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Corvus
03 Feb 2011, 09:05
This thread is about comeing out of the closet (not the broom closet) feel free to share your own stories, advice tips, and such. I am too chicken to tell my family but everyone else knows. It took some time to get around but most people have been cool with it (pretty good for a 99% catholic town; then again I do live in the north east) still there are plenty of people who just pounced on that and wont leave me alone. My dad is homophobic as is my brother so I wont be telling them any time soon. Well how did you come out? Do you have any plans to? Do you have any tip or advice for others? So I think that'll be it, if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning talk here :D

MistressVarda
03 Feb 2011, 09:31
I didn't have a big dramatic coming out. I figured out I was gay in high school and I'm very glad to say I have very supportive friends. My best friends were the first to know, and they didn't bat an eye about it. My family (except for my dad) knows, and again they're all supportive too. My mom turned into a mini PFLAG mom, its cute. I know my extended family (uncles and aunts and cousins) have a problem with gays, but honestly, I don't care about their opinion. They've all disowned their own kids and siblings because they were gay, so I'm not holding my breath for them to accept me. I think the reason I'm ok with that is because I know its my life, and I have the support of the people I care about the most. Plus, if people choose to hate me just because of the people I love, then I don't want them in my life. I understand how hard it is for people to come out, and the only advice I can suggest is to make sure you're in a situation where coming out isn't going to endanger you. If its safer for you to be in the closet for a little while longer, then just chill. I don't like when people force others to come out. Its a personal choice. Do it when you're ready.

Shadow Dragon
03 Feb 2011, 10:19
I'm a transgendered, bisexual girl and still in the closet in real life. Though I am pretty much out online.

Just as an aside about the poll, transgender isn't an orientation. :p

Corvus
03 Feb 2011, 10:52
Just as an aside about the poll, transgender isn't an orientation. :p

Oops my bad could a mod remove that option?

LiadanWillows
03 Feb 2011, 12:15
I am straight but I have had sexual thoughts about women. I have never been with a woman in an intimate way but the thought doesn't repulse me in any way. women are beautiful.

Sirius
03 Feb 2011, 12:34
I'm straight. The thought of being with a guy is not something that even comes close to happening. I have no problem with other avenues of intimacy, we are all free to experience this life on our own terms, as long as it harms no one.

Dez
03 Feb 2011, 12:43
Oops my bad could a mod remove that option?

There we go! Fixed ;)

Rowanwood
03 Feb 2011, 12:47
Althought I am straight, I have watched this process with several friends and family members and I can only imagine how emotionally taxing it can be. I would say that it really isn't so different that coming out of the "broom closet" however. It a matter of how open you want to be with your personal preferences/choices/what-not with your family/friends/co-workers/etc.

I have seen some people lose family over this, but in the end I think being brave (when you are an adult and able to care for yourself away from the people you need to tell of course) is the way to go. It shows you who really cares about YOU and who just cares about the image you present.

My two cents, from the broom closet perspective and the watching position anyway. :)

Good Luck!

DanieMarie
03 Feb 2011, 13:13
I'm straight as well, and I agree with the above!

magusjinx
03 Feb 2011, 13:17
Straight now ... Was curious back in the day ... Now I know what I like and what I want (sorta I guess) ... The real fun is a threesome ... Either way is ok for me ... Two gals or a gal and another guy ... But if it is with another guy and a gal I prefer to work with the gal ...

TearDropStar
03 Feb 2011, 13:31
Well originally I came out as being bisexual to some of my friends and my dad and step mom when I was a senior in high school. Well when I went to college I met a guy and we dated twice that semester and I realized I was fully gay. My dad sort of figured out that I was gay on his own. I told my mother over the phone I was gay. Yeah not a good idea to do. The following semester I started to deny myself as being gay because I was trying to be Christian and certain people were telling me to pray it away and they called it a demon. Because of that I got depressed and got suicidal. One day in March I had a breakdown and went to a crisis unit. Because of that I had to take a leave of absence the rest of the semester. Well when fall came rolling around I went back to college and it started over again. I went to the crisis unit and had to withdraw from college. So close to three years now I have finally accepted who I am and I know that no one is going to change me. My dad's side accepts me but my mother still thinks that I am not gay. Well to end this now I for about two months now I have been wearing my gay pride necklace I got for my birthday.

