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Hiding In Plain Sight

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    #1

    Hiding In Plain Sight

    Life is so superficial to me at times. My observations, wants, and needs. I can't really talk about this in real life. Even if I tried to discuss it, it wouldn't work out so well. I have ASPD, and I feel like I've been feeling like I'm spiraling the last few days. Faking this interest, empathy, all of it, it's making me tired all of the time. I was so close to snapping the other day and I didn't, but I've been thinking about it, wondering if it would have helped even a little.
    Some people think it's cool, I guess. The media likes to play them out as serial killers, that doesn't bother me though. It just sucks, is all. Never feeling enough without certain illegal substances which I don't deal with, anyway. It's like a tease. It can be there for even a second of time then go away, then you're left wanting more. Or that cake that your parent recently made. You had a small piece, but it wasn't enough to satisfy you.
    "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

    "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."
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    #2
    Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

    Originally posted by EndlessCravings View Post
    Life is so superficial to me at times. My observations, wants, and needs. I can't really talk about this in real life. Even if I tried to discuss it, it wouldn't work out so well. I have ASPD, and I feel like I've been feeling like I'm spiraling the last few days. Faking this interest, empathy, all of it, it's making me tired all of the time. I was so close to snapping the other day and I didn't, but I've been thinking about it, wondering if it would have helped even a little.
    Some people think it's cool, I guess. The media likes to play them out as serial killers, that doesn't bother me though. It just sucks, is all. Never feeling enough without certain illegal substances which I don't deal with, anyway. It's like a tease. It can be there for even a second of time then go away, then you're left wanting more. Or that cake that your parent recently made. You had a small piece, but it wasn't enough to satisfy you.
    I don't know what to say.....I understand you got so many issues with your ASPD and stuff...well have you ever tired any help for your threapist if you have one?

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      #3
      Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

      Originally posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
      I don't know what to say.....I understand you got so many issues with your ASPD and stuff...well have you ever tired any help for your threapist if you have one?
      A therapist? Not yet. A therapist would help me blend in better, though. I feel like I'm doing a fine job of keeping up appearances. It's just the consistency can drive me up the wall every once in awhile.
      "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

      "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

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        #4
        Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

        Usually what you describe is caused by some kind of trauma or bad experience. Because logically, people don't start feeling this thing out of nothing. I think trauma is caused BY something. Different experiences require different solutions and approaches. If you describe the experience you had, the one that caused the trauma (it's ok if it's more than one experience), then we'll be able to move further. If you want to, you can send me a pm, if it will make you feel better.
        "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



        Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

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          #5
          Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

          Originally posted by Gleb View Post
          Usually what you describe is caused by some kind of trauma or bad experience. Because logically, people don't start feeling this thing out of nothing. I think trauma is caused BY something. Different experiences require different solutions and approaches. If you describe the experience you had, the one that caused the trauma (it's ok if it's more than one experience), then we'll be able to move further. If you want to, you can send me a pm, if it will make you feel better.
          Okay. Thank you. The thing about aspd is that it's a personality disorder. You're born with it or you develop it and in this day and age I don't think there will be an effective treatment any time soon. You either have help or you don't and not everyone gets the mental help that they need. (ASPD being Anti-Social Personality Disorder)
          "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

          "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

          Comment

            #6
            Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

            Originally posted by EndlessCravings View Post
            Okay. Thank you. The thing about aspd is that it's a personality disorder. You're born with it or you develop it and in this day and age I don't think there will be an effective treatment any time soon. You either have help or you don't and not everyone gets the mental help that they need. (ASPD being Anti-Social Personality Disorder)
            Being someone who isn't social, I can understand that. Maybe there is no medication for this. However, you're not completely out of options. Try meditation, maybe it will help. Or relaxing music, if you're not into meditation.
            "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



            Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

            Comment

              #7
              Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

              Originally posted by Gleb View Post
              Being someone who isn't social, I can understand that. Maybe there is no medication for this. However, you're not completely out of options. Try meditation, maybe it will help. Or relaxing music, if you're not into meditation.
              Oh, I'm a very social person. And I've tried, it doesn't do anything then I get bored.
              "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

              "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

              Comment

                #8
                Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                I do understand the ASPD thing,might actually define me in some ways. Used to think I was kind of like Spock. It can be off putting to others when your vision of society in general feels like looking in from the outside. I have learned to be social when the need arises,but generally I stay away from to much social interaction because I can take only so much of human interaction.

                - - - Updated - - -

                One other thing,when I was in the mental health system,and did the therapist thing(my issue at the time was severe depression) I found the definition of Personality disorder and asked my Therapist if I might be like that. What I found out was,therapist's hate dealing with a person with ASPD because it is one of the most difficult to deal with over all the others.
                MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

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                Comment

                  #9
                  Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                  Originally posted by anunitu View Post
                  I do understand the ASPD thing,might actually define me in some ways. Used to think I was kind of like Spock. It can be off putting to others when your vision of society in general feels like looking in from the outside. I have learned to be social when the need arises,but generally I stay away from to much social interaction because I can take only so much of human interaction.

