that i was getting. Everything seemed to level out after she talked me through a grounding meditation (her behavior now being normal) and she wrote it off as a "psychic attack" from the mass of energy. I can't quite accept that. There were some serious issues in the ritual and I am wondering how bad this could get and how I can start fixing it. In order of occurrence, here are the problems I saw in the ritual:

1: she smudged several minutes before opening the circle, leaving a gap for bad things to get into the space.
2: after spreading the salt i set both feet outside the circle to turn off the porch light. I then entered the circle.
3: we should have stopped there, or when the candle representing fire wouldn't light.
4: there was an unknown masculine presence in the circle. Neither of us could identify it.
5: I channeled a bit more lunar energy than I would have liked.
6: I participated in intimacy with a very different personality of my girlfriend than I normally see.

So, it looks to me like there could be a serious issue afoot.

I am posting this to ask for possible ideas of what caused the attack(s) and how to get it to go away or stay away.

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Had a weird attack last week...

Rest assured the only serious issue here is that you are casting circles etc., without quite taking them seriously. I don't normally cast a circle when doing spell work - it's not necessary all the time IMHO. However when I DO cast a circle, I make absolutely certain that I take all reasonable precautions. What you did is like putting all your best silver on full view in the front room window and then leaving the front door wide open all night.

So - my advice is always, don't dabble. Know what you are about. Don't break your circle unless you know exactly how to do it and how to close it again - and even then, I would avoid it. Leave the bloody porch light on or switch it off before you start. The light wasn't important, but your attitude towards the powers you were working with was important. And you showed no proper respect.

You even continued with the ritual when there was 'an unknown masculine presence' in the circle - what do you expect? The whole point of a circle is to protect you and not to allow every Tom Dick and Harry to invite themselves along and take up residence.

Anyway, my advice is to do a new ritual to whatever powers you invoked last time and apologise. Keep it simple. Leave the sexual aspect alone (sex within rituals is okay, but it has to be appropriate for the occasion and on this occasion it wouldn't be.) Just say that you know you messed up, you accept you needed to be taught a lesson and you promise to try harder next time.

And best of luck!

[wulfric]

Re: Had a weird attack last week...

I figured the break in the circle was the problem. I knew it was an issue when i did it, but honestly i didn't even think about how much of an issue it could cause. I'm planning to make it right with an apology today. I was taking it seriously, i just didn't realize how small the circle was until i needed another 2 inches to reach the switch (i didn't mind the light myself). I'm calling this one a live and learn lesson. I saw exactly WHY one doesn't do it half way and trust intentions to fill in the gaps.

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Had a weird attack last week...

Don't worry - we all make mistakes and I have made some whoppers in my time. Best of luck!

[Jembru]

Re: Had a weird attack last week...

My thoughts on reading this were similar to Tylluan's, only I also get the feeling neither of you were correctly grounded beforehand. I know everyone has different views on how to be prepared for ritual, but in Wicca, or at least my version, being 'properly prepared' was one of the most important steps in any ritual. Inexperienced witches can be a little like inexperienced horses; once you get one that spooks easily, it can spread through the whole herd and cause a stampede. It only takes one flakey character to get all malodramatic during ritual and real or not, their perceived danger will affect all members and ruin the rite. This is why careful training and preparation of an individual is often necessary before they'd be permitted to take part in full rituals. In your case, you have only one another, so as Tylluan said, take this more seriously and be sure you are grounded and prepared.

Also, in Wicca (in contrast to some other paths), the circle is frequently cut in and out of. Some traditions, especially older ones, have the HP and HPS cast and consecrate the circle before cutting a 'gate' into the circle and permitting entrance. So long as you know how to cut and seal the circle, then toilet breaks and rushing off to find a bottle opener, shouldn't be any problem.

Recently, there has been a movement away from casting a circle at ground level too. Some covens cast at waist or shoulder height so that the group has more space (especially when working indoors, where the diameter of the circle is sometimes so small that only a child could fit inside the circle while standing). Or I have read of traditions visualising an egg instead of a circle, or remaining seated during rituals and crawling in and out of the circle when required: all due to the popularity/requirement of indoor ritual. So have a good, firm idea of what your circle is and how it is cast and perceived. Like Tylluan, as a solitary, I feel less of a need to cast a circle at all, and I don't feel unsafe without one. I'm sure if you asked around this forum, you'd find plenty of folk who never cast a circle in their rites. In 15 years, I never had anything but positive experiences inside a cast circle, so I think your experience is rare. Best of luck with your future rituals.

[wulfric]

Re: Had a weird attack last week...

We made it right with the powers that be last night. There was a definite sense of calm about the whole ordeal afterward, and it seemed like the attack was an attention-getter. Thanks for your input, I am glad you are here for these events which will (hopefully) not occur often. It seemed like our general remorse for the errors and our admission of guilt was a good act, as the Tarot deck that we asked blessings upon is now the best deck I have.