DanieMarie
03 Feb 2011, 14:04
Awwww

I think that whether you tell other people or not, you always have to at least be truthful with yourself. I'm glad you learned to accept who you are <3

Rowanwood
03 Feb 2011, 14:16
I agree with Danie. Even if you aren't ready to share something so personal with the rest of the world, hurting yourself is always sad. It's one of the unfortunate things (in my mind) about highly regimented theologies. They sometimes encourage a lot of denial.

Tylluan Penry
03 Feb 2011, 15:09
Straight, old fashioned but passionate.....:) you know the biggest problem I have is with terminology. And PLEASE don't think I'm being facetious in any way here.... it really does bother me somewhat.

I mean, if I weren't straight why couldn't I be curved? And if I weren't gay - could I be grumpy instead? The words just don't seem right somehow.... maybe we should invent some new ones (and no, I'm not trying to do that.)

And why do I worry about terminology anyway? ;) People are what matter. And I believe that people should follow their hearts.

Sithis
03 Feb 2011, 16:00
I'm bisexual. I figured it out after a sort of reawakening to myself at fifteen. I grew up in a Christian family before and lived in a small town, so I'd never even toyed with the thought of other dudes before then. I realized very quickly that it was something appealing to me, and my romantic encounters with the same sex have always felt just as correct as they have with those of the female persuasion.

Coming out to my friends was easy, it was just kind of a shocked reaction and then the usual "Are you sure it's not a phase? Are you just curious?" and of course "derp derp bisexuality doesn't exist", but that only lasted a short time before it was pretty clear I was serious. Now it's just kind of accepted and rarely brought up unless we're making fun of each other and they call me a "devil-worshiping fag", but it's all in good fun. We're the kind of friends that are merciless with each other.

My cousin knows as well. We've always been close and she's an open-minded Christian so she thought it was great. I'm not sure how many of the other family members know, and while I'm not flamboyant, I also don't hide it.

My mom took it pretty hard on the other hand, and only now many months later has she even begun trying to accept it. She's been a pain in the ass as far as that goes, but she's a pain in the ass about everything, so it doesn't really matter. I came out to her at the same time I came out about my paganism (a bad choice in retrospect) and she both almost vomited and cried and flat-out didn't believe me for months.

Anu
03 Feb 2011, 18:02
I'm, like, anything sexual. Humansexual. Peoplesexual. I like who I like. My parents don't know, but I doubt they would be surprised if I brought home someone not-male. My last boyfriend was a cross-dresser. Nothing surprises them anymore about who I date.

Truthfully, I think I'm leaning more towards ladies lately, although I've only been out on dates with guys since my last relationship. It's actually really annoying, although I did just update my online dating profile to "girls only". (I know, it's super-pathetic I do online dating: but I work from home and don't go to clubs!)

Arrow
03 Feb 2011, 18:18
I hope you had an option for an Ace, or just none of the above, because otherwise I can't answer the poll. I am asexual - I can't even comprehend what this whole "sexual attraction" -thing is supposed to be like, as I've never experienced anything like it. As for "coming out", I never actually did so, but I guess everyone who knows me in real life already knows that I'm Ace nevertheless. Perhaps not by the name of the orientation, but they all have noticed my complete lack of sexual and romantic feelings. And they seem to be fine with it. :)

Gardenia
04 Feb 2011, 09:36
I'm bisexual. I have not really come out to my family, and only some friends know. I don't think most of them would have a problem with it, and I don't really make an effort to hide it (on my facebook profile for example, and no problems if someone asks) but right now I'm in a long term relationship with a man (he knows), so coming out isn't something I really feel the need to do at this time. (To be honest, I kinda take the same approach with being pagan. :p I don't hide it, if someone knows they know, if they ask I tell, but I don't really tell people...)

