I feel stupid for this :( I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

[Wenny]

If I think about questioning God then I start to feel like I am having a panic attack. It mainly happens when I am meditating. It like on overwhelming fear that comes over me after I ground and start searching. I feel like I am being held back by something but whenever I question myself the fear starts to set in. Any help what this could be.


Sadly I can not get in to see a therapist. I am on a wait list so it is a start.

[Gas Mask]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

I don't know if this will be the case for you, but I have to take pills for my paranoia and anxiety. It could be paranoia and/or anxiety.

[Wenny]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

I don't know if this will be the case for you, but I have to take pills for my paranoia and anxiety. It could be paranoia and/or anxiety.

I've often wonder if my dad's death had anything to do with it. It like my family was perfect til we broke away from the Church, then my brother's OCD was triggered, my dad started having affairs (which I didn't know about til after his death). I was just discovering Paganisam and I feel like if I question then something bad will happen.

[Gas Mask]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

I've often wonder if my dad's death had anything to do with it. It like my family was perfect til we broke away from the Church, then my brother's OCD was triggered, my dad started having affairs (which I didn't know about til after his death). I was just discovering Paganisam and I feel like if I question then something bad will happen.

Don't be scared. Whatever the problem is, you shouldn't feel stupid for talking about it.

[Gleb]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

Don't feel stupid or bad about anything! It's not your fault! Maybe it just takes you more time to reach your goal. Try using relaxing music or drinking tea before/during meditating. Usually it helps.

[Munin-Hugin]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

I've often wonder if my dad's death had anything to do with it. It like my family was perfect til we broke away from the Church, then my brother's OCD was triggered, my dad started having affairs (which I didn't know about til after his death). I was just discovering Paganisam and I feel like if I question then something bad will happen.

This is pretty common, actually. Change is pretty scary, when it comes right down to it, even though it is something necessary for us to be able to grow and evolve. That doesn't make it any less frightening. You've been "cut off" from the spiritual support system that you'd come to rely upon, troubles arose in your family, and you've recently embarked on a journey that people may consider is "wrong", "childish", or "against God". When you lay out all the facts, it is totally understandable how questioning more things in your life could create a large amount of stress.

Obviously, advice is easier given that followed, listened to than acted upon, and understood than put into action. With that said, the first and foremost is that you should relieve yourself of the burden of the issues with your father and your brother. "I don't feel like I'm to blame" you may immediately think, but by mentioning it, it shows that it is something that you think about regularly and have taken into yourself. It's not your fault. You didn't cause those things to happen. Once you let that go, you can move on to the issue at hand, your doubt and your anxiety.

It's hard to let go of the concept that "God is not to be questioned or understood, simply followed and accepted." Making the transition from a faith of no questions to one where questions are welcomed can be tough. There is no one way to worship, no one way to believe, no one way to touch divinity. Don't think of your questions as doubting, but as gathering information so that you can finally find the way that is best for you. With every question you ask, and every answer you receive, you are narrowing down a multitude of possibilities until one day, you will have the answers you are looking for and the path that you feel suits you.

I hope this helps a little, and I also apologize if I'm WAY off base.

[thalassa]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

Change makes stress and stress makes our brain & body do all sorts of things... Also, we have a tendency to asscoicate things that don't belong together as being causitive....its a brain thing, a survival mechanism, but it results in all sorts of mistaken ideas....like the idea that autism is caused by the mmr vaccine, becuase the vaccine hhappens around the same time in development that autism symptoms show up...and now there are thousands of parents that don't vaccinate because they've bought into some bogus idea that vaccine=poison.

It sounds like you are having an adverse reaction to stress because you've associated church with when everything was going well in your life. But The thing is...you don't know how long your da. May have actually have been having affairs, just the ones you know about...and of course your brothers ocd could be triggered by that amount of stress! I'm glad you are on a list for therapy....It can be a helpful tool to separate those events from one another and to let go of some of your anxiety.

Meditation shouldnt cause a panic attack. So...I have to wonder if meditation was something that was againt yory churches teachings. Also, what kind of meditation are you doing? while you meditatie, what are you thinking about or attemting? your preconcieved ideas about meditation might be a problem, but so might the wrong technique (for you) or maybe you have the wrong meditative goals.

[thalassa]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

Something else to think about...but maybe not too much...is what you are afraid of. Are you afraid of the threat. Of hell? Or that your life will go out of control again because of the emotional trauma your family went through after it left your church last time?
I dont know how old you are, but if you were a child when that happened, you wouldn't have had much control over the situation anyhow....

Certain types of Christains would tell you that absolutely these are connected....but I can tell you that there as many of those people still in church with similar situations (or worse), and many people outside of it are quite content with life. These are just things that happen in many families, regardless of their religion or their piety.

[Wenny]

Re: I feel stupid for this I can't ask myself questions without a panic attack.

Change makes stress and stress makes our brain & body do all sorts of things... Also, we have a tendency to asscoicate things that don't belong together as being causitive....its a brain thing, a survival mechanism, but it results in all sorts of mistaken ideas....like the idea that autism is caused by the mmr vaccine, becuase the vaccine hhappens around the same time in development that autism symptoms show up...and now there are thousands of parents that don't vaccinate because they've bought into some bogus idea that vaccine=poison.

It sounds like you are having an adverse reaction to stress because you've associated church with when everything was going well in your life. But The thing is...you don't know how long your da. May have actually have been having affairs, just the ones you know about...and of course your brothers ocd could be triggered by that amount of stress! I'm glad you are on a list for therapy....It can be a helpful tool to separate those events from one another and to let go of some of your anxiety.

Meditation shouldnt cause a panic attack. So...I have to wonder if meditation was something that was againt yory churches teachings. Also, what kind of meditation are you doing? while you meditatie, what are you thinking about or attemting? your preconcieved ideas about meditation might be a problem, but so might the wrong technique (for you) or maybe you have the wrong meditative goals.

It did. I am not use to not having rules. When meditating I start by grounding myself, vitalizing myself as a tree and growing the roots then leafs. I then try to meet the Lord and Lady Brigid. With Brigid, it is very fuzzy like there is static and with the lord it is when I try to meet him that I get the panic feeling.