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    Family bed

    I saw in another post that Rafe is doing the family bed. We sorta are...hubby has decided that he needs to snore incessantly loud lately and has moved to the couch until he looses 10 pounds (we think that's what did it) since he wakes up Willa a lot at night. So it's just me and the babe right now!

    Just wondering who else is doing this and wondering what your experiences are - how long did you do it (I know some folks say to stop after a year or you will never get the kids out of bed), worst parts/best parts, reactions from family/friends who knew you were doing it, etc.

    For the most part, it's been a positive experience. Willa started sleeping through the night at 2 months so I no longer needed her in bed since she wasn't nursing every hour (seriously thought I was going to go crazy for awhile there...). But it was still so much easier to just have her near - though she did sleep on a side car then (3 sided crib next to the bed). When she started teething at 5 months, it was back to needing lots of night time parenting. That's when hubby got kicked out since he wasn't helping the light sleeping! But it's been nearly 2 months now and sometimes I feel like she is simply in the habit of latching on since I'm right there. She rarely truly 'feeds' at night, but she wants to latch on every few hours. I've gotten to the point where I can fall back alseep nearly immediately, but I'm still not sleeping as well as I'd like. So I'm thinking of going back to having her on the side car, then moving to a crib in the room. Possibly to her own room by the time she's not nursing at night at all (that will happen again, right?!?! :-\)

    My mother-in-law thinks its weird but she's too nice to say much. My mom thinks I need better sleep, but otherwise has no problem (they did family bed when I was little).

    Anyone else?
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    #2
    Re: Family bed

    We do not--from people that I know that have done it, its nearly hell to get out of as a habit. And really, my kids are vicious sleepers. When they were that age, I just put up with the week or so of fussy kid at bedtime and putting them back in their own beds...

    Sophie is allowed to nap and fall asleep in our room because they share a room, but she gets moved to her own room when we go to bed, or if Collin is solidly sleeping, she lays down in her room on her own. If she wakes up at night and is scared, she generally comes in our room, and sleeps in our bed if neither of us wake up enough to move her. Collin gets put to bed in his room (as did Sophie at that age--but they can't be together or neither sleeps, and he won't lay down to sleep unless there is nothing else for him to do), and if he wakes up, one of us will lay down in his room with him until he falls back asleep. Sometimes, if he's being particularly difficult (he's breaking in 3 of four canines), we move Sophie to the floor in our room (which she prefers--she calls it her "nest&quot and close the door to his room--we've tried letting him sleep with us, but there's no sleeping--he stays awake kicking and climbing over us, and we don't sleep for getting kicked all night.
    Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
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      #3
      Re: Family bed

      I wanted to add that I think whats most important is that your child knows you love them...if someone think thats best achieved by being there for them at night, IMO, thats their business. I just know that in our family, we function better when we sleep...and we sleep when the kids are in their own room, leaving us better equipt to deal with them during the day.

      So if you get more sleep and are a more effective parent by having a family bed, go for it...and if someone has a problem with it, tell them to get over it.

      But if your children are like mine (and there is less room with the second one) and SNORE (ZOMG, some of you have heard Sophie over the cam, you know) louder than mommy and daddy, and kick like a kangaroo, please, for the love of the gods, don't feel bad for letting them fuss themselves to sleep--especially once you get to the toddler age, they aren't fussing because they are hurt or sad or scared, they're fussing because they are MAD that you won't play with them at 2 am (scared is more Sophie's thing now, with that crazy imagination and all sorts of spooky things). And, personally, I don't give into mad...but thats a whole 'nother topic.
      Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
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        #4
        Re: Family bed

        I couldn't do the family bed for the same reasons that Thal mentioned. I can't sleep with my kids in the bed with me and they both snore and fart loudly ALL.....NIGHT.....LONG.....

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          #5
          Re: Family bed

          I think it depends on the kid.

          With my daughter, she was in our bed until she was 18 months. There were a couple of reasons for it. The health problems I'd had while she was tiny(I had a blood clot when she was three months old, and was lucky to keep full use of my leg, a miracle, given it's size and location) meant that she slept on my chest, on the couch for several months. The bars of her crib freaked her out, too. Even when I tried just putting her down and checking every 10 minutes or so(she was 7 months old or so, then again when she was about 13 months), she'd cry for about 3 1/2 hours, pass out for about 45 minutes, and then start all over again. Add in a period between 14 and 18 months where I suddenly had to work full-time, and her father was dealing with serious depression, and it was the best we could do.

          Robby is a lot more calm, though. I think part of it is native personality, and part is that we haven't had the extreme crises that happened when Allie was that small. He's slept in his own bed from day one, baring illness or issues like teething.
          Great Grandmother's Kitchen

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            #6
            Re: Family bed

            I'm not a parent, but I'd sorta be concerned about our sex life. That aside though, it must be nice and securing for very young children. I never got to do it because I had very bad asthma as a young child and often had to sleep in a humidity tent, but I used to get so scared (maybe because of my health problems too) and I was always so comforted when my parents came.