Amelia-Mary
04 Feb 2011, 10:01
I'm bisexual, I came out to my friends first, and they were supportive and then I came out to my family after one of my friends told them, and I was just honest and told them straight, My dad thinks it's just phase, but really who cares? My life my choices, Up to me how I live it, My dad's a homophobe, but I just ignore him. My advice, just don't lie about it. If you lie about it to your parents and they find out otherwise, you won't be having a good night.

kijani
04 Feb 2011, 14:21
Im a lesbian. Im out everywhere so I could care less who knows about it. I came out (officially) on my 21st birthday, as my birthday that year basically coincided with National Coming Out Day. My grandparents basically pretend we never had that conversation and that it is a phase (just as they decided my being Pagan was a phase when I told them like ten years ago) but other than that, there's not much to my story, either. LoL.

Medusa
04 Feb 2011, 15:46
Im straight. But back in my early years I was in a relationship with a woman for 7 years. And it was all one big fat mistake. I am not a Lesbian. The whole 'This sex stuff sux' should have let me know!

Anyways. I've had quite a few gay friends. And I've had 2 best friends that have come out to me. Of course, being my best friends, I already knew they were gay. But out of respect I waited till they were comfortable discussing their sexuality with me. I will note one thing when coming out. Just because you are ready to accept yourself openly and pubically...That doesn't mean when you tell your close friends and family they will be on the same time frame as you. It took you years to accept yourself. It may take your friends and family a while as well. All this militant I AM OUT ACCEPT ME NOAW! that won't fly. Be patient but be strong. And learn that you may have to find a whole other set of poeple to be your friends and family. But in all honesty? That's not much different from any person who grows into adulthood. We usually end up picking all new family and friends.

thalassa
04 Feb 2011, 20:25
I'm straight, I'm in a relationship with guy...but that doesn't mean that I don't find women aesthetically or emotionally appealing, even on a sexual level. I don't consider myself bisexual though, because its not really an equal/equivelent attractiveness thing. I don't really think its so easy as two or three or four choices. I think its more of a sliding scale... both in terms of "are you interested?" and "who are you interested in?" Mostly, I'm interested in men (though I limit my intake to the hubby), very rarely, a (exceptional) female.

cesara
05 Feb 2011, 09:39
I mean, if I weren't straight why couldn't I be curved? And if I weren't gay - could I be grumpy instead? The words just don't seem right somehow.... maybe we should invent some new ones (and no, I'm not trying to do that.)

I so love reading your posts....hehe.....+1 if I could!

serenity
05 Feb 2011, 10:39
I'm straight but I have friends and family who are gay and bisexual.

ravenferret
05 Feb 2011, 13:42
I voted curious/questioning 'cause I've been told that's the "appropriate" term. (Not sure why I let other people tell me what orientation is appropriate for me, but that's another story...lol) I've suspected I'm bisexual since high school, as I'm often attracted (romantically, emotionally, and physically) to women, but I've only ever been in relationships with men and have never gone past the kissing stages of anything physical with another woman, so I have several family members and friends who are constantly telling me, "You've never had sex with a girl! You don't get to be bisexual yet!" Like it's a title I have to earn, haha.

I tend to do away with labels and keep myself in the frame of mind where, I'll be attracted to who I want to be attracted to and have relationships with whomever I want regardless of them being male or female. Why does it have to be so darn important anyway?

Gardenia
05 Feb 2011, 15:11
"You've never had sex with a girl! You don't get to be bisexual yet!"

I really dislike this line of thinking, it's pretty illogical.

DanieMarie
05 Feb 2011, 15:22
I really dislike this line of thinking, it's pretty illogical.

Yeah same. I never had sex until I was 21, but I don't think that meant that I was asexual. The interest was there, I just hadn't done the action!

FantasyWitch
05 Feb 2011, 15:28
I always felt that love was love. I think the moment we stop making such a fuss about labeling ourselves the happier a society we will be. Who cares if I shag a guy or a girl, if I love them all should be well and that is all that should matter.

AzazelEblis
05 Feb 2011, 18:23
Straight man. No experience with this, except vicariously. But be warned! Sometimes, your family already knows - and genuinely doesn't care. Caelia's and my mutual friend (Pops) was the last one to find out. He recalled caming out nervously to his family, who only responded quizzically: "You thought we didn't know?!", when he had only recently discovered this about himself.


