I find myself feeling lost.

[Blayne]

For a long while, I had not considered myself religious, and spent the first quarter of my life so far as a protestant by birth, but atheist by practice.Two weeks ago however, I had what many consider to be an awakening. I found myself being thrown into a world that hasn't really changed, but my newly awoken awareness has made thing complicated. I'm aware of the energies around me- I can manipulate them, I can feel them and to some extent even see them. With that, I have become unfocused, and it's not something I can go to many of my friends and talk about. I do have one person I can talk to, but her abilities are more along the lines of a dark shaman, while my own are geared more towards healing and communing with earth spirits (plants, animals, fae, etc).

I don't hold many of the same beliefs as most pagans. I worship no gods or deities, and many concepts of the religion confuse me as the ones I would turn to are not your average pagans. I have purchased a few books, but I find myself growing disinterested in the technical things; the rituals, the tools, etc. It's not that I am being disrespectful, but because of this and my view and experiences so far, I have a hard time grasping the "religious" part of paganism. Because of this I find myself alone because I feel as if I am pagan, but I'm not at the same time. I believe in the core concepts, but I still feel like it's not enough, especially if I wish to find a group in my area to participate with and make some friends.

I have been told I have the potential to take the path of the druid, but I have such a long way to go and much to learn before I take that path. For now, I need help finding a place to start. Again with my own personal beliefs it's hard to find the right books or people to read and talk to. I'm lost and I have no idea where to go from here.

I need guidance and a helping hand.

[B. de Corbin]

Re: I find myself feeling lost.

Look within. Find the guide who is already guiding you.

Section I

Even thus saith Hermes: Through long years I have not ceased to experiment, neither have I have spared any labour of mind And this science and art I have obtained by the sole inspiration of the living God, who judged fit to open them to me His servant, who has given to rational creatures the power of thinking and judging aright, forsaking none, or giving to any occasion to despair.

[Näre]

Re: I find myself feeling lost.

Not all Pagans need to worship gods/deities or do rituals or have tools. (Personally, I can relate to what you say about books, as I don't do big rituals or practice magic.)
Perhaps you'd like to take a look at humanistic paganism. Imo it sounds a bit similar to what you described:

But a person drawn to Paganism by its down-to-earth orientation may be disturbed by other aspects of Paganism, such as the belief in instrumental magic (the belief that thought can cause change in the physical world without corresponding physical action), New Age trappings like crystals, or the literal belief in gods as sentient beings.

Good luck with your search!

[Domtar]

Re: I find myself feeling lost.

I understand where you're coming from-- I had a lot of spiritual experiences start happening for me before I even found pagan communities-- so far I still have so many questions about what is happening-what is trustworthy to interact with and what isn't, what direction I should go. I like this humanistic paganism- it seems to have leanings toward compassion which is also my bent. Sometimes I get really clear feedback about my purpose/mission/direction-- and things that may be happening-- for example that many more will be awakening like this and will be in need of help. There will be a need to create supportive communities to help those wading these waters. But with all groups, they often contain humans-- with group think,dominant members, people with power issues struggles that they don't even see are happening. Creating safe spaces that support individual freedom while also offering support is a complicated thing to achieve. I hope some of that will happen organically through the works of people in spaces like this-- and of course people will probably find and create their own smaller communities with more specific focuses.