The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

[Medusa]

The whole Duggar's scandal has been in the news for a while now. And there seems to be a very distinct dividing line. Duggar parents are horrendous! Duggar parents are forgiven by God.

This isn't about them. But their interviews did get me thinking on something. The quick background in question:

The Duggar parents knew their teen son was molesting (in whatever form from over/under clothes to conscious/unconscious victims). They held back in seeking outside help (they sent Josh to a camp, but it was to work on homes, not work on not being a molester). They even built their new home (I kid you not) with the girl's wing being on one side of the house and the boy's wing on the other. With the parental master bedroom literally being in between. The girls were not allowed to be left alone with the boys without parental supervision.

In essence and with the media outrage removed...something that happens in homes today. Family members know some child in the family is being touched. Family members keep it a secret. Family members 'protect' the victims by playing inter family cops so to speak. Family members instruct the victims how to try to not be a victim without actually making the molester the responsible party.

In essence the Duggars are just as fucked as the rest of us. And...most of those families are also turning to 'Jesus' to forgive them and rationalize not actually doing something more about it. So why aren't we also pointing these stone throwing rock gripping fingers at ourselves?

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

Years ago, a man named Tony Silva was the curator of Loro Parque, a wonderful parrot santuary/zoo in Tenerife, Spain. He was very well known and respected for his efforts in protecting rare species, promoting knowledge, etc. The entire parrot-owning/interested community knew his name. So it came to pass that he was arrested for being a prominent figure in the illegal smuggling (for profit) of endangered species of parrots.

This has a completely different impact on the community than if some Joe Schmoe gets caught doing the same thing. And hence the uproar about the Holier-Than-Thou Duggars. It's all about the hypocrisy.

[Medusa]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

To be fair, all those families who are hushing up their child victims are hypocrites too. Every mother who lets her husband touch their child. Every husband who lets their parent touch their grandchild. Every family member who hushes up a girl and says 'don't be alone with uncle billy or aunt sally. They are equal to these parents. These parents just got caught.

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

To be fair, all those families who are hushing up their child victims are hypocrites too. Every mother who lets her husband touch their child. Every husband who lets their parent touch their grandchild. Every family member who hushes up a girl and says 'don't be alone with uncle billy or aunt sally. They are equal to these parents. These parents just got caught.

Yes, they got caught, but it creates a bigger frenzy than if some Joe Schmoe did. Because they talk a huge talk, in public, and didn't walk the walk. The example I gave (Tony Silva) illustrates my point. It's like a cop getting arrested for dealing drugs is different than Joe Schmoe. (Boy, Joe gets in a lotta trouble LOL)

[anunitu]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

The point is kinda,fame is over rated...if you are famous and you fart,the whole world gonna know...not just your close friends...:=[:

[Munin-Hugin]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

People like watching stories about other people, especially those who are "monsters" or all around dysfunctional because it makes them feel better about themselves. And even if those watching have the exact same problems as those being watched, it makes those watching STILL feel better about themselves because, well ... "Hey, it's not just us, and it could be worse."

It's disgusting, this obsession over the personal lives of celebrities and the focus on trying to make them out in the worst possible light. People are people, folks are folks, and scum will be scum.

[kalynraye]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

I think there are quite a few people who live in denial. I think there are lots of spouses who would rather turn a blind eye and pretend they live in a perfect world then admit that they are married to a monster or that their parents are monsters. Lets be honest would it not screw you up royally to know that your instincts failed you and that you put your child in harms way??? Some would rather believe their child is lying or encouraging this behavior then take the side of the child.

These people have no right to "police" these situations. They have no right to leave those children in harms way. It makes me sick and it makes me angry and they should be punished just like the person who is committing the abuse.

[anubisa]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

It's really sad that they knew and didn't do anything. From what I understand, their son came to them and told them. Shouldn't they have done something then? What were they thinking?

[Medusa]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

It's really sad that they knew and didn't do anything. From what I understand, their son came to them and told them. Shouldn't they have done something then? What were they thinking?

I agree.

Now ask your neighbors the same question. Or better yet. Ask your own family. We all have this. The Duggers are shitty people. Just like most of us. We don't want to see them on tv anymore. We don't want to see our secrets spread out like that. We are them. We just hide it better I guess.

[anunitu]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

Thing is what they(the Duggers) have done is teach their son you can just hide things rather than face up to them. He came to them for help with something,and they buried it in some family secret hole,to fester until it pops up one day as it hits the fan...

[CrystalJackal]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

Whenever I think "Duggar" all I can think about is Margaret White, the religious zealot mother in Stephen King's masterpiece Carrie. I wouldn't be suprised if these people locked thier children in the closet and told them to pray too, and beat them for going through puberty.