I always felt that love was love. I think the moment we stop making such a fuss about labeling ourselves the happier a society we will be. Who cares if I shag a guy or a girl, if I love them all should be well and that is all that should matter.On some level, I have to agree. It's not really my business to say who can and cannot love each other, and its a travesty that people do such a thing. But they do it anyway, feeling justified in it, so we have to live our lives around that.

But what do you do, and where do you go to find the lover that fits? Combine that, with the issues with acceptance that people often face with non-heterosexuality, both from within and without, and an entire culture is built. Granted, the individual can choose whether or not to participate (and I know gay men who are the most socially-conservative people you'll ever meet) but the common bond among equals in such a culture appears to be that of their sexuality.

Hjarrand
06 Feb 2011, 00:07
dude where is the cyber? o.O xD

spartacandream
06 Feb 2011, 12:01
I can appreciate the beauty of women, but I'd never get with one. It won't work. I tried to become straight. Didn't work.

I went to a friends house, and my brother told my mother that friend was gay. While out, my mom called my cell phone to tell me she's worried he'd rape me because he's gay. I got home later on, and my mom asked me, "you aren't gay are you?" and referenced my going to a gay guy's house. I had the hugest crush on him (after what he did, I no longer have such good feelings for him), so I blushed. At that point, I figured that if I said no, I wouldn't be believed. So I said that yeah I was.

At first, there was shock and disbelieve. My mother figured I was joking, so nothing was said for a few days. A few days, then a week went by, and my mother realized, I never said I was joking like she expected. She said "you're not gay" often. She said stuff about how gay guys really were, and that I couldn't be one of them. Eventually she realized, yeah, Matt/Spartacandream is gay. Then everything went downhill, and my relationship with my mother (already sparred from other things) basically went out the window.

At the moment, things are fine. We live in a small trailer, but we don't speak to eachother, we just avoid eachother. Mainly because she says stuff to me and treats me like crap. She's depressed and doesn't even want to look at me.

There is light though. I've got friends to help me through, and they've been crucial. I thank them so much for being there for me. They're seeing me through these really really hard times.

Juniper
06 Feb 2011, 14:34
Been Bisexual for a long time (most of my life, looking back on how I behaved). I never really "came out" to my family. They all just kinda knew and didn't care. Hubby knows and doesn't care. I'm pretty sure he likes the idea. Not that he's had a chance to test it out. :P

Shadow Dragon
06 Feb 2011, 14:49
Been Bisexual for a long time (most of my life, looking back on how I behaved). I never really "came out" to my family. They all just kinda knew and didn't care. Hubby knows and doesn't care. I'm pretty sure he likes the idea. Not that he's had a chance to test it out. :P
Is that going to be like his birthday present at some point. ;)

Hawkfeathers
06 Feb 2011, 15:00
I'm straight, and extremely monogamous. I always wanted to have only one partner for life. Now I guess I have to say I hope I only have one more. And I'm holding out for a hero.
This is problematic to some Christian friends. They assume all Pagans are quite promiscuous, and I have to explain that we have freedom of choice over these matters.

OpenHands
06 Feb 2011, 19:03
For all intents and purposes I am straight. There have been indications over the years that it's not quite that simple (and I also firmly believe that sexual orientation is more of a scale than a box), but I'm happily married and have no desire to explore the issue further.

CttCJim
06 Feb 2011, 19:18
For all intents and purposes I am straight. There have been indications over the years that it's not quite that simple (and I also firmly believe that sexual orientation is more of a scale than a box), but I'm happily married and have no desire to explore the issue further.

Also known as the Kinsey Scale, although Kinsey has been largely discredited due to his questionable methods of data collection.
Check it out on wikipedia; fascinating stuff.

I like to think of myself as about 85% straight - I love women, I'm attracted to women, but at the same time a part of me understands gay attraction, and I definitely know what my "type" would be if I were gay.

And to this day I refuse to tell my friends which one of them I once had a gay dream about. It really freaks them out because none of them knows for sure!

Ophidia
06 Feb 2011, 19:49
Been Bisexual for a long time (most of my life, looking back on how I behaved). I never really "came out" to my family. They all just kinda knew and didn't care.

