Let me tell YOU about YOU

[Medusa]

So I'm going to just post this verbatim from reddit.

I can appreciate the recent body positive movement, but why are we telling women that we're all beautiful? We're not. Are all men handsome? I'm not saying we need to tell people when they're unattractive, I think they realize that, but rather shift the focus so beauty doesn't hold so much weight. How about complimenting women on traits we can actually control?

A lot of replies back and forth. But what do YOU think about this? Here was my answer:

Like when you are really telling one of 'curvy' gals about our bodies because you 'care'. Oh please. I don't tell people about themselves because it's none of my [censored] business. And more importantly because I don't [censored] care about you. I'm just dealing with me. (not YOU op, just general you)

eh. As you can see I'm just as mouthy everywhere else. It's not just you I terrorize.

[Sean R. R.]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

I'm beautiful, smart, elegant and badass. And I won't take disagreements seriously. I mean, look at me!

It's not just you I terrorize.

I don't know if I should feel relieved, or if I should just feel less special to you.

I agree with the fact that we should put less weight in physical beauty. But beyond that, I don't personally compliment appearance or personality traits. I compliment actions or creations. People attract me for what they do and what they achieve. Of course if someone's obese/underweight and upon realizing it is bad for their health, they adopt a healthier behaviour in order to get to a healthy weight, I'm gonna compliment them. If someone achieves to change a personality trait that was bad for them, I'll compliment that.

A state is not worth a compliment. Change towards something positive is worth a compliment though. That's how I work at least.

[Willow]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

The definition of beauty is pretty ambiguous in itself. Different people will find different things particularly beautiful. The people who seem to think only a select few people are gorgeous are the ones who hold that standard of beauty to specific standards and refuse to expand their definition for whatever reason.

Having spent years studying the human body, there isn't much I don't find beautiful about it. I can appreciate pudginess, stretch marks, moles, asymmetry, bony hