Coming out of the Broom Closet

[RiverSong]

Re: Coming out about your religion

I told my girlfriend I was going to take up Paganism to worship the Goddess of Chaos, Strife, and Rivalry. She said, "that makes sense." She began wondering which Pagan God or Goddess was right for her. That went pretty darn good. Telling our mothers most likely wont go so well. My mother is Christian who will may likely go into a panic for our salvation. Her mother is a bipolar schizophrenic Catholic. I anticipate chaos. :bounce:

Wow! I do wish you luck, if you two do decide to step out of the broom closet to your mother. It sounds like it would be a lot tougher to explain with schizophrenia mixed into it.

My grandmother was bipolar and highly religious, yet it went over well with her when I told her I was now Pagan. She gave a shrug and only asked, "when are the holidays, so I can send cards on those days too". I guess, my mom was the one to break them in with religious tolerance, since she was the first to go into a different religion... Jehovah Witness. They tolerated that and a decade later, she went back to the family's Methodist Christian roots and I went Pagan. lol. So, maybe they thought, "here we go again... sigh." But, they were pleased that my religion didn't insist that I refrain from all other holidays whatsoever. I still enjoy Christmas.

[DashREM]

Re: Coming out about your religion

I told my girlfriend I was going to take up Paganism to worship the Goddess of Chaos, Strife, and Rivalry. She said, "that makes sense." She began wondering which Pagan God or Goddess was right for her. That went pretty darn good. Telling our mothers most likely wont go so well. My mother is Christian who will may likely go into a panic for our salvation. Her mother is a bipolar schizophrenic Catholic. I anticipate chaos. :bounce:

[RiverSong]

Re: Coming out about your religion

Oddly enough, even though my family are "god fearing, spiritual singing, bible quoting, highly religious" type Christians, when I told them that I had quit being a Christian Minister they were concerned but let me be.When I announced a year later that I would be Pagan it went over very well. A few in my family knew that it didn't mean that I worshiped evil. Others did assume that and gasped, but when I explained they listen and relaxed. Pretty much my family took it as if I had said I was switching to Judaism, in the end. They gave a shrug and made a few comments that they'll miss me at the church. But that was it. The most annoyance I get is when my family is trying overly hard to remember the Pagan holidays in attempt to "speak my language" and weirdly say, "Happy Yule" putting a weird emphasis on the word as if they're saying "Happy Sock Day! We don't exactly get it, but since you love socks and choose to celebrate it, we'll cheer with you!" It's funny, annoying, but nice at the same time. It makes me laugh!
So, I was VERY lucky, I think.
Though, I was not so lucky in other "coming out"s, and that's another story.

[DeadJellyfish]

Re: Coming out about your religion

Actually the funny thing about that was that I had already formed my beliefs pretty damn solidly when I found out about her. Id been getting berrated by my grandma about why id turned from being raised christian to being pagan and when I was done she'd got this bewildered look on her face and said "that's the exact same thing your mother told me when she said she was pagan"...absolutely floored me for the longest time.

And as for the danger to being so open I just moved away from home, got away from the drama of a small town. Once I was gone I only got the occational "you're going to burn, repent or die" crap and whatnot. And anyone who tries anything worse, im older now and can better handle myself *shrugs*

Wow, that is so coincidental. Too bad your grandmother reacted that way though.

That's good that you can stand up for yourself. Right now I feel too sensitive to deal with religious conflict in person. I can feel myself getting stronger and braver. But I admire you. Also, you've got the law on your side! Thank goodness we don't live in the witch killing days.

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And besides all that, I live that part of Copenhagen with lots immigrants from around the world, so I easely come across with both Catholics, Buddhists Muslims and ... you know.. those "big" religions, when walking on the streets

I bet it's wonderful to live in such a diverse area! Do you ever converse with people about their different beliefs?

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I have been me for a while, and I only ever tried to tell the people around me once that I was pagan. They thought I was refering to the motorcycle gang... and proceeded to presume that I was a drug dealer too... I got a bunch of crap for the wrong bunch of crap.... So I don't mention it, if it comes up in conversation, I make the conversation go away, If someone is really pushy, I mention that I was raised protestant and am very comfortable with who I am now, not a lie, but it does gloss over a few of the finer points of what I am now... My husband knows, and my mother did open many of the packages I used to order from amazon. Other than that I am me and it has absolutely no bearing on anyone else, and is pretty much none of their business. I do not hide any of my things or books in my own home, so some of my friends know to some extent, but most of them don't care, only one of them has been curious, and I found out another had similar interests because she noticed some of my books and mentioned something.
I feel like there is a saying that describes how I feel here... it is minorly vulgar so not for innocent readers.

