I agree with this statement that Dumuzi made on my last blog post, but at the same time I wonder how much I'd prefer life if we got to a level of contentment with ourselves and just stayed put. Up until a few months ago I really liked myself. I had done my teenage battles, had faced the angst and the self-loathing and was enjoying 6 month or so of being strong enough to support others and not feeling like I needed anyone else for a leaning post. Now? I don't know.

I will admit the idea of never changing and being who I am at this second makes me want to puke. Learning and changing has always appealed to me, which is why to a great extent I am attracted to people who are older than me. I want to learn from them so I can avoid their mistakes and discover how to create triumphs of my own. But the constant flux of emotions I am always feeling right now drives me bananas and makes me wish for the person I liked 6 months ago who was always pretty damn certain how she felt about the universe. Now the universe baffles me, and although the one thing I am certain of is that things can only get better, I can't see more than one or two steps before my feet.

Changing into something stronger and better is good. Changing back into something you're afraid of is not.

When you hit a crossroad its very important which road you take because you don't know which will take you back to the person you didn't like being before or to a weakness you thought you had overcome. I wonder whither lately I took the wrong road.

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