Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Marriage in different cultures

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Marriage in different cultures

    This thread is made about curiosity and I don't expect it to live very long, but...

    I've been wondering the ages people are getting married in the US and maybe in the UK too and how soon that's expected to happen. What do you think is the most common age to get married in your country/culture? And how long do the couples usually date before it? Do people usually live together at first and then get married or is it expected that people first get married and then move together?

    To me it seems that people in the States are getting married sooner than over here. Like after one or two years? Maybe that's just my imagination and/or I've just encountered unusual couples. :P To me the idea seems weird because in Finland it's not common to marry at the young age. People getting married when they are 20 or less are almost always either hardcore Christians or have been together forever (like; since they first realised that they like boys/girls, from their early teens). Here the average age of women getting married for the first time in their lives was 30,2 and for men the average was 32,5 (2009). Also the age for women to have their first baby is rising all the time and is probably over 30 at the moment. I think that the most common wedding couple is probably 26-years-old woman and 28-years-old man.

    People also are in a relationship and also engaged several years before they get married. I don't think there are any statistics about this, but my guess would be that people usually date eachother one or two years, then they move together and after couple of years they might get engaged and start planning the wedding.

    My humble opinion is that people are afraid of getting married. The culture of freedom, forever-lasting youth etc. makes people to become distressed about making "lifetime-promises". On the other hand it's wise to get to know the person really well (=live together). Of course the other reason is that people are more and more educated and they don't want to have babies, get married etc. until they life has settled down after studies.

    #2
    Re: Marriage in different cultures

    Both here in Germany and in Canada I think there's a really big split between big and medium cities and smaller cities, towns and rural areas. People I grew up with in my home town of 30,000 as well as people I know from smaller areas tend to get married earlier. I'd say a HUGE portion of people I gradded with who hung around town are married now (and a couple already divorced). I see the same trend here, but not first hand as I live in Berlin. People I know that moved to Victoria (medium city), Vancouver or Toronto, or live here, tend to be less likely to be married. I think most people in Berlin tend to marry after 30 (a few in their late 20s), and I think the average seems to be somewhere around 27-32 for Canadian cities.
    I think who I know might also be a factor though. Both my friends here and my friends in cities in Canada tend to be more educated. They did their time at university and are working on careers now. In Germany especially you finish university super late (if you're on the old diplom system, as most people my age still are, you finish around 26) so if you really want to wait until your career is solid you'll be waiting past 30 for sure. And a lot of people here don't get married at all, or live together for ages before deciding "hey, why not?"

    I think I see the same thing about the fear of committing as you do over here, and my single friends in Canada experience it as well. I think we're a generation that has so many options, that it's hard to think of settling down. It makes me kind of sad, because I'd really like to have a relationship and eventually get married, but it's so hard to find a guy that doesn't just want to sleep around, especially since there are so many girls sleeping around so it's not like they don't have options. A lot of people in Berlin (which I have sometimes deemed "Never Never Land" due to the extreme amount of people with Peter Pan complexes here) seem to think that if you get married and have a career, you'll be "boring", which I think is a load of BS because a) you'll only be boring if you have no personality to begin with, and b) no one said you can't travel, have adventures and all that jazz if you're married, unless you make the mistake of marrying someone who doesn't share your interests.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Marriage in different cultures

      I'd say it really varies even in one single country. Like over here in Egypt, it's very different depending on how much money you have, and also where you come from.
      [4:82]

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Marriage in different cultures

        I am from the US and my personal opinion is that we are not learning from our parents mistakes. Teens and young adults are getting married too soon or for the "wrong" reasons. For example two of my friends have a year old baby and therefor think the HAVE to get married when the have the money even though they pretty much hate each other and are consistently arguing every week.

        My boyfriend and I both come from divorced families so we are taking things slow. We knew each other for six months, then dated for one year, we now have lived together for a year and are beginning to discuss the possibility of engagement. The "plan" is to be engaged for one-two years before we marry.