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              #7
              Re: Family bed

              [quote author=DanieMarie link=topic=549.msg7742#msg7742 date=1288291786]
              I'm not a parent, but I'd sorta be concerned about our sex life. That aside though, it must be nice and securing for very young children. I never got to do it because I had very bad asthma as a young child and often had to sleep in a humidity tent, but I used to get so scared (maybe because of my health problems too) and I was always so comforted when my parents came.
              [/quote]

              I was under the impression that sex all-but-stops once you have children...

              On an unrelated note, I don't have children either, but mom did the family bed thing with my youngest brother (who is currently 6) and he still wants to sleep with her sometimes NOW. She had a hell of a time weaning him off it. As it is, mom and my little brother share a bedroom, just with separate beds.


              Mostly art.

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                #8
                Re: Family bed

                I'd like to preface this by saying that I totally believe that every parent, every family, makes their own decisions on this and I believe our choices (by which I mean my family's choices) are best for us, but not necessarily for everyone.

                I wanted to do the family bed from the beginning. Dark and I are both big people and we sleep on a very soft bed, so having an infant in between us was absolutely NOT an option, however. For the first few months, Jack slept in a bassinet next to my side of the bed. Then, when he outgrew it but wasn't big enough to sleep with us, he slept in the playpen next to my side of the bed. For a couple of months he slept in his crib in his own room, but that didn't last long. Now, he sleeps between us.

                When he slept in his crib, he would wake up every three or four hours and want a bottle, so Dark would wake up and get it for him, feed him, put his pacifier in his mouth and come back to bed.

                The reasons we moved him in bed with us: (1) I would always panic when I woke up to hear him crying and I couldn't get Dark to wake up fast enough and fix it to satisfy me. Jack would cry for 2 to 5 minutes while Dark woke up and got a bottle ready and I would have to lie there and listen or get up with him, and either choice wasn't worth the stress.
                (2) He doesn't need a bottle to go back to sleep anymore, which also means no more nighttime diaper changes. Now when he wakes up, he doesn't freak out because he knows we're next to him, and he just turns over and goes back to sleep.
                (3) Dark gets to have some cuddle time with him since he works all day, five days a week.

                So we all sleep better, we don't have to run the heater at night because we keep each other warm, and I like the feel of a little toddler next to me. Plus, waking up in the morning is a LOT LESS STRESSFUL. We can lie there for a while and slowly wake up while he mutters to himself and plays with his hands or crawls to the window and looks outside (the bed is against the wall and right under a window).

                Obviously, there are cons - for instance, Jack has a habit of rolling in my direction like a tornado, or twisting sideways so his legs are over my shoulders and his head is on Dark's chest. And last night when Jack threw up all over me. I mean SOAKED ME, and it wouldn't have happened if he had been in a crib. But the pros outweigh the cons for us. I feel better knowing that, if he's sick in another way (just a random example, when my father's lung collapsed in the middle of the night and he couldn't yell for help, or when my brother recently had a blood sugar attack and would have died if his girlfriend hadn't been in bed with him) and needs us, we won't be far away. I know that's what baby monitors are for, and that's perfectly fine, but it just makes me feel more secure.

                Plus, those zombie dreams I mentioned a while back? It also makes me feel better knowing that no one can come in and snatch my kid at night without crawling over me first. I heard once from someone who felt that there was something perverted about a child sleeping with their parent of the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever), like they would develop unnatural feelings or something. Well, personally, even if that WAS the case, I'd rather be in bed with my child to prevent it before it happens rather than find out later my child was abused down the hall while I slept (maybe I watch too much SVU).


                [quote author=DanieMarie link=topic=549.msg7742#msg7742 date=1288291786]
                I'm not a parent, but I'd sorta be concerned about our sex life.
                [/quote]

                This might be a little too personal (you've been warned), but we have always preferred to have sex in the middle of the day anyway, so even losing a little nookie at night is made up for later! Even so, we have a guest bedroom and it's not like we all go to sleep at the baby's bedtime every night. We never just roll over and have sex in the middle of the night or anything - I'm much too tired once I lie down and get sleepy to have random sex at 3AM or even when I first wake up in the morning - so it's never been a problem.

                Most importantly, I like the idea of my family sleeping together, and when it comes right down to it, that's my number one reason. I like the idea of putting two queens together and sleeping in one bed with three children and my husband. Sleeping in a pile like hamsters totally appeals to me. So I'm not worried about what I'll do when we kick the kids out of our bed, because we have no intention of doing so. We're going to be one of those families with mattresses on the floor and an 11-year-old, a 9 year old and a 5 year old all sleeping together, I can see it now.