Religion is like a penis. It is great that you have one, but it is not OK to waive it around in public, and it is certainly unnacceptable to stuff it down my throat.

People thought you were a drug dealer?? How silly!!

That's what I try to do though if someone asks. I try to gloss it over or avoid the subject without really lying. And if I can't avoid it, I just tell them the truth. But this just happened about an hour ago:

Friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm on a forum. (paganforum)
Friend: What kind of forum?
Me: A religious forum.
Friend: Thinking about converting, eh? (they are Christian)
Me: *laughs awkwardly* Well, it's a forum where people with different beliefs get together and share ideas.

It was left at that and I was able to avoid admitting I'm a Pagan lol

Oh wow, I love that penis analogy hahaha. I think I've heard that once before.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Coming out about your religion

I have been me for a while, and I only ever tried to tell the people around me once that I was pagan. They thought I was refering to the motorcycle gang... and proceeded to presume that I was a drug dealer too... I got a bunch of crap for the wrong bunch of crap.... So I don't mention it, if it comes up in conversation, I make the conversation go away, If someone is really pushy, I mention that I was raised protestant and am very comfortable with who I am now, not a lie, but it does gloss over a few of the finer points of what I am now... My husband knows, and my mother did open many of the packages I used to order from amazon. Other than that I am me and it has absolutely no bearing on anyone else, and is pretty much none of their business. I do not hide any of my things or books in my own home, so some of my friends know to some extent, but most of them don't care, only one of them has been curious, and I found out another had similar interests because she noticed some of my books and mentioned something.
I feel like there is a saying that describes how I feel here... it is minorly vulgar so not for innocent readers.

Religion is like a penis. It is great that you have one, but it is not OK to waive it around in public, and it is certainly unnacceptable to stuff it down my throat.

[Sarkana night]

Re: Coming out about your religion

Well I was raised in a Catholic family. But I've been a Satanist (atheist) since I was 15. I don't think I ever told my mother. But that's because she was mentally ill. And my father died when I was 11. But my family knew I wasn't a believer. And all my friends know I'm a Satanist. And my work knows. Probably because it's on my fb as religion and my co-workers and all my bosses are on there. Lol.

Hehe, if you look at my family you'll find many different religions. lol. My mother is an Asatru/Norse pagan, my father is an Atheist, my sister is... still searching, but leaning towards ecletic paganism, my boyfriend is a Christo-pagan and I'm an Aztec polytheist, which I've been for about two years now. (Before that, I was Ecletic)
Well, and I forgot to mention my veeery Christian grandmother.

And besides all that, I live that part of Copenhagen with lots immigrants from around the world, so I easely come across with both Catholics, Buddhists Muslims and ... you know.. those "big" religions, when walking on the streets

[Yorin]

Re: Coming out about your religion

[QUOTE=


I'm sorry to hear that about your mother. That's very interesting that she was a Pagan as well though. Did you form your religious beliefs before or after you found out about hers?

Ugh, my family used to live in a small town. Pretty much, everybody knows everybody's business and it can be a real pain. That is so scary to have so much hate directed towards you though! And even scarier that some were trying to kill you!

In your situation it's best not to be very open about it since there is so much danger.[/QUOTE]

Actually the funny thing about that was that I had already formed my beliefs pretty damn solidly when I found out about her. Id been getting berrated by my grandma about why id turned from being raised christian to being pagan and when I was done she'd got this bewildered look on her face and said "that's the exact same thing your mother told me when she said she was pagan"...absolutely floored me for the longest time.

And as for the danger to being so open I just moved away from home, got away from the drama of a small town. Once I was gone I only got the occational "you're going to burn, repent or die" crap and whatnot. And anyone who tries anything worse, im older now and can better handle myself *shrugs*

[DeadJellyfish]

Re: Coming out about your religion

I just don't care about your religion. And no one really cares about mine. There are more important things I judge people on. Like their music tastes. If you have no idea who Nine Inch Nails is and what kind of lyrical composition they have...we are on two different planets!

I actually care a lot about other religions and beliefs and I like to hear people explain their own. Even though I might not agree with one religion as a whole, they still have a lot of moral codes and philosophies that I like to live by. For me it is very difficult not to judge a Christian/Catholic because of the personal experiences I've had with them. But I'm learning little by little to have more patience and not judge.

Haha I love NIN by the way. They are up there on my top 5.

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I've had a couple different issues with it myself...my father on one hand didn't care one way or another, but that's just my dad. My mom passed away when I was 11 and I found out about 9 years later that she was pagan as well from my grandmother...

My mom side of the family spends every chance they get trying to convert me while my dads side doesn't really seem to have much of an opinion...my bigger problem was the people in my home town...