        Not to say our way is the right way because it is a possibility our marriage could fail like any other but I do believe my first statement is correct which is why the divorce rate in the states keeps growing.
        sigpic

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Marriage in different cultures

          I'm in the US. I would say that there is a trend of younger people marrying, but also there's a higher trend in of divorces as well. Personally, I'm 20 and engaged now. We plan to get married in 2013 however, so we are having a 3 year engagement. And we've been "dating" since we were 16 and knew each other for the better part of a year before that. So we'll have spent 7 years getting to know each other before we actually get married. We'll be 23 and I want to start having children around the time I'm 25.

          In my graduating class, we had somewhere around 15-20 babies at the time of graduation. Since then, there has probably been about 10 more, so 25-30. Several of those children belong to parents who had more than one child. For instance, a friend of mine had 2 babies. Another girl has had 3 or 4. One is having twins. Most of these people have not stayed in the relationship with the babies father, though I do beleive some of them are married. However, I would say in my area babies do not equate marriage.

          I have one close friend who is in the military and has a military husband, she's 20 as well. Another of my friends is engaged to a marine and has been with him for 4 years as well. They started dating a few months before my fiance and myself. Yet another aquaintance who joined the military is married and expecting a child. These are all people within a year or two of my age. This leads to another point, which I imagine might be a tad contravertial. I think that with all the wars the US is engaged in (whether you agree with them or not) we have an increased pressure to join the military when we graduate. Joining the military matures people at a much faster rate. So these people are "ready" to get married and take that responsibility sooner.
          We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

          I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
          It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
          Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
          -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

          Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Marriage in different cultures

            [quote author=Shahaku link=topic=736.msg11698#msg11698 date=1289430523]
            This leads to another point, which I imagine might be a tad contravertial. I think that with all the wars the US is engaged in (whether you agree with them or not) we have an increased pressure to join the military when we graduate. Joining the military matures people at a much faster rate. So these people are "ready" to get married and take that responsibility sooner.
            [/quote]

            This also gives me an idea that it might be that war makes people to feel a need to make commitments and have something "stable" and "lasting". Because even when it's been fought far away, I guess it makes people feel more insecure when it's always present in the media.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Marriage in different cultures

              I don't know if it's just that though....marriage trends have moved younger than in the 90's in Canada too, and though Canada is in Afghanistan there is no pressure to join the military and few people do. I'd be more tempted to say it's more of a wider social trend in North America. I'm not 100% sure on this, but I've seen studies done that point to the fact that Gen X was more into careers and materialism and less big on commitment, and as generations tend to swing back and forth, Gen Y is a little more conservative and traditional.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Marriage in different cultures

                There's definitely been a conservative swing in America. I'd agree with that very much.

                For me, I grew up within the LDS faith, which is currently swinging from conservative, to extremely so. Members are encouraged to go to a church-run college if possible (the largest one, which I attended, is in Utah, with smaller branches in Idaho and Hawaii). Women are encouraged to complete their degree if possible, and continue to attend school if you don't get married soon, however, there is also an immense degree of pressure to marry a return missionary. Since intimacy is not allowed before marriage(and in any form more intense then kissing can lead to being kicked out of school), courtships are short. I met my husband in September, and because things were heating up quickly, we got married at the beginning of January. My parents are still angry at him for that.

                Up until about 10 years ago, birth control was spoken against strongly from the pulpit, and now that things are becoming more conservative again, I'm seeing an increase in "don't wait to have kids" speeches. This leads to a lot of babies born while both parents are still trying to attend school, and many grad students with as many as 4 children to support. I knew a lot of families that were forced to rely heavily on family assistance, or in which both parents donated plasma to try to make ends meet. This, however, tends to be kept secret, because the assumption is that God will bless you for being faithful, and there's a lot of shame tied to a man not being able to support his own family.

                I ended up dropping out of college when I developed a very large blood clot in my leg after my daughter was born, in addition to rather serious PPD, which I did my best to hide after the response within our student ward. Fiddly was told to by our bishop to drop out and support his family, rather then finish his last semester, because we didn't attend church enough for our bishop to consider us worthy of assistance.

                Here in Idaho, there are so few prospects, that I'm seeing a lot of girls see no reason to even try to get to college, and get married in high school.