That's pretty much me - it was confusing them for awhile, because they thought I was just gay... but I also dated & had sex with men. But it wasn't just limited to girly girls or manly men. There's a lot of in-between out there when it comes to sex, gender, roles & getting it on.

I just tell people I'm omnisexual & let them fantasizefigure it out.

Hawkfeathers
06 Feb 2011, 20:27
I'm straight, and extremely monogamous. I always wanted to have only one partner for life. Now I guess I have to say I hope I only have one more. And I'm holding out for a hero.
This is problematic to some Christian friends. They assume all Pagans are quite promiscuous, and I have to explain that we have freedom of choice over these matters.

And may I say it's also been extremely problematic with Pagan friends in the past, who ridiculed my choices as being Biblical, when they are actually personal. Kinda like "feminists" ridiculing "stay-home Moms".

OpenHands
07 Feb 2011, 06:39
And may I say it's also been extremely problematic with Pagan friends in the past, who ridiculed my choices as being Biblical, when they are actually personal. Kinda like "feminists" ridiculing "stay-home Moms".

A lot of pagans are very proud of how diverse a group we are, but shouldn't that mean that there's room for the straight monogamous crowd too? That's a shame.

---------- Post added at 02:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:19 PM ----------


Also known as the Kinsey Scale, although Kinsey has been largely discredited due to his questionable methods of data collection.
Check it out on wikipedia; fascinating stuff.

I like to think of myself as about 85% straight - I love women, I'm attracted to women, but at the same time a part of me understands gay attraction, and I definitely know what my "type" would be if I were gay.

And to this day I refuse to tell my friends which one of them I once had a gay dream about. It really freaks them out because none of them knows for sure!

Using a defunct study was a bad way of putting it, you're right. I should amend that to say that I believe for myself that orientation is more fluid than some folks think it is, but everybody is different in that regard. And lol about your friends wondering over that dream. Keep 'em guessing!

ravenferret
07 Feb 2011, 08:26
I agree with those who have said that sexual experience=sexual orientation is illogical. I was just saying I know a lot of people who think that way. I've often wondered, if that's how they think it works, how they were so sure they were straight until they had straight sex?

Hawkfeathers
07 Feb 2011, 10:41
A lot of pagans are very proud of how diverse a group we are, but shouldn't that mean that there's room for the straight monogamous crowd too? That's a shame.[COLOR="Silver"]




Wherever I go, I don't quite fit.

magusjinx
07 Feb 2011, 18:36
I fit what I expect of myself ... All expectations by others are simply PPPPFFFFFTTTTT ...

zachai
08 Feb 2011, 04:44
I had some problems coming out (although minicule considering it was a small country town and even smaller considering what some people go though) and mine wasnt so much as coming out as eveyone knew and was just waiting for me to find my first boyfriend :) on the whole i would prefer to be out even dealing with some hasseling then to bother hiding it. (also my private thought that gays are simply better probably has something to do with that)

Rowanwood
10 Feb 2011, 13:16
I agree with those who have said that sexual experience=sexual orientation is illogical. I was just saying I know a lot of people who think that way. I've often wondered, if that's how they think it works, how they were so sure they were straight until they had straight sex?

You are right on with this one. Some people have this "try it, you'll like it" mentality in both directions. And for some of us who like just one gender, the idea of being with the other just feels like the wrong choice. I'm sure my hubby would love me to be bisexual, but honestly, I'd be as likely to have sex with a goat.

Women are beautiful in a purely aethetic way and I get why they are sexy (I have no idea why I might be, but that's a whole other issue). I just don't want any of it. :)

PharaohKatt
11 Feb 2011, 21:19
Hoo boy. I had to come out to myself before I could come out to anyone else. After years of self-hatred because of my attraction to women, I finally realised that I didn't have to be ashamed anymore. Followed by self-discovery and stuff, coming to my current religion... And then I came out to myself as pansexual and I was happy finally.
As to coming out to other people, I wrote a blog post about it, about my sexuality and feelings. And all the responses were positive and supportive, so yay ^_^

kijani
16 Feb 2011, 23:39
I agree with those who have said that sexual experience=sexual orientation is illogical. I was just saying I know a lot of people who think that way. I've often wondered, if that's how they think it works, how they were so sure they were straight until they had straight sex?

