Ask a Mortitian

[Shahaku]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

Do you think you have learnt anything about how we as humans experience dying from your work?

I have learned a bit about hospice work, but end of life care isn't a regular part of what I do. By the time a funeral director becomes involved, the death has already occurred.

[prometheus]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

Do you think you have learnt anything about how we as humans experience dying from your work?

[Shahaku]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

I feel the business around death really screws people. I am not sure how one decides to become involved in that.

For me, I first became interested in being a death doula. I had heard about it and looked into it, but the classes were expensive, especially when the pay out was unsure, some folks do it purely on a volunteer basis, and I don't have a large amount of flexible income. Then I went through a spiritual experience last summer that really influenced me, had some subsequent spiritual experiences that led to me being interested in this field and feeling called to it, and realized that the schooling was affordable compared to the average income (somewhere around 65k/year, which in the US is pretty good, but nothing to call home about). I also knew that once I got my foot in the door, got licensed and had some experience, I could open up a green cemetery sometime in the distant future. I've been following the Order of the Good Death, and am interested in doing something similar to what they are doing. I'm sure a lot of people go into the industry either because it pays well or because their family was in it.

I honestly don't think that the majority of the people I work with intend to screw you. But it is expensive, and it could possibly be cheaper. What you have to remember is that a funeral home has a lot of expenses. There is general upkeep of the building, utilities, etc. There are also usually large pieces of equipment, including vehicles and a backhoe, that have to be registered and kept up on. The land had to be kept up, and that means paying people to take care of lawn care, pruning, etc. Then they have funeral employees that they have to pay. These employees include accountants, lawyers, and graphic design artists, etc as well as funeral director/embalmers.

There are also numerous regulations in place now that weren't half a century ago that prevent funeral homes from taking advantage of people. And there's a huge emphasis on honorable funeral practices at the educational level. There are laws regulating preneed sales for instance that weren't in place in the mid 1900's. Things like requirements that money from preneed contracts be held in a trust. There is also a federal law requiring a general price list being presented any time money is discussed so that people know upfront what things will cost and what money is going where.

It is really hard though, when you have families who are grieving, to know that they are actually processing everything you're saying. It's not uncommon for someone to have completely forgotten everything that was discussed at any one point, let alone fine details. We usually have at least three or four contact points at my funeral home where we run through everything, to try and help with that. We get consent for initial care when we pick up the deceased. Then there is an arrangement conference when things like visitations and services are discussed in more detail. And there are usually at least one or two other phone calls made where details are reviewed, obits are approved, and any questions answered. And we still have people who can't keep it all straight, especially when they want a viewing/service, because they are grieving and grief can make it hard for you to focus, but things have to proceed because even with a great embalming a body will likely start showing signs of decomp at some point (sometimes that's a week, sometimes years, but we can't know until it happens) and state laws require burial after a certain time frame.

So yeah. I don't think the intent is to screw anyone over, but miscommunication or misunderstandings can happen, especially in such strained times.

[prometheus]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

I learnt a lot in and around death. I think society should consider it more closely. Perhaps it's not for everyone though.

[Ula]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

I feel the business around death really screws people. I am not sure how one decides to become involved in that.

[anunitu]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

my son described this building as a mausoleum in his thoughts.

- - - Updated - - -

one guy died in the summer,with no air conditioning and they found him after 5 weeks.

[Shahaku]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

When i was nurse i prepared many people for the morgue. At what point and in what condition do you receive people from hospitals?

Typically we receive the deceased same day. Occasionally, if cause of death was unknown, they'll go to autopsy first, which is handled by either the county or state medical examiner. As a student, my human anatomy labs were are the state medical examiners labs, and it was definitely interesting. I saw much more decomp there than I have working for the funeral home. Typically, we're looking at decomp cases if they come from the medical examiner, or if we're picking up from a home. Hospitals are really good about getting the deceased into a fridge if there's going to be a delay.

I do not believe in ghosts,here in this senior building we have had 3 deaths this week,expected because of very old residents here.,but no sign of any ghost.

I would say it's really hit or miss and not a common occurrence. And I don't really have proof, just some anecdotal experience. Odd things that happen at the hospital I work at. I've had things move, and not just a little bit. I had a trash can sound like it was kicked and watched it move across the room untouched (I was the only person there and was across the room, and the area I work in is secured. There's a very loud beep any time someone comes in). I also saw a cart roll several feet before stopping, reversing direction and rolling backward several feet, before stopping and rolling forward again. There have been some less obvious things, like items falling off shelves that had been stable for days, which could be put down the the carts being bumped or something similar.

There are also some tech things that could be put down to glitching, but everyone thinks it's the spirit that hangs out down there. A testing machine we have will go off randomly, then shut itself off whenever someone gets close to it. There's a paper towel dispenser that's electronic that you'll hear dispensing paper as you leave the bathroom (single entry, single stall bathroom, so it's easy to know that no one else was in the there). Just weird things.

But like I said, it's all anecdotal, experiences. It's enough that I really believe that there's a ghost (or, even just some weird energy phenomenon) but there's something.




Also, I'm not so tired right now, so I thought I'd go into a little more detail on my beliefs about the afterlife for Bart. So, I definitely believe that there's an afterlife. And I do think that there is some form of rebirth. Whether that rebirth happens here on this planet or not I don't feel so confident about. I also believe that there are multiple afterlife realms just like there are multiple systems of belief. Which is strange because I also believe that most named deities are also faces of a single archetype. It's a contradiction that I haven't quiet come to terms with yet. I think part of why I believe that way is because different people would need different things from the afterlife. Some would just need a short break, some would need a lot of time to recoup, expectations would be different from one culture to another, etc.