                Am I bitter? Yes...it would be unfair for me to claim otherwise. After almost 6 years of marriage, we're finally recovering from following the LDS church's advice on marriage and family. While I still have normally warm feelings toward the religion I was raised in, that is one area in which it's very difficult to either forgive or forget.

                Great Grandmother's Kitchen

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Marriage in different cultures

                  Here in the UK I experienced something that shocked me to the core.

                  I got engaged when i was 18. I had been with that person 9 months, and while I felt warmly towards them, I wasn't sure whether it was to be forever. However I felt so pressurised by the proposal that I went ahead and said yes. It was the worst mistake of my life. I said yes because I felt like I had to and he only asked me before I went away to uni so he could put his mark on me, I realised later.

                  When I got to uni, I found another two girls who were also engaged and became very very good friends with them, because unlike the others we didn't go out clubbing and wear loads of slap just to attract male attention.

                  Over the years at uni I realised I did not love the person I was supposed to marry, but stick with him for a further 8 months. Then I met my current partner and eventually convinced myself if I was ever going to do myself and my happiness justice, I had to get out.

                  2 years after leaving uni I've discovered both my friend's relationships also fell to pieces for the same reasons. I found myself shocked beyond all measure. Is this what engagemtn has become to the young people in britain now? A desperate way to try and keep a relationship together, to mark someone as your property? The whole experience has put so many doubts in my mind about the future. i would love to marry one day but i have no idea now what is the right time or why I should do it...

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Marriage in different cultures

                    I think that's fairly common in certain circles, no matter the generation, Mishka. You should have heard my grandmother going off about girls getting "pinned" just because they liked the attention.
                    Great Grandmother's Kitchen

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Marriage in different cultures

                      [quote author=pihlaja link=topic=736.msg12015#msg12015 date=1289493768]
                      This also gives me an idea that it might be that war makes people to feel a need to make commitments and have something "stable" and "lasting". Because even when it's been fought far away, I guess it makes people feel more insecure when it's always present in the media.
                      [/quote]

                      Yeah, that's very possible. But what I get talking to my military friends in particular is that they just felt like they were with the right person and "ready".

                      [quote author=DanieMarie link=topic=736.msg12018#msg12018 date=1289494590]
                      I don't know if it's just that though....marriage trends have moved younger than in the 90's in Canada too, and though Canada is in Afghanistan there is no pressure to join the military and few people do. I'd be more tempted to say it's more of a wider social trend in North America. I'm not 100% sure on this, but I've seen studies done that point to the fact that Gen X was more into careers and materialism and less big on commitment, and as generations tend to swing back and forth, Gen Y is a little more conservative and traditional.
                      [/quote]

                      I wouldn't say that military involvement is the only reason, but around here I believe that it's a portion of the cause.

                      [quote author=Deseret link=topic=736.msg12029#msg12029 date=1289496699]
                      There's definitely been a conservative swing in America. I'd agree with that very much.
                      [/quote]

                      I wonder if that's a religious (as in certian religious groups) or regional thing? In my home town, we had a bit more of a focus on lasting relationships, but it didn't seem at all overwhelming or hugely different from the adults in the area. Of course, my hometown is a bit odd. Last I heard, we were in the second worse county for drug use and the second worst town in that county. We had a book written on us called Methland, actually. And there was also a rather high rate of homosexuality/bisexuality and of "different" religions (mostly pagan). To me, that doesn't point to conservative so much.
                      We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

                      I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
                      It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
                      Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
                      -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

                      Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Marriage in different cultures

                        Also, our parents were a HUGE swing culture. They were rejecting the values of their parents, who married a LOT earlier (even by our standards). Now our generation is kind of going back.

                        As to Europe, I do find that Europe is "behind" North America (and the UK too actually) culturally in a lot of aspects of life. Not everywhere, but definitely here and even moreso in France and Italy and Spain and places. Women were still expected to give up their careers after they had kids here until VERY recently, and even little things (like shops were closed after 6 pm on weekdays until just before I moved here) reflected that (and somethings still do like you're not supposed to vacuum on Sundays because of the noise....but WHO has real time any other day when you work all week and have to run errands on Saturday? Would they rather we vacuum at night? Isn't Sunday in the day better?) To not give up your career meant you'd be seen as a "bad mother." Since things are just changing now, I think my generation tends to be the "swing generation" that rejects things our parents did.