                  - - - Updated - - -

                  One other thing,when I was in the mental health system,and did the therapist thing(my issue at the time was severe depression) I found the definition of Personality disorder and asked my Therapist if I might be like that. What I found out was,therapist's hate dealing with a person with ASPD because it is one of the most difficult to deal with over all the others.
                  Honestly, I don't necessarily blame them. Personality disorders are pretty messed up, and I know a lot of other people with ASPD get dropped by their therapist o psych for manipulating them. Which seems to play a big factor. Though, there are some who actually choose not to manipulate and cause havoc. It's a spectrum and it's different for everyone.
                  "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

                  "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                    I don't want to step on you here, Endless Cravings, so please tell me if I'm off base. I think lots of people confuse ASPD with introversion, when in fact, people with ASPD are often quite outgoing, charismatic people. The difference is in the depth of empathetic emotional response. To me it sounds like you are worn out with the pretending to respond empathetically that you have to do to get along.

                    Based on this and other posts you have made, it sounds as if you have been working hard at blending and trying not to upset others. This must be exhausting. I do hope it works out for you and those around you. Do you have a place to recharge your energy where you can avoid upsetting others?

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                      Originally posted by Prickly Pear View Post
                      I don't want to step on you here, Endless Cravings, so please tell me if I'm off base. I think lots of people confuse ASPD with introversion, when in fact, people with ASPD are often quite outgoing, charismatic people. The difference is in the depth of empathetic emotional response. To me it sounds like you are worn out with the pretending to respond empathetically that you have to do to get along.

                      Based on this and other posts you have made, it sounds as if you have been working hard at blending and trying not to upset others. This must be exhausting. I do hope it works out for you and those around you. Do you have a place to recharge your energy where you can avoid upsetting others?
                      You're not stepping on my toes at all, Prickly Pear! I'm pretty outgoing and sociable, charismatic, too. But it's all a mask because underneath all of that I actually really don't care, y'know?
                      And yep, I am pretty burnt out from trying to respond empathetically. I've been using it a lot more than usual, becoming absorbed in the act and I can sorta recharge in my house. Even then I have relatives coming to me to empathize with them about animal abuse, and things that happen. The other day when I almost had an episode I was just really tired of everything but I think I'm doing a lot better today. Thanks so much for your input!
                      "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

                      "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                        I'm glad it's better today.

                        I get exhausted because I care lots about things people treat shallowly(which is not a real word).

                        I do think it is worth your effort to try. Good on ya for that.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                          Originally posted by Prickly Pear View Post
                          I'm glad it's better today.

                          I get exhausted because I care lots about things people treat shallowly(which is not a real word).

                          I do think it is worth your effort to try. Good on ya for that.
                          Thanks, Love! I definitely do try, I won't lie about that. I'm sure my down time and view of fun is pretty different than everyone else's. I have to learn and try to control myself. I'm doing a lot better than I was years ago. When I was stealing, lying, fighting, and a lot of other stuff.
                          "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

                          "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                            Originally posted by Prickly Pear View Post
                            I'm glad it's better today.

                            I get exhausted because I care lots about things people treat shallowly(which is not a real word).

                            I do think it is worth your effort to try. Good on ya for that.
                            What things do people treat in a shallow fashion that you care about?
                            "Turn, and look in the mirror. What do you see?" Her own brown eyes stared back at her until she was nothing but a blur.

                            "I see you. Red lipstick spread perfectly over your lush mouth, brown eyes that hold centuries upon centuries of secrets. A face made to entice even the most celibate of men and women alike. A red dress that sways and moves with your body, making you a temptation like no other."

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

                              Blech, fake talk in general. Gossip disguised as concern. Stupid news items that make no sense if you put any sort of thought into them. People treating blatant lies as fact. Valuing people based on their financial worth rather than their human qualities. The list goes on. I feel pretty curmudgeonly right about now.

                              I don't know if you're being friendly or looking for tips on dealing with more emotional people. Either is fine. I think basic small talk is a kind of necessary fake talk, but there is a kind of "Oh, aren't we best friends but not really" kind of interaction that I find exhausting. I guess I like sincerity. I'm like Linus. I don't know how encouraging this explanation is to you. I suspect you need to be insincere more often than others. But you have been pretty up front about your struggle in your posts so maybe not so challenging as all that.

                              I think it's okay to say " I see you are really upset about those animals. I agree it's bad, but I don't have a way of discussing it with you without us both getting angry." Sincere enough, but not fake. For a stranger "I really can't talk about that, it's too hard for me". Those would both work for me, although family is different sometimes because of history.

                              Anyway, this is pretty rambling. I suspect your skills are pretty good already. Hope you are feeling better.

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