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Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

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    Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

    The reason I added the warning is because I can't verbally talk about it without welling up. Particularly two songs Bear and Putting The Dog To Sleep by The Antlers! Gosh it tears me up. Anyway...

    Has anyone here made an offering or something for a miscarried child? I know I didn't know them personally, and it has been over two years since it happened but it still breaks my wife and I every now and again, and I want to set a space of my shrine aside as permanent space in remembrance of him/her. They would have been one year old in February last gone and talking about them never makes it easier. We wish we had been able to talk to them. Has anyone done anything like this and if so, and you don't mind talking about it, would you say what you did for them? Not just miscarriage, but other losses of a child you wish you had the chance to get to know?
    I'm not one to ever pray for mercy
    Or to wish on pennies in the fountain or the shrine
    But that day you know I left my money
    And I thought of you only
    All that copper glowing fine

    #2
    Re: Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

    I have done something similar, though not permanent. My first pregnancy was a stillbirth at 26 weeks...9 years, 7 months, and 15 days ago. Her name was Aurora, and on the anniversary of her birth, I go to a particular area of the coast at sunset, where a set of rickety old steps head down to the sea, and I make an offering there.
    Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
    sigpic

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      #3
      Re: Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

      That's lovely, and such pretty name

      We don't know the gender of ours, it was only five months in, the pregnancy, but my wife is convinced it was a girl, and we were going to call her Bea, (Beatrice).
      I'm not one to ever pray for mercy
      Or to wish on pennies in the fountain or the shrine
      But that day you know I left my money
      And I thought of you only
      All that copper glowing fine

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

        Yes, we had a funeral rite for my daughters miscarriage. It was naturally aborted before gender was knowable so we called it Star. I have a sense that it was female but then all fetuses begin as female. Star was returned to the heavens to find a child that could live with the parents for a lifetime. My daughter has not yet become pregnant again so we are waiting. The other three children all have children and one of them has had a boy. That makes me a great grandfather. I am still trying to be a good father...
        The Dragon sees infinity and those it touches are forced to feel the reality of it.
        I am his student and his partner. He is my guide and an ominous friend.

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          #5
          Re: Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

          I've done travelling songs for miscarriages and have done generic remembrance for souls that have dropped their earthly garb. Think I've posted this before but if not here's something I wrote for a friend as a structure for a family member.

          ............................

          Memorial to a passed family member

          This is just my mind wandering and putting things together so just be for warned.

          If I were doing this I would make a sacred spot in the woods or upon the edge of the woods. Starting at a liminal time I would light a large white candle to represent the spirit and the purity of it. I would place this candle on a raised platform of some sort so it is higher than the ground where I would make a small fire. Since it is in honor and remembrance of a person I would light the fire pit from the flame of the white candle.

          Then I would light a green candle to recall the beauty of their birth and youth as they grew to manhood / womanhood. Remember and recall the things that remind you of him / her from that time. Perhaps write them down upon a sheet to offer to his / her spirit to show that you do recall and think of him / her in the purity of youth.

          Then I would light a yellow candle to mark the emergence of youth and energy as he / she grew to early manhood / womanhood and started upon the road of man. Do the same thing write out things that stand out that are important or show who he / she was and how you viewed him / her as a younger sister / brother. Feed those to the flame as well to let the spirit know.

          I would also light a brown or black candle to show the things that brought him / her down. It should be smaller than the others should be and sat lower down for though they caused his / her demise they still were lesser compared to the things he / she did and the love he / she brought forth. Tell him / her via the flame of paper how you hate the things that brought him / her down but not him / her personally. How they can never mar the greater beauty of his / her youth and shinning light.

          I would light a blue candle to mark the depths of the spiritual unknown and the ripples that will move across the currents of time like a ripple upon the waves. Mark the ripples that will continue and the spirit that is carried forward through the remembrance of him / her, his / her children if any, his / her friends, things that ripple onward and outward like the waves upon a deep set water.

          Set the colored candles just below the white candle for they are the facets of his / her life and spirit. They show the start, the middle, and the physical end yet the continued spectral ripples that move ever outward never fading though they may grow weaker across time.

          While the time of duration does not matter the liminal point opens the gateway to the veil to allow the spirits of your message and intent to cross over and be carried to him / her. That point where day is no longer day and night has not become night.

          Feed the fire but eventually let the flames turn to coals. Add water to the coals in small amounts to create steam and smoke and let the gods / goddesses write upon the steam and bring the images and words to you via the clouds of mist and smoke.

          If you desire feed the candles to the flames of the dying fire to consume and release the energy and memories associated with each phase of his / her life. Yet keep the white candle to hold as a marker in your home and heart of his / her spirit and the presence it holds upon you.

          In the end raise a toast of his / her favorite drink (does not mean it has to be alcohol) and toast to his / her spirit and the life he / she lived and the good things he / she brought forth to those that knew him / her. Leave a small amount to be used as a libation to the spirits of the land and place that watched and learnt of your brother / sister / father / mother / friend and his / her importance to the world.

          Lastly leave the kiss of a tear to mark the spot and the memories. Leave a kiss of tear upon the embers of the flame to be transmuted and carried to him / her in the spirit realm and perhaps the breathe of a kiss upon the smoldering embers to be carried as a remembrance upon the winds and taken to the four corners to convey you message and feelings.

          As an addition you might want to think about a straw man. The white candle would be at the point of the crown or head. The green candle would go at the point of the throat and heart. The yellow would go at the point of the base or groin. The black / brown about the level of the feet. The blue could actually go in a few possible spots, it could be placed upon a hand to mark the exchange and passing of touch, it could be placed just above the head to show the spiritual and ethereal that touches long after we are passed.

          Just off the top of my head so it might touch you or inspire you as the spirit may decide
          I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

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            #6
            Re: Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

            Thank you for your contributions, DragonsFriend and monsno_leedra.

            That is a good framework, monsno, I may adapt it for my circumstances if that's OK, thank you
            I'm not one to ever pray for mercy
            Or to wish on pennies in the fountain or the shrine
            But that day you know I left my money
            And I thought of you only
            All that copper glowing fine

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Something for someone you never knew. Warning: emotional content!

              That would be fine. I wrote it so there are no issues in that regard
              I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

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