I lived in a very small, very overly monothestic town that was small enough to actually be classified as a village. Some people didn't care but others...others decided that the bible quote "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" should be taken quite literally...I had issues varrying from people telling me im going to burn in hell to downright trying to kill me and worse...

All in all I'm not sure if its sometimes best to bother to come out and show what you are, or if its better to just hold ourselves to silence. I guess it just depends on the area you're in and how accepting the people around you are

I'm sorry to hear that about your mother. That's very interesting that she was a Pagan as well though. Did you form your religious beliefs before or after you found out about hers?

Ugh, my family used to live in a small town. Pretty much, everybody knows everybody's business and it can be a real pain. That is so scary to have so much hate directed towards you though! And even scarier that some were trying to kill you!

In your situation it's best not to be very open about it since there is so much danger.

[Yorin]

Re: Coming out about your religion

I've had a couple different issues with it myself...my father on one hand didn't care one way or another, but that's just my dad. My mom passed away when I was 11 and I found out about 9 years later that she was pagan as well from my grandmother...

My mom side of the family spends every chance they get trying to convert me while my dads side doesn't really seem to have much of an opinion...my bigger problem was the people in my home town...

I lived in a very small, very overly monothestic town that was small enough to actually be classified as a village. Some people didn't care but others...others decided that the bible quote "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" should be taken quite literally...I had issues varrying from people telling me im going to burn in hell to downright trying to kill me and worse...

All in all I'm not sure if its sometimes best to bother to come out and show what you are, or if its better to just hold ourselves to silence. I guess it just depends on the area you're in and how accepting the people around you are

[Medusa]

Re: Coming out about your religion

Well I was raised in a Catholic family. But I've been a Satanist (atheist) since I was 15. I don't think I ever told my mother. But that's because she was mentally ill. And my father died when I was 11. But my family knew I wasn't a believer. And all my friends know I'm a Satanist. And my work knows. Probably because it's on my fb as religion and my co-workers and all my bosses are on there. Lol.

Truth is. I'm very private about my 'religion'. I don't spend time explaining it or looking to spread correct information about it. I just spend my life being an actual Satanist. Only here on this and other forums where it's pertinent do I discuss it. But also mostly to just say where my opinion on a certain subject is coming from.

I just don't care about your religion. And no one really cares about mine. There are more important things I judge people on. Like their music tastes. If you have no idea who Nine Inch Nails is and what kind of lyrical composition they have...we are on two different planets!

[DeadJellyfish]

Re: Coming out about your religion

Deadly:

Some of my family know more than others. My sister knows a bit more than anyone on PF but no one ever gets told everything. Secrecy has been both a sword and shield for a number of years and I'm quite comfortable in its use. As is, this secret is quite easy to keep. If one develops a reputation for close-mouthed eccentricity and reading everything then one is rarely questioned and as I don't bother with most external trappings, there's little to invite question.

I see. That seems to fit your lifestyle quite easily then

[MaskedOne]

Re: Coming out about your religion

Deadly:

Some of my family know more than others. My sister knows a bit more than anyone on PF but no one ever gets told everything. Secrecy has been both a sword and shield for a number of years and I'm quite comfortable in its use. As is, this secret is quite easy to keep. If one develops a reputation for close-mouthed eccentricity and reading everything then one is rarely questioned and as I don't bother with most external trappings, there's little to invite question.

[DeadJellyfish]

Re: Coming out about your religion

My family is also not Christian. My grandma believes in angels, and my mom believes so firmly in ghosts that she gave me heck for buying black candles at Hallowe'en. While I do have two extended family members who are missionaries, they are the only hardcore Christians in my entire family. My immediate family (mom, sibs, grandparents) aren't religious.

You have such a colorful family!

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Coming out about your religion

I'm glad your family is tolerant though. I wish mine was. I go to family get togethers and I kind of have to play along. I join in with prayer, but at least I can pray to my own deity in my head. Then I talk to my family about the Bible and Christianity. Not exactly saying that I believe it, but I understand a lot of concepts. If they want to talk about their god, I'll join them in that discussion.

My family is also not Christian. My grandma believes in angels, and my mom believes so firmly in ghosts that she gave me heck for buying black candles at Hallowe'en. While I do have two extended family members who are missionaries, they are the only hardcore Christians in my entire family. My immediate family (mom, sibs, grandparents) aren't religious.

[DeadJellyfish]

Re: Coming out about your religion

The thing with coming out is you never stop doing it, there's always someone new who is either curious about your religion or that you feel a need to divulge your religion to, for whatever reason. As an obscure minority it's always somewhat awkward because you constantly have to explain your religion.

I find that comes with any religion, even something as common as Christianity. But what I want to know is what it was like coming out to those closest to you. What it was like the first time you let anyone at all know.

