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A comedy, of sorts. Mainly of errors.

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    A comedy, of sorts. Mainly of errors.

    Since it's been like, nine years or some such shit, basically nobody here knows what's going on in my life. So before I can rant and bitch and complain about it, y'all should probably be brought up to speed.

    I'll try to be brief but those that know me know that that isn't going to happen.

    Way way back in...I think 2011 my wife and I moved from Las Vegas to Portland, OR. Of course, the last ten years or so has shown us the error of our ways - rising taxes, rising cost of living, lowering of standards pretty much everywhere. Our city is a fucking disaster, not helped by an entrenched DINO (unrelated, but I am so SICK of Democrats supporting DINOs regardless of their policies. Ted Wheeler wants to put homeless people in concentration camps. Do Dems *really* want that to be their legacy?). We haven't been happy there (Portland) for a very long time.

    We own a home, so we have some stability. I also haven't been able to work for the last 7 years or so (which is ANOTHER long story, but in summary it started with a gradual and persistent decline in my health and abilities while various doctors told me it was variously "in my head" and probably caused by nerve damage that they couldn't explain. The story ENDS with my heart attack last year ("but you're too YOUNG to have a heart condition!") putting things into perspective and, at least until I get surgery, continuing to be unable to work a proper job.

    The end result of all of this drama is that we need to get the fuck out of Portland and we've known it for...well...for quite a few years.

    Of course, Russian Asset and Serial Ra*ist Trump didn't help things at all, and watching the Democrats fall all over themselves to not hold anyone accountable is also not improving our mood. Where do you move to when everywhere in the country is run by the same kinds of malfeasance and abuse? Answer: out of the country.

    So we've been looking. Of course, we've looked at all of the "usual" offerings - UK? (not a chance - they're more fucked up than us) Canada? (too expensive and, it turns out will take us years to get approved, even though my wife has family connections that should make it a sure thing). Australia? (everything wants to kill you) New Zealand? (they don't want us and I don't blame them). South or Central America? (did I mention how dangerous Portland feels to us? I'm not sure that's the right way to go). Denmark? Finland? Netherlands? (we have five dogs so we need to be able to buy property BEFORE we try to become citizens)

    Of the available options, the two that seemed most likely to work for us were either Spain (not thrilled about their animal rights scorecard, but it's inexpensive enough) or France (wife's family is from France, and at least they know how to protest to keep their Democracy)

    So we chose France. Easy enough, right?

    Fast, well, a couple of years. Remember that our plans were stalled by a malfunction of the ticker, and the closer we get to the 2024 election the less I like my options in a country that will drown me in debt sooner than help me try to lead a productive life.

    My wife and I visited France last year; mainly to get a feel for the country, the people, and the different areas that we might be interested in. Successful, we settled on a very general area (the middle) and started looking at available houses and properties online. The upside is that we have enough money to probably get into someplace livable before we sell our house in Portland, and THAT will leave us with a nice hefty chunk of change to live and survive on for at least a couple of years. Things, it seems, were looking up.

    In the middle of March of this year we found a house up for auction - in Portland it would be a half-million dollar house, easy, but because it was an auction the opening bid was a dreamy, steamy, $15k. After looking into it, we determine it's a good deal, but the downside is that we can ONLY place a bid if one of us is able to get to France to physically look at the house.

    Ok, so it sucks, but not a dealbreaker. My wife is stuck working, so we had planned on my coming to France, looking at that (and maybe other houses), and maybe scoring us a French home in the countryside.

    Plans, doing what they do, kind of hosed us on that though. We reached out to the agents about a week before the bidding was supposed to start - at least ONE of us had to be in France before reaching out; we've learned from experience that if you're not in the country, people don't take you seriously.

    Here I am, on my second (of like, seven) week in France and I've still been unable to get phone service that works in the country.

    No phone service? Means no rental cars. No real estate agents. No Uber. It also means a lot of my gimping around on a cane to try to get from point A to point B which, I should say, is fucking exhausting.

    I'm currently able to connect to people in exactly three ways: Through the internet (such as here or 'other' social media, which...well, I don't do. Twitter is dead and the rest are even bigger piles of garbage), via email (which is basically the only thing that consistently works for me lol), or through a home-based chat server I have set up to communicate with my wife. That's it. I do speak *some* French, but I'm not exactly going out and socializing because I need to watch how much I spend.

    And now we finally get to the point.

    Rant: It would be really really REALLY nice if my wife could find time more than once every four days to touch base with me. I could solve a lot of problems if I had the 'right' information (for example, I could get a local telephone...if I could verify our bank account. Why not log into the app? Because I don't have access to the old email address that I signed up to it with. Oh, I could set that up again and get everything working - if I could get my wife to spend five minutes at home to help troubleshoot connectivity to the server). With phone, at least I could get something done.

    As it stands, it just seems to be a boring as fuck vacation trapped in a dinky hotel room. No kitchenette, so I'm left eating super rich French food (or fast food, which is cheaper, but will kill me faster). Hopefully some of these issues will resolve before the weekend, but it's fucking maddening.

    You'd think that I'd be happy playing video games, but with heart condition comes anxiety, which I wasn't doing great with BEFORE almost dying. Sitting here playing video games (or even bitching on a Forum) isn't advancing our agenda AT ALL. It is wasting time...nothing more. But what else CAN I do? I leave the room maybe once or twice a day to walk to the grocery store or KFC or whatever which just about kicks every part of my ass it can reach, return to the room exhausted, pass out for four hours, rinse repeat.

    And the thing is, I know I'm going to go back to Portland and I'm not going to BE any more relaxed than when I left, regardless of what I'm ultimately able to accomplish. sucks balls. Nothing is easy. Ever.

    Re: A comedy, of sorts. Mainly of errors.

    DM me if you need any help with the language or the bureaucracy of it all. 10 years of being in France has taught me a lot, hah!

    Check out my blog! The Daily Satanist


      Re: A comedy, of sorts. Mainly of errors.

      Motherfucker...finally something went right.

      The phone that came yesterday without a SIM was paired with the SIM that arrived today and...voila! I'm connected to the goddamned world again.

      Gotta take the small wins because the big ones never happen.

      - - - Updated - - -

      Originally posted by Sean R. R. View Post
      DM me if you need any help with the language or the bureaucracy of it all. 10 years of being in France has taught me a lot, hah!
      Merci! We're navigating things...well...okish. The language barrier isn't too bad - I've been practicing. Hardest part is understanding spoken French, but with a little bit of "plus lentement, s'il vous plait"s and "mon francaise est nul" seems to do the trick for the most part. Google translate has been a huge help too. Fortunately most of the conversations are predictable so it helps just picking out the important bits.

      Poitiers huh? You're not far from where we want to be. I'm currently parked in Limoges but am planning on circling the entire area...we have houses to look at all over in this part of the world. (Le Dorat seems to have some good deals on large fixer-uppers)

      We haven't even *begun* to deal with the bureaucracy yet, but I've personally found that admitting my ignorance (of pretty much everything) seems to go a long way. People respect humility, regardless of language.

      - - - Updated - - -

      (I know that 'in this part of the world' means vastly different things to the French vs Americans. My commute to work used to take 3 hours...everything is relative)


        Re: A comedy, of sorts. Mainly of errors.

        Got into a car accident last year. Found out today I'm being sued for, well, basically more than I could ever hope to earn. Of course, it's the middle of the night in the US right now, so I'm just panicking; nothing to see here.