                [quote author=thalassa link=topic=549.msg7670#msg7670 date=1288281184]
                We do not--from people that I know that have done it, its nearly hell to get out of as a habit. And really, my kids are vicious sleepers. When they were that age, I just put up with the week or so of fussy kid at bedtime and putting them back in their own beds...

                Sophie is allowed to nap and fall asleep in our room because they share a room, but she gets moved to her own room when we go to bed, or if Collin is solidly sleeping, she lays down in her room on her own. If she wakes up at night and is scared, she generally comes in our room, and sleeps in our bed if neither of us wake up enough to move her. Collin gets put to bed in his room (as did Sophie at that age--but they can't be together or neither sleeps, and he won't lay down to sleep unless there is nothing else for him to do), and if he wakes up, one of us will lay down in his room with him until he falls back asleep. Sometimes, if he's being particularly difficult (he's breaking in 3 of four canines), we move Sophie to the floor in our room (which she prefers--she calls it her "nest&quot and close the door to his room--we've tried letting him sleep with us, but there's no sleeping--he stays awake kicking and climbing over us, and we don't sleep for getting kicked all night.
                [/quote]

                Actually, it sounds like (to a certain extent) you have a part-time family bed, for Sophie at least. I mean, she knows that sometimes she's welcome in your bed. A family bed doesn't have to be every family member all the time - I think when most people think of the concept, they're picturing something like the hamster-pile I mentioned above.

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                  #9
                  Re: Family bed

                  We're going to be one of those families with mattresses on the floor and an 11-year-old, a 9 year old and a 5 year old all sleeping together, I can see it now.
                  Because I cannot tell sarcasm on the computer...are you serious about this bit? I remember when I was 11...just getting girly parts going..just getting into touching myself under the covers. ???
                  Satan is my spirit animal

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                    #10
                    Re: Family bed

                    [quote author=Medusa link=topic=549.msg7844#msg7844 date=1288313102]
                    Because I cannot tell sarcasm on the computer...are you serious about this bit?
                    [/quote]
                    Mostly sarcasm, but I don't think I'd care if we did turn out like that.

                    I remember when I was 11...just getting girly parts going..just getting into touching myself under the covers.
                    They don't have to stay there - kiddos can get their own beds in their own bedrooms whenever they want to!

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                      #11
                      Re: Family bed

                      [quote author=Raphaeline link=topic=549.msg7847#msg7847 date=1288313665]
                      Mostly sarcasm, but I don't think I'd care if we did turn out like that.

                      They don't have to stay there - kiddos can get their own beds in their own bedrooms whenever they want to!
                      [/quote]
                      Well yeah, you are right about that.
                      I guess as an only (sorta, half siblings were adults by the time I came around) i don't know that feeling of sharing beds. Could be something people are comfy with.
                      Satan is my spirit animal

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                        #12
                        Re: Family bed

                        Ditto for us fellas on what Medusa said ... I will even admit to changing my own sheets once in a great while ... I think I was around 11 or 12 then ... Dang that was ... ummmmmmmmmm ... over 40 years ago ...
                        I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them ... John Bernard Books


                        Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official; "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

                        The Chief nodded in agreement.

                        The official continued; "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

                        The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine Man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

                        Then the chief leaned back and smiled; "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."



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                          #13
                          Re: Family bed

                          [quote author=magusjinx link=topic=549.msg7852#msg7852 date=1288313961]
                          Ditto for us fellas on what Medusa said ... I will even admit to changing my own sheets once in a great while ... I think I was around 11 or 12 then ... Dang that was ... ummmmmmmmmm ... over 40 years ago ...
                          [/quote]
                          Well I really started at about 5. But I had no idea what I was doing! :-[
                          Satan is my spirit animal

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                            #14
                            Re: Family bed

                            Wow, it's amazing how different people are. I would have been fine sharing a bed until I was 13-14. That was actually one of the reasons I was really sad I never had a little sister, since I tended to get lonely and freaked out at night, but while two girls in the same bed would have been fine in my family, a boy and a girl (or two boys for that matter) wasn't.
                            Great Grandmother's Kitchen

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                              #15
                              Re: Family bed

                              [quote author=Deseret link=topic=549.msg8019#msg8019 date=1288363199]
                              Wow, it's amazing how different people are. I would have been fine sharing a bed until I was 13-14. That was actually one of the reasons I was really sad I never had a little sister, since I tended to get lonely and freaked out at night, but while two girls in the same bed would have been fine in my family, a boy and a girl (or two boys for that matter) wasn't.
                              [/quote]

                              Really? I've never liked sleeping with other people. When I was little, I slept in my own bed, in my own room - as siblings came along, I sometimes had to share my room. Now? The idea of touching my siblings grosses me out, let alone sleeping with them.

                              I think it stems from the fact that I think my siblings are disgusting.


                              Mostly art.

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