Hiding In Plain Sight

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

Heavy metal my friend. Heavy metal is your friend. I can't tell you how much NIN I listen to to get out all my rage. It's great.

Haha, that's funny. I'm not too fond of it, myself. That never seems to work for me.

[Medusa]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

Heavy metal my friend. Heavy metal is your friend. I can't tell you how much NIN I listen to to get out all my rage. It's great.

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

I feel you. Everyone has their own discipline they have to push upon themselves. Some more than others. But with experience you will learn to do it as old hat. Maybe find a way to do some controlled destruction.

Like what? What do you have in mind?

[Medusa]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

I feel you. Everyone has their own discipline they have to push upon themselves. Some more than others. But with experience you will learn to do it as old hat. Maybe find a way to do some controlled destruction.

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

I will caution about owning a label. Don't let that own you. Don't let it define you. I spent my whole life watching a bi polar mother. Then saw I was on the same path as her. It really messed me up for a while there. I just gave into it. Wore the label and stopped living my life. I just became a walking diagnosis and didn't even try to better myself. After my last suicide attempt and put on emergency disability, I kicked my own ass into gear. A hell of a lot of self behavior modification and an iron vise on my emotions helped me. I don't do anything I 'feel' like doing. I do what's right for me and that seems to work. I don't always want to do it. I want to just smash into a truck at time still. But I don't.

I would listen to Thal. You have years before you are who you really are ever going to be. Don't write yourself off.

Oh I'm not. I just know how I think, how I act, feel, and what I'm going to do. I'm just tired of faking stuff, y'know? I mean, my mind and how i think isn't going to change, I'm jist exhausted. Back when I was younger everything was a lot worse. I didn't have control over myself. I stole hundreds of dollars from my Kin, blew it on B.S., used to fight all the time, steal, have issues with the police, set stuff on fire. I'm a lot more in control now. I just get tired of holding myself back and acting a certain way.

[Medusa]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

I will caution about owning a label. Don't let that own you. Don't let it define you. I spent my whole life watching a bi polar mother. Then saw I was on the same path as her. It really messed me up for a while there. I just gave into it. Wore the label and stopped living my life. I just became a walking diagnosis and didn't even try to better myself. After my last suicide attempt and put on emergency disability, I kicked my own ass into gear. A hell of a lot of self behavior modification and an iron vise on my emotions helped me. I don't do anything I 'feel' like doing. I do what's right for me and that seems to work. I don't always want to do it. I want to just smash into a truck at time still. But I don't.

I would listen to Thal. You have years before you are who you really are ever going to be. Don't write yourself off.

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

I have wondered about myself because I do not mourn people that have died,not for my Father or Mother,or older brother or older sister. I do not feel anything other than the feeling they are no longer here,but no mourning.
Not sure if that is because I do not feel anything,I just have never felt like mourning like I see others do. I will say I have never felt like I belonged anywhere(Stranger in a strange land thing)

Everyone reacts and deals with grief or death differently.

[anunitu]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

I have wondered about myself because I do not mourn people that have died,not for my Father or Mother,or older brother or older sister. I do not feel anything other than the feeling they are no longer here,but no mourning.
Not sure if that is because I do not feel anything,I just have never felt like mourning like I see others do. I will say I have never felt like I belonged anywhere(Stranger in a strange land thing)

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

Honestly, it doesn't sound all that abnormal to have intense period of wanting to be alone, to want to scream or rage or cry or whatever. Seems pretty much like life.

Sure, that's normal, I guess. Being upset and all that shiz. My lack of morals or the fact that I don't feel guilt or regret is another thing. Couple that with a low emotional range. Makes an interesting cocktail.

- - - Updated - - -

At times I think,do the shrinks really understand all the various aspects of human behavior. Mostly it seems they believe they understand how humans are effected by events in life,or there are physical changes. I almost think we humans have a built in death wish along with a severe fear of death. Just from all the really evil acts some humans commit I do wonder about what Jung called the Shadow. Our deep dark sinister other self I think it is considered.

Our darker angels,as compared to our better Angels .

Just my wondering mind..as the year wanders to another ending.

Evil and good are perspective based.

[anunitu]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

At times I think,do the shrinks really understand all the various aspects of human behavior. Mostly it seems they believe they understand how humans are effected by events in life,or there are physical changes. I almost think we humans have a built in death wish along with a severe fear of death. Just from all the really evil acts some humans commit I do wonder about what Jung called the Shadow. Our deep dark sinister other self I think it is considered.

Our darker angels,as compared to our better Angels .

Just my wondering mind..as the year wanders to another ending.

[thalassa]

Not meaning to be abrupt...I'm on my phone & insimniacing in bed when I should be sleeping.

Honestly, it doesn't sound all that abnormal to have intense period of wanting to be alone, to want to scream or rage or cry or whatever. Seems pretty much like life.

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

Brain maturity doesnt occur til your 20s

It still won't make a difference. Children born like that isn't going to change when they hit their 20s, so. I wasn't born with it, but still. Sometimes I'm content being like this, other times not so much. Some are diagnosed at 19.

[thalassa]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

Brain maturity doesnt occur til your 20s

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

So is this a formal diagnosis?

I've already talked to a Psych. Recently, actually. I have to wait until I'm a bit older to be diagnosed with ASPD. I'm too "young". But he's already told me that I have ASPD but am too young to get diagnosed with it officially because my brain isn't done developing. Ive been like this for years. It isnt going to magically change from the time it takes me to turn from 17 to 18.

[thalassa]

Re: Hiding In Plain Sight

So is this a formal diagnosis?