Well, for me, I can say this: I know that I am a lesbian because the idea of intimacy with a man is quite possibly one of the most revolting things I can think of. I've tried, but it just doesn't work for me. So I've had my mother ask me the 'are you sure you're gay?' question with that same line of thought behind it, and for me it's pretty easy to answer, because in my case sexual experience =/= sexual orientation. I am attracted to women and the idea of intimacy with a man is just out of the question for me. Does that make sense?

CorsairsHope
24 Feb 2011, 19:29
Well ... I was trying to catch up on the convo ... I failed! But, I did skip back to the first page and saw about post coming out stories. So here is mine ...

When I was 15 I went to a performing arts summer camp where I met a girl who would become my best friend very quickly. Well after we had been friends for about a year, I realized that the way I felt for her was no longer just a friendship thing. I confessed that to her when she came to my house one weekend (we lived an hour apart). She was unsure about it, then decided to give it a try. We were together (on and off again) for 6 years. I dated and talked to a few others. Then in '08, I met another woman (we'll call her M), I was at the time still on with my first. In June of '09, me and my first split for the final time. In August of the that year, I took the new one out on our first date. The problem here was that she was and still is married. In November of '09, I had spent the day with M, I went home that night (live at home with my mom, brother and dad). My mom was hiding out in her room, did think anything of it. Went into my room and found a note on my bed, I read the first line, pack my bag and headed back over to M's. The note said that my brother had read my journal and outed me! When I walked into M's house, she came up to me and the way we interacted was the first sign to her husband that there was something going on between me and M. I stayed there for awhile and finally things settled down at home. There is a more that happened after, that is a total other story. But, needless to say, I am single and dating!

That's about it! I'll try to catch up and follow the convo!
~ Corsair

Dez
25 Feb 2011, 16:04
Wow, Corsair! That's quite a dramatic story!

Seems a shame your friend didn't tell her husband about you sooner...that could have gotten really ugly.

CorsairsHope
02 Mar 2011, 11:45
Wow, Corsair! That's quite a dramatic story!

Seems a shame your friend didn't tell her husband about you sooner...that could have gotten really ugly.

LOL! Um .... it got really different! It is very complicated and deep. Once everything was out in the open, we tried to forge a relationship with the three of us. And we managed to very successfully for about 6 months, but the stress of life and trying to make everything work took it's toll. It was an amazing 6 months. We showed people around us that love comes in all forms! It is out joke that M's husband is my one in a million, my "superman." We all remain very close friends. They live their life and I am always welcome over. I continue with my life; they only want the best for me and for me to be happy. So in the end it still worked out how it's supposed to I believe!

ceragonstarfire
03 Mar 2011, 09:32
I am gay. I sort of realized that a couple years ago, and really didn't have a hard time figuring it out fortunatly. I think that if you are pagan and have a different orientation, you have a double wammy. You have to come out of two closets!

CorsairsHope
03 Mar 2011, 13:37
Yes, two very big closets! I "came out" of both at the same time! My mom was less upset about me being a pagan than about me being gay .....

Corvus
03 Mar 2011, 19:40
Yes, two very big closets! I "came out" of both at the same time! My mom was less upset about me being a pagan than about me being gay .....

I know the feeling. Dad thought I was calling up the devil and he said he was fine with it but he makes a reference about homosexuals being bad people at least once a month and makes an offensive joke like once a week

Dez
04 Mar 2011, 08:06
LOL! Um .... it got really different! It is very complicated and deep. Once everything was out in the open, we tried to forge a relationship with the three of us. And we managed to very successfully for about 6 months, but the stress of life and trying to make everything work took it's toll. It was an amazing 6 months. We showed people around us that love comes in all forms! It is out joke that M's husband is my one in a million, my "superman." We all remain very close friends. They live their life and I am always welcome over. I continue with my life; they only want the best for me and for me to be happy. So in the end it still worked out how it's supposed to I believe!