I don't believe in the Christian heaven/hell realms, at least not as they're understood by the majority of the world. Both Mormons (which we can all doubt the validity of their faith, but shrug) and Muslims believe that there are multiple levels of heaven and hell and that they aren't so black and white (bliss or punishment). And the ancient Jews believed that there was an underworld, called Sheol, that was where the spirits of the dead went, but it wasn't a place that was good or bad, it was just a place, a shadow of the real world. So I take huge issue with the modern day Christian view of heaven and hell.

[anunitu]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

I do not believe in ghosts,here in this senior building we have had 3 deaths this week,expected because of very old residents here.,but no sign of any ghost.

[prometheus]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

When i was nurse i prepared many people for the morgue. At what point and in what condition do you receive people from hospitals?

[Eleanor]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

Yeah. I think I would rather be cremated as well. Your parents will have to talk with the funeral home where your grandparents are buried though. Likely there will be a fee of some kind to bury your ashes on their land. My girlfriend wants to be turned into a tree. There are these pods that basically are filled with ashes, which feed the trees initial growth, and therefore, you become a tree. This: https://www.boredpanda.com/bios-urn-...mpaign=organic

That's a beautiful way to be buried It's like you live on, but as a tree.

Re: Ask a Mortitian

This guy might be able to help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JnoHOVXxdc

[Shahaku]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

Cool. Thanks for letting me know. I told my parents that I wanted to be cremated because I want half of myself to be buried with my grandpa on my dad's side and half with my parents. Crazy.

Yeah. I think I would rather be cremated as well. Your parents will have to talk with the funeral home where your grandparents are buried though. Likely there will be a fee of some kind to bury your ashes on their land. My girlfriend wants to be turned into a tree. There are these pods that basically are filled with ashes, which feed the trees initial growth, and therefore, you become a tree. This: https://www.boredpanda.com/bios-urn-...mpaign=organic

[anubisa]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

Cool. Thanks for letting me know. I told my parents that I wanted to be cremated because I want half of myself to be buried with my grandpa on my dad's side and half with my parents. Crazy.

[Shahaku]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

What would you say is the most challenging aspect of your role?

For me, it's learning to interact with grieving families. I become interested in the job as an embalmer/because I wanted to care for our beloved dead. I didn't really think about the funeral directing/ coping with families side of it at first. It's extremely important, and some would say the more important role. But I'm not a people person naturally, so that's been very challenging.

What is your opinion on the afterlife?

I have mixed feelings. I do believe in ghosts, or at least residual energy. I haven't seen any evidence of that in this field, but I have in the past, working at a hospital. I also believe that people end up in an afterlife that aligns with their beliefs, to an extent. I guess I'm hard polytheistic enough to believe that there are different afterlife's for different religions.

How do you prepare a person for viewing? I mean, I guess what I am asking is what goes into embalming a person? I hope I'm not being too gross.

Not at all. Though this will get a bit detailed, for the squeamish who may not be interested. Generally when a person passes away, one of two things happen. Either the family decided to have a direct cremation/burial or they decide to have the deceased embalmed for viewing. This isn't required in all states (in fact, I don't think it's legally required in most states) but embalming is required from many funeral homes for liability reasons.

The deceased is transferred from the place of death, to the funeral home, and into an embalming room. Typically, there are very strict rules on who can enter the embalming room, again for liability. They are placed on a table that drains away the blood and fluid that is run through the body. A two inch or so incision is made on the collar bone, and from there the skin is lifted until we can access the carotid artery. A tube with a metal tip is inserted into the carotid, and that is attached to a machine that has a mix of water, coloring agents, and embalming fluid. Some people then make an incision in the jugular to drain the blood and excess embalming fluid. At my funeral home, typically a trocar suction is inserted into the abdomen, through the diaphragm, and into the heart. Excess fluid is drained directly from the heart.

The embalming fluid also has a coloring agent. That stained the skin as it flows through the capillaries, hopefully returning the body to natural color. It also helps with the coloring of the nails. Sometimes, even with the coloring agents in the fluid, parts of the body will remain gray. While the embalming fluid is running, we wash the body, hair, clean under the nails, etc. Once the fluid has gone through the body and that process is done, a second high-powered embalming fluid is injected into the abdomen, lungs, etc to stop decomposition there.

Once that is done, we place a trocar plug in the whole in the abdomen and sew shut the incision on the collarbone. The incisions are often filled with a moisture absorbing/sealing powder to prevent any leakage. We then place a diaper on the deceased in case of leakage, and cover them with a hospital gown. Moisturizing lotion is put on their face to prevent it from drying out prior to viewing. Once their clothes arrive, they are dressed and placed in the agreed casket, make-up and hair are done, and any cosmetic alterations needed are done. Sometimes when the decease had been ill for awhile material is added under the skin to fill in the hollows a little bit. I can't remember what it's called, but it's basically a liquid injection that hardens on contact with the fluid in the body. There's also wax treatments that can be used to cover trauma (cuts, scrapes, etc.) All of that is things I'll be learning next summer, when I take restorative art.

[anubisa]

Re: Ask a Mortitian

How do you prepare a person for viewing? I mean, I guess what I am asking is what goes into embalming a person? I hope I'm not being too gross.