View Full Version : Loving a Pagan Woman

14 Nov 2015, 07:05
Hello all. I've fallen madly in love with a woman who is pagan/wicca. Things have gotten a bit rough as of late and I'm trying to improve things. I myself am somewhat atheist/agnostic. I am interested in learning more about her beliefs but I would rather learn from her than try to research things. I wouldn't really know where to start. From my understanding no two pagans are the same, with as much (if not more) variety as Christians. How can I get her to open up to me? To help me learn and understand what she believes. She's mentioned a few things that seemed not only interesting but relatable to me. I want to learn more, both to know more about something that is a major part of her and to learn something that seems it could make a great deal of sense to me. I'm not sure I worded that well but I hope everyone understands. My next question is this, are there any pagan/wiccan customs or traditions in regards to courting/dating that I could apply to our relationship? I don't really know where to begin with all this but I want to learn and I want to show her I'm putting in effort to understand her, communicate with her, and show her my love.

14 Nov 2015, 07:19
Hello and welcome. Honestly? Tell her what you just told us; that you genuinely would like to know more about something that is important to her. Ask her if there's something you could read if she doesn't want to explain everything from scratch.
But you musy understand that for some people, telling others about their beliefs can be really hard and takes a whole lot of trust. Many of us don't even tell our families. So really, it's patience and genuine interest, and an open non-judgemental attitude.

I don't know any special customs... there might be, but I don't know them. Just remember 'pagan' isn't all she is, she's still a woman.

14 Nov 2015, 07:56
I've tried asking her. That's how I got her to tell me a little. She did seem a little hesitant to tell me more. Asking her for some suggested reading sounds like a great idea. She has a hard time explaining things. And yes I know she's also a woman, I was just looking for some way to cater to her specifically in a Pagan way. To show my interest in her and her beliefs at the same time. Thank you for your reply and suggestions.

14 Nov 2015, 08:01
What iris said.

Just do some research yourself. This is a great place to find out more about the different pagan paths and people's views on them. There's also a looooot of books about paganism.

It's great you want to know more about her and her pagan path. I can't help but just you give a little advice concerning choosing a new path (if that's where you'll be going). Don't become a pagan for her, only if that's what really, truely feels right for you. I had this (now ex-)boyfriend once who decided to become a witch just because I was a witch back then. It totally didn't fit him, but he became so determined in converting himself. After we broke up (which was for other reasons than this), he didn't care at all about witchcraft anymore.

Besides that, great you want to know more about paganism :D Welcome to the forum.

14 Nov 2015, 08:09
Very good point. At this point I'm not interested in converting. I want to learn more first. I don't believe I know enough to consider it yet. But I agree, it wouldn't be something I do for her but for myself, if that's the way things unfold. She may have sparked my interest but I would not change who I am for someone else. Thank you as well for your reply.

14 Nov 2015, 13:59
As an absolute newbe, I would recommend "Paganism:An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions" by Joyce and River Higginbotham and if you are still interested in the transformation read "Pagan Spirituality" by the same author. These books have exercises at the end of each chapter and represent an over-view of beliefs similar or common to most practices. It does not concentrate on Wicca, like so many books.
I have had favorable reviews from Christians, Agnostics and even Atheists after loaning our copies out to curious folks concerned for their children taking the first steps in becoming pagan.

14 Nov 2015, 14:06
Lay it out to her. Let her know because you love her, you want to know more about her spirituality. Not to judge her, but so you can grow closer as a couple.

16 Nov 2015, 17:05
All of the above and give it time! Don't try to rush :) You sound very respectful of her so part of this will be allowing her time to choose when she opens up. There might remain some things you will never come to understand about her. Put it down to feminine mystery! You're doing a great job!

19 Nov 2015, 01:01
About the only advice I can give is make sure when (Hopefully!) she does decide to tell you is give her your FULL attention. I don't know you so I'm not accusing ect . but I am one of those people who can focus on 3+ things at once and the only similar situation I can think of was when my GF told me about her childhood finally after 4 years together ( and only then 'cause we were going to her brother's wedding. I dropped everything and focused completely on her.

08 Dec 2015, 06:06
yeah, took me a while to recover from that wedding. it's not an exact analogy, but it is about as relevant as any other. something that had a deep impact on me, that would have others judge me if they knew about it. i never really talked about it because of that, and it gets harder to start talking about things the longer you don't talk about it, no matter whether it's a positive or negative subject, so it'll be a drawn out process, but, as everyone is saying, let her know you're interested, get general knowledge so it's easier for you to understand - and thus easier for her to tell you - and be very, very patient.

Also, i don't think anyone else answered this - courting/dating customs? you'd need to give us more specifics, which you don't yet have, so that someone with similar beliefs could help you with that.