Coming out of the Broom Closet

[Roknrol]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Sorry, the one thing that that all boils down to (that I *didn't* mention) - You have the RIGHT to be private about your religion, even if the circumstances under which you live (parents, country, whatever) tells you otherwise. If they press you, you are allowed to lie, because it's under duress. It's the equivalent of signing a confession *before* they start on the second hand, it holds zero implications about your morals or your ethics.

[Roknrol]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Your religion doesn't have to be public. If you're afraid of the unreasonable repercussions, it's nobody's business but yours. You have a community here that you can be open and honest with.

Five years ago I would have advocated sprinting out of the closet naked and screaming covered in whipped cream to announce that you were "out", but as I've gotten older I guess I've recognized the value of keeping silent.

If you tell your devoutly Christian parents that you have rejected God (after all, they only believe in the one), it is very likely to cause them undue distress. Distress that will cause them to want to convince or coerce you into changing your religion again - uncomfortable for everyone involved. Or they may decide to let it "run it's course", figuring it's a fad. You can bet in a couple of years when you haven't converted that they'll be even more upset when they realize that it wasn't.

Or they may respect your decision to take your soul into your own hands and make your own decisions on the matter. Does that sound like them? If not, well, then I wouldn't expect it.

And ultimately your religion is for you, not for anyone else.

As far as the jewelry and trappings go, that's a bit more challenging. It's been awhile so I'm a bit rusty on the details, but I'm thinking you're going to want to set up an altar and either haven't done so or have it hidden. That includes knives and goblets, things that Christian parents often don't approve of, especially when you're asking for privacy. Then there are the books, which are a definite giveaway.

Telling them that your religion is private is not dishonest.

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? If you are nearing the end of your schooling or are planning to be on your own soon that will make things vastly easier. It's far easier to just wait until you have your own space and don't have to answer questions that people don't want to hear the answers to. But of course, that's your choice.

I know that when you're younger (I'm nearly 40) it feels like when you encounter something new you just have to announce it to the world and be proud to have discovered such a wonderful _____________ (in this case, path). But really, there's lots and lots of time for discovery. There is a lot of time to experience new things and to explore your personal self. And you will learn (if you don't already know - I don't know how old you are), that once you get older your parents opinions stop being quite so critical (usually) to your happiness and...you know...then you can just "live" and not have to seek askance.

All of that being said.

If you really really really MUST come out to your parents, a few suggestions:
1) Make sure they aren't busy with other shit. Ask them for a time to sit down and discuss it, to minimize distractions. Also, you don't want outside drama skewing their perception when they are just learning...first impressions and all.
2) I would suggest that you reinforce the moral/ethical concerns near the beginning of the discussion. I don't know why, but it seems that many Christians seem to think that they only reason they behave like civilized human beings is because they're afraid of Hell. That in and of itself is kind of scary, but you may need to ease their minds on this note.
3) Don't push it. If they tell you they don't want to hear it or they try to walk away, let them. Then hide it. You shouldn't need to go through great pains for this - put the pendant behind your neck when your folks are around, or tuck it into a shirt. If you push, and they push back, you will lose (especially if you depend on them). Let it go. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss, and sometimes the best thing that we can do for our loved ones is not tell them what we really think.
4) Do not escalate. Do not be a child. Do not throw a tantrum. Do not interrupt. In order for you to convince your parents that what you are doing is not "wrong", you will have to be above reproach in all other respects, especially during the discussion. If you whine or gripe or have a thoughtless moment, that will indicate to them a lack of maturity that will give them every reason to treat you like a child. If they are *looking* for a reason, that will be it. So be mature. If they don't want to discuss it or they start getting angry, sit there and wait for it to blow out. Don't raise your voice. Don't give "a look". Just be patient. For some people the conversion of their child comes as quite a large shock.
5) Sometimes TMI is TMI. They don't need to know the history of the sacrifice. While most of us here know that the body and blood of Christ during Catholic ceremonies is nothing more than symbolized cannibalism, most Christians do not see it that way. They do not understand their own history well enough to see the comparisons. Telling your folks that you need a "sacrifice" is not going to go over well. Sometimes more generic information is better.

I do have to quantify all of this by saying that after being a Pagan for 10 years I became an Atheist, so that is certainly skewing my perspective. Temper your judgment with that information in mind Good luck!

[treetopfolk]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I have been in debate with myself for a couple months now about coming out of the broom closet.
It started when I wore a pentacle necklace to family lunch and my mom (recognizing it from the books they threw out when I was a teen) said, "what's that mean. It's not that Wicca thing again, huh? " and I lied... kind of.
I told her it was a symbol of protection, which is not necessarily a lie, but I know it's there to represent my Pagan path.
I say this has been a debate but really it's me wanting to, but talking myself out of it by thinking of their reactions.
I really don't believe that they would disown me, but my mom has said in the past "if my girls didn't believe in God I don't know how I'd live".
Now please keep in mind my parents are very kind and loving people, but they are also very set in their Southern Baptist Christian ways and beliefs. The main concern is I know my tendency to dwell on things comes from my mother and I know her constant thought will be, 'my baby won't be with us in Heaven'.
This breaks my heart and terrifies me because my mom already deals with depression at times and I don't want to make it worse.