                        Another really odd thing that's behind here is the culture surrounding the internet. We're a good 10 years behind on our dot-com boom....there is a site (or five) popping up for everything these days. Should be interesting to see which ones make it out of the inevitable fail that will happen in a couple of years! Anyway, that's kind of pointless, but in a way not, because I think that it's because our generation is wanting to free up time and enjoys the convenience of the internet over the more traditional ways that even Gen X clung onto here.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Marriage in different cultures

                          Alright, I realize this is a bit of an old topic, but I feel like adding some input because I am bored, and marriage has been on my mind a lot lately.

                          I came from a very, very small town in California, where you are basically expected to marry your high school sweet heart. No real reason other than not many get the chance to leave the town and meet other people. I escaped that fate, but I did marry young. I am 26, I have been married for 7 years, and have two children, (5 and 3). I met my husband in the military, and we are considered a "tech school marriage"

                          For those of you that dont know, Tech School is (in the Air Force) where you learn your job and can be as little as 6 weeks or as much as 3 years. We had a year long school, and in that I can remember 7 couples (includding us) that ended up married. 5 of those were divorced within 6 months, and 1 is still together though they cheat on eachother constantly. Of these seven couples, we are the only ones that have lasted, not with out our problems, but overall we have a strong relationship. These mini stats are fairly typical in the younger and lower ranking military.

                          Most (I am only going to speak for AF now, since it is the culture I am fimiliar with) people in Tech School want out of the dorms, the only way out is to be married, or want to ensure they get thier next station together. It doesnt always work. I will admit that I married my husband about a year after we met, about 8 months after we started seeing each other exclusivly. The maturity thing is one tiny aspect, but there is the incentive of staying with the person on your next base, getting BAH (Basic Housing Allowance, which military to military is pretty good) and young "love". Most of these kids (myself included) are away from home for the first time, on thier own for the first time, and dating a lot for the first time.

                          OK I realize that this is not making much sense, I am tired so =P.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Marriage in different cultures

                            Just thought I would toss in this tidbit I found ...

                            " Gay marriage, having been illegal for so long, takes a sharp rise wherever it is introduced. When San Francisco legalized gay marriage, 4,037 marriage licenses were issued and 3,995 gay couples were married in the several months before the state intervened and voided the marriages. In a review of the names of couples it was found 57 % of the couples were lesbian. Demographic information also showed most of the couples were older and better educated than average newlywed couples, with more than 74% over 35 years old and 69 % holding a college degree.

                            For the first six months after gay marriage was legalized in the Netherlands, same-sex marriages made up 3.6% of the total number of marriages. The numbers have steadily dropped since then to around 3%, with 2,500 gay couples marrying in 2001, 1,800 in 2002, 1,200 in 2004, and 1,100 in 2005.

                            Gay marriage has not been legalized long enough to establish gay divorce gay marriage statistics. In opposite-sex marriages, divorce rates vary from country to country, although in the West statistics are usually taken to be interchangeable.

                            In a 2005 study it was found that 60 % of all opposite-sex marriages in the US ended in divorce in the first decade and 80 % in the first 20 years. The divorce rate has been on the decline sine 1980, with 40% of all marriages ending in divorce in 1980, reduced to 31 % by 2002.

                            The religious views of an area will have an affect on divorce rates. Divorce rates are low in Muslim communities, but are on the rise. In Singapore recently the divorce rate has risen.

                            The divorce rates of opposite-sex couples may not necessarily give any indication of divorce in gay marriage. Gay couples, having had to struggle to be married, exhibit a strong sense of commitment to each other and to marriage. Different religious and social pressures also apply to gay couples, which may affect divorce rates."http://gaymarriage.lifetips.com/cat/...ics/index.html

                            I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them ... John Bernard Books


                            Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official; "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

                            The Chief nodded in agreement.

                            The official continued; "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

                            The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine Man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

                            Then the chief leaned back and smiled; "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."



                            Comment

                            Working...
                            X