Ahh....it's great you were able to work out a poly arrangement :)

That's something my husband and I are interested in, when we live in a more liberal area. I've identified as bi for years, and suspected it was true for longer, while he couldn't even let himself consider in that direction until we started a new religious path...way too much stigma. So he came out to me as bi-curious at the beginning of the year. I feel very grateful to live in an era where both of us can pursue happiness in relationships with (comparatively) little hatred.

magusjinx
04 Mar 2011, 09:47
DR ... Just be wary if ya go much north ... A bit of them shaved head, light skinned fellers up there ... But the fishing is good ... If you ever want to vacation here at the coast let me know and I will find ya a nice place to stay ...

Dez
04 Mar 2011, 17:02
LOL...thanks magus! Right now our goal is to move out to the Portland area in about a year or so...we'll have some debts payed, the kids will be in school, and L will be able to go to grad school, while I look into one of the local schools myself (one of the only degrees in Mortuary Science in the western states is offered there).

*fingers crossed*

magusjinx
04 Mar 2011, 18:09
Mortuary science? ... Heebeedy jeebeedy ... Better make sure you get a Hector Spectre Detector ...

PharaohKatt
05 Mar 2011, 05:20
Ahh....it's great you were able to work out a poly arrangement :)

That's something my husband and I are interested in, when we live in a more liberal area. I've identified as bi for years, and suspected it was true for longer, while he couldn't even let himself consider in that direction until we started a new religious path...way too much stigma. So he came out to me as bi-curious at the beginning of the year. I feel very grateful to live in an era where both of us can pursue happiness in relationships with (comparatively) little hatred.

Being poly adds another new layer to the "coming out" journey. We're taught from birth that relationships are a man and a woman. Even the word we use, "couple", implies only two people. I'm always having to explain to people that I have a Partner and a fiancÚ, and that these are two different people. It adds to the confusion that my fiancÚ and I have a plutonic relationship.

I keep thinking of all the layers of closet there are to come out of; non-Christian, alternative sexuality, invisible disabilities... Others can probably think of more, those are just my own. And every new person you meet, you have to come out all over again, multiple times. It's so tiring.

Shadow Dragon
05 Mar 2011, 06:28
The idea of a poly relationship appeals to me as well. I think having three people dating each other would be pretty awesome. Though a "normal" couple relationship also works for me.

CorsairsHope
05 Mar 2011, 09:10
It's very interesting. I mean we all had seperate anniveraries with each other and then had one for the three of us together. We made lots of arrangements and plans, etc. The best way was to make sure that we all communicated openly. But, when one person started to show more interest in another and it became unequal, that is when it became hard and ended. That is the biggest piece of advise I can give make sure that everyone involved knows the basic ground rules and that everyone gets equal attention. It takes very special people to make it work.

Dez
05 Mar 2011, 09:24
Mortuary science? ... Heebeedy jeebeedy ... Better make sure you get a Hector Spectre Detector ...
Hahaha...I'm actually really excited about it. I've been interested in how death and disease affects the human body ever since I was a child (still have a set of flashcards for tropical diseases I made when I was 11 or 12). It's been very freeing to me to realize that I could turn it into a career, rather then continuing to fight it as something that was inappropriate in normal society, not to mention realizing that I'm smart enough to go into a science-related field, after years of being told I wasn't (or couldn't, as a woman).

That's a very interesting arrangement you have, PharaohKatt. It makes sense that a lot of people would have trouble understanding it. If you don't mind me asking, why is your relationship with your fiance platonic? I have an online friend from a different forum who is in love with a girl who is asexual, and they have similar issues.

Corsair, I agree...that's part of why we're moving slowly, and taking our time to find just the right fit, if ever. Interestingly enough, developing an interest in some forms of light kink has made that transition easier, especially since there is a plethora of information available about setting ground rules (in writing, even) for a non-traditional relationship.

CorsairsHope
05 Mar 2011, 14:02
Corsair, I agree...that's part of why we're moving slowly, and taking our time to find just the right fit, if ever. Interestingly enough, developing an interest in some forms of light kink has made that transition easier, especially since there is a plethora of information available about setting ground rules (in writing, even) for a non-traditional relationship.

Written ground rules would have helped save things I think. With my first GF, who came out late in our relationship as polyamorius(sp), we actually had rules written down. If there hadn't been other, much bigger problems, I think that the written down ground rules would have been very useful.