The Duggars are terrible people in general. But what grates against me is the way they treat women. No kissing or holding hands until marriage. Girls cannot wear pants. Those are just two of their "rules". And their daughters have basically been told they shouldn't get jobs, but should instead stay at home until marriage and then make babies. I hate that. Not just that they are zealots themselves, but that they made their children the same, and then THEIR children will be that way, and then THEIR children, until one child is brave enough to break the chain. I hope that child comes sooner than later.

Gods if these people had one conversation with me they'd chase me around sprinkling water on my head while performing an exorcism.

[Gas Mask]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

Whenever I think "Duggar" all I can think about is Margaret White, the religious zealot mother in Stephen King's masterpiece Carrie. I wouldn't be suprised if these people locked thier children in the closet and told them to pray too, and beat them for going through puberty.

The Duggars are terrible people in general. But what grates against me is the way they treat women. No kissing or holding hands until marriage. Girls cannot wear pants. Those are just two of their "rules". And their daughters have basically been told they shouldn't get jobs, but should instead stay at home until marriage and then make babies. I hate that. Not just that they are zealots themselves, but that they made their children the same, and then THEIR children will be that way, and then THEIR children, until one child is brave enough to break the chain. I hope that child comes sooner than later.

Gods if these people had one conversation with me they'd chase me around sprinkling water on my head while performing an exorcism.

The Duggars are creepy. I've always thought that. This thing just makes them creepier. I agree with you on the holy water and exorcism thing. I wear denim, I wear sneakers, I wear a Seahawks cap, and I've been told that I'm rather 'butch'. I'm a liberal, pro-choice lesbian pagan. I'm snarky and I have an absolutely filthy sense of humor. I wonder if they would try to exorcise me or stone me.

[Maythe]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

In the UK we've been having a rather different child sex abuse scandal. Several of our beloved childhood cultural icons have been shown to be nasty fucking rapists. Then there's the towns that are facing up to the fact they have/had a big problem with abuse of teenage girls by groups of men and the fact that when it was brought to official attention it was brushed aside; the police wanted to focus on the burglary stats, the councils just wanted the problem to not exist, the girls were 'bringing it on themselves'. And then there's the Catholic church, the Scouts, several schools... The revelations have been really widespread and we're having to face up to exactly how common this is/has been in our society. Of course, there is huge variability in how well we're facing up to that and how thoroughly we're examining ourselves but here we really can't pretend it's just 'those people'. I think you've put your finger on the fact that there's a distinct danger in just going 'eeew those nasty fundamentalists are pedos' because then we fail to turn around and ask about 'people like us'.

[CrystalJackal]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

The Duggars are creepy. I've always thought that. This thing just makes them creepier. I agree with you on the holy water and exorcism thing. I wear denim, I wear sneakers, I wear a Seahawks cap, and I've been told that I'm rather 'butch'. I'm a liberal, pro-choice lesbian pagan. I'm snarky and I have an absolutely filthy sense of humor. I wonder if they would try to exorcise me or stone me.

Exactly. You basically described me (My sense of humor isn't dirty, but it's very dark and morbid). I walk around in nothing but black, my hair will be dyed black and red very soon, I wear chokers and chains and all that crap xD
I'm a liberal lesbian pagan too xD
Plus I don't want kids. Oh gods. The horror.

Probably exorscism. They'd believe you were possessed by the devil and that they could "cure you". The only time I found demonic possession stopped via-chanting and holy water entertaining was in The Exorcist. But it didn't beat the pea-soup projectile vomiting. And evil demon child.

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: The Duggars: A deeper, more personal question

In the UK we've been having a rather different child sex abuse scandal. Several of our beloved childhood cultural icons have been shown to be nasty fucking rapists. Then there's the towns that are facing up to the fact they have/had a big problem with abuse of teenage girls by groups of men and the fact that when it was brought to official attention it was brushed aside; the police wanted to focus on the burglary stats, the councils just wanted the problem to not exist, the girls were 'bringing it on themselves'. And then there's the Catholic church, the Scouts, several schools... The revelations have been really widespread and we're having to face up to exactly how common this is/has been in our society. Of course, there is huge variability in how well we're facing up to that and how thoroughly we're examining ourselves but here we really can't pretend it's just 'those people'. I think you've put your finger on the fact that there's a distinct danger in just going 'eeew those nasty fundamentalists are pedos' because then we fail to turn around and ask about 'people like us'.

And this is the real problem of course. Children are at more risk from trusted family friends, the local priest, scout master, music teacher, etc., than they are from weird people. But - since ancient times - it's always been easier to blame 'the other' the outsider, the barbarian.
And we should really be looking closer to home.