I know there is always the option to just not tell them, but I dont like being dishonest when things come up like the necklace.
That particular situation bothers me because I'm lying to my parents, but also because I feel like I'm hurting my gods by lying about my belief in them. I think this fear comes from my history of being raised Christian and when Peter denied Jesus, etc.

I am actually becoming kind of depressed myself with this debate.
My boyfriend and friends know about my path and have no issues (that I know of) but I just don't know what to do.
I've never had a mentor or guidance with the Pagan path and don't know any others in my area with this kind of background so I just feel very lost right now..

[Amunet]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I am just new to the Pagan thing. Just this month I did a little informal prayer to dedicate myself to learning. I know my views are clearly Pagan, I'm just still figuring out big questions and small things too.
My husband and I are going on the same discovery path, but different spiritual path ... both under the Pagan umbrella. Other than each other, only my Mother, Sister and Cousin know ... my cousin being the one that practiced Wicca in the first place a while ago (she has since gone back to Christianity).

I was raised Mormon (LDS) and most (all?) of my father's side is Mormon and my mother's side either are some part of Christian or just not really anything at all (but she is slowly sharing her faith by example).

So, I think I'm still in the Broom Closet and I really don't know how to tell my father. But he's been very supportive. My mother found out during a rather confusing time last month ... I am going through things and she found out about OTHER things too at that time.
Lol so telling my mother was more like verbal vomit

[satanic witch]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I've been hearing all the time that my blend of syncretic soft polytheistic pantheism is not a real religion and I have made it up. I literally want to punch faces when people say this, but I try to stay calm.

thats the same with me and my blend of syncretic wicca with theistic satanism , and staying calm is the best idea

[Gleb]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I've been hearing all the time that my blend of syncretic soft polytheistic pantheism is not a real religion and I have made it up. I literally want to punch faces when people say this, but I try to stay calm.

I am so familiar with this situation....

[Ektor]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I've been hearing all the time that my blend of syncretic soft polytheistic pantheism is not a real religion and I have made it up. I literally want to punch faces when people say this, but I try to stay calm.

[neráida]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

At work, or in public when the topic comes up (usually in reference to holiday plans), I usually say "We're not Christian". Sometimes people ask, in which case I explain that we are Pagan. I work with fairly progressive and intelligent people, so its usally not a big deal there. Even at the kid's schools, being in an urban area with decent diversity, most people that I encounter just don't care. Also, it probably helps that we aren't anti-Christian.

[LunarHarvest]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I hate that argument too. Its up their with the 'you're too young to understand politics or economics' that I got from a lot of people. One of my parents was like that in saying that 'I was simply seeking, and that I would properly find God again later', in learning I had become agnostic.

[Hekla]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I hate the phase argument.

[Ektor]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

My father still does not believe I am not a Christian at all. He has repeatedly said "you're a Christian, you just don't know it" or "this kind of silly questioning is common of people your age". Holy fuck this irritates me so much.

[Gleb]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Yesterday I was talking with my father about my being Kemetic. He wanted to know more about it. Despite the fact that he is sincerely loyal to Judaism and has the "there is only 1 god" thing, he accepted it as it is. Of course he probably wasn't happy too much about it, but left it to me to decide. I really appreciate it.

[LunarHarvest]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I have told two of my closest friends about my paganism, and I was not expecting them to be so open to it. Both are Christians and neither had any issue with my beliefs, and don't treat me any different from before. In fact they have been quite supportive of me.

Most of my immediate family only knows that I am no longer a Christian, and that I was looking at everything including Eastern polytheistic religions, but I have not really told any of my family that I am a pagan. Outside of my immediate family they don't even know that I am no longer a Christian let alone a pagan, and I do not think that changing this perception would be beneficial to myself, as they would more than likely equate paganism with being 'demonic'.

[Hekla]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

With my family, I dislike whenever religion pops up in discussion. But I know one day it will come out eventually to at least my parents and sibling. My closest friends know the path I walk, and they're totally fine with it.

My dad used to not like church very much, but as of 6 years ago (conveniently the time I lost faith in Christianity), he started going to service and participating in small group discussions and activities. I like that it gave him more of a social life, but he's really "gung-ho about God" now. I don't think he'd accept it at all if I told him my beliefs. He already hates that I play metal music and moving to Europe. Telling him I'm pagan completes his Trifecta of Doom. My mom is uber-Christian and doesn't understand anything other than her own religion. My sister recently got a cross tattooed on her permanently, so you can guess her beliefs. The uncle on my mom's side is probably the closest to me in terms of "let's just not talk about religion." He's the only one I could probably safely reveal my beliefs to AND be accepting of them.

[Gleb]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Perhaps it depends on the people one is revealing his being pagan to. Sometimes a bad outcome is predictable and sometimes it's worth to try.
I am still in the process of determination. Last time I weared one of my Kemetic necklaces (of Anubis) is public, everything was pretty good.