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I grew up (many years ago) in a family of witches so I suppose you could say that our broom cupboard was always full. But it was not something we spoke about to others. To outsiders, my family seemed (almost) ordinary, would say that witches didn't exist and it was all a load of hooey.

So I've always been rather cautious - I don't feel a need to tell my neighbours what I believe in. I certainly don't want to know what they believe in either.

But I do believe in tolerance. At this weekend's witchfest international in London (Croydon) there wasn't much by way of protests, although one woman was still standing out in the drizzle at 6pm with a placard and singing hymns. I would never dream of doing something like that outside wherever she meets for worship or a festival.

I have no wish to shine a torch into another person's soul.

That's very interesting. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to grow up with a family of witches rather than Christians. But either way, it doesn't effect my current beliefs, so I guess it doesn't really matter

I can understand being cautious. I find no need to tell my grandma, the rest of my family, or any strangers if there is no need to. Not unless they ask. I want to be honest, because if I have to lie it will make me feel uncomfortable about my faith. But I can also understand lying in terms of safety.

That sounds like a very pleasant witchfest, besides that one woman. I can't believe how much people will go out of their way to try and impose their religious beliefs on others.

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I don't inform people of my beliefs. I read what I choose, comment on certain areas and occasionally explain limited principles without placing them in a wider context. The rest of the world can come to its own conclusions. Those conclusions range from he's agnostic to he's a sorceror to he's well on his way to being a Catholic priest to he's Wiccan (this one was short lived and had to do with a symbol I like) to etc. I have managed to avoid being accused of devil worship far as I know but I've gotten a decent range of other answers.

Not even those closest to you? I know I would be having a much harder time if I never let at least my mother and my boyfriend know. These are people involved in my daily life, and Pagan is also apart of my daily life.
I can see how your approach might be easier for you though. With certain people I talk to, I try to beat around the bush as far as where I stand. Like, rather than tell my cousin I'm Pagan, I tell them that I believe in a higher power and that there is energy all around us that can be influenced by us. I keep it plain and simple, and it's the truth.

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I'm neither in, nor out of the broom closet (or any other closet, really). I don't hide my beliefs, but I don't flaunt them, either. I used to wear a pentacle ring, as a subtle way of letting people know, but I've since stopped that. I think most people 'know', even if I've never specifically told them. I've sent mom pictures of my altar before, when I've reconstructed it, or added a neat ornament, or whatever, without specifically saying it's an altar. But I've had one since I was 15. I throw solstice parties, and I'm constantly buying crystals, and most people know I own tarot cards. I don't hide the pagan books on my shelf, whatever. It's my home. I'm not going to hide myself when people come over.

My family's pretty tolerant.

But I'm like this for everything. I won't hide anything about myself from anybody, but I often won't tell you unless you specifically ask me.

I believe that's the best way to handle things. If you hide it you make it seem all weird and mysterious. If you flaunt it you seem like an attention seeker.

Besides the few people I came out to, that's how I am about things. I'm not going to close the paganforums window if someone walks in. I'm not going to stop writing in my BOS if someone walks in. I just leave things lying around. Then I have a tumblr and I like to reblog things like crystals and books and Pagan related things. I'm sure a lot of my irl friends on tumblr are starting to catch on.

I'm glad your family is tolerant though. I wish mine was. I go to family get togethers and I kind of have to play along. I join in with prayer, but at least I can pray to my own deity in my head. Then I talk to my family about the Bible and Christianity. Not exactly saying that I believe it, but I understand a lot of concepts. If they want to talk about their god, I'll join them in that discussion.

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I've tried opening about what I believe to my family, but all I got were negative responses. Everybody but my sister tried to prove things against what I believed, but my sister was still suspicious, but she said she didn't really care and it was up to me. Back then I reverted to Islam, but now I'm not sure what religion I fit in. I'm still not comfortable telling my family or friends that I've been exploring in and out of the organized religions. Telling them that I've been interested in Paganism recently would surely upset them. So now whenever they ask I either sometimes lie or I say that it's personal.

Hmmm, that does sound difficult Even though it can be hurtful and bothersome, your family does that because they care about you. They think that your soul will be dammed (or whatever it is Islams believe) if you aren't Islamic. They don't realize that they are actually causing you harm by not letting you do your own spiritual journey.

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I tend to keep my mouth shut unless asked, when it comes to represent my religion to others. The reaction I get after that depends
on the person. Most people, even people in the pagan community, don't seem to take me that seriously, and that's
fine with me. It's none of their business, anyway.

That seems a bit silly that even Pagans won't take you seriously. Some people... lol. But you have a great attitude. All that matters is what you believe and that you're happy with it.