Just be honest and really remember who your commitment is to first. Remember that you got married because there is something special there and adding a new person to that (if it comes down to that) means a new level, but your marriage is what brought you to that point. You and your husband must be able to communicate with each other and not be afraid to tell each other if you are feeling a disconnect. That's what happened with my relationship, M's husband seemed to be more interested in me which made M feel unwanted. I think if we would have been able to talk about that, things could have worked.

But, now that I have seemingly spilled all the beans, your are more than welcome to ask me any questions that you have!


PharaohKatt - the word couple was very odd for us as well. There were three different couples in our relationship and together we were a "triple." They would explain that they were married and had a fiancÚ. Yes, that how deep we got! And, I, as a lesbian, had two fiancÚs, which were my GF and my "Superman". It was an amazing experience! And, I will never regret any of it!

Dez
05 Mar 2011, 14:29
Thank you for such a sweet offer! It probably will never move in that direction while we still live in the conservative potato fields...so it'll probably be a while, but I'd be very interested in you and Rafe's perspectives if we ever get there ;)

MoonstoneOpal
07 Mar 2011, 09:38
I'm pretty well straight... Was in a relationship with a woman when I was younger and found it lacking in a couple ways: emotionally though it was more of an overload than a deficit and I chalk that up to a bad fit on the emotional level; then there was the sexual aspect... felt to me like perpetual fore-play and while it was fun, it wasn't satisfying.

I believe that we love who we love and that gender has nothing to do with it.

My relationship was also poly, since I was engaged to a man. As I've gotten older, I find a poly relationship more and more appealing. Whether it be f/m/f or f/m/m (+/-), it offers the stability of a committed relationship and the excitement of variety. I guess that wherever the path takes me is where I will be. LOL

kijani
09 Mar 2011, 23:52
I was fired in 2008 and given no reason why. Here's how this situation happened. My friend (a gay guy) and I were living and working in a hotel in west yellowstone, mt. The managers one day asked if we were dating since we were living together. I said we were just friends. They asked me if my friend was gay. I told them that was none of my business or theirs. Then they asked if I was gay. I also told them it was none of their business. Two days later, I was fired and given no reason, and my friend was fired not too long after me, and also not given a reason. I related it all back to their curiosity about my sex life (and my friend's) and my refusal to answer their questions, since they didn'tseem able to produce an answer for me when I asked why we'd been terminated.

Also, on point with a few of the comments in this thread--a poly relationship sounds interesting. Like really. But the idea of multiple lesbians playing sharsies with each other is also frightening on a few levels. Lez-drama is a lot to deal with between just two girls lol. Imagine more!

PharaohKatt
10 Mar 2011, 03:04
kijani; that really sucks :( it's horrible that that sort of discrimination still happens in this day and age.

Dez
10 Mar 2011, 10:47
Wow, hun, I didn't know that had happened to you...that's horrible!

There's been a big discussion back and forth in Utah, with a lot of people trying to prevent an anti-discrimination bill based on sexuality. Lots of people arguing that no one would ever know your sexuality at work, so why would it matter, other then to give people special privileges. I didn't know I actually knew someone who that happened to!!! That burns me up!

kijani
12 Mar 2011, 00:05
Yeah, well technically stuff like that can still legally happen, mainly because in like 23 states they can still legally fire you and not give you any reason other than "because." which is what I got. It was just ironic to me that it came after my refusal to answer a question about my roommate's (and my own) sexuality.

magusjinx
12 Mar 2011, 19:16
Yeah, well technically stuff like that can still legally happen, mainly because in like 23 states they can still legally fire you and not give you any reason other than "because." which is what I got. It was just ironic to me that it came after my refusal to answer a question about my roommate's (and my own) sexuality.
Which can be interesting because if someone pushes the issue and it goes to the federal level then the employer HAS to give a specific reason ...

CorsairsHope
13 Mar 2011, 12:01
It is sad that sexual orientation can affect jobs. I went to an interview earlier this week and I had to remind myself to take my rainbow bracelet off before hand. I can openly wear it and my current jobs but I still have the fear that my orientation could dub me not worthy of a job!

kijani
14 Mar 2011, 14:58
Yeah it does suck. I mean, I'm out and open about it, but I have decided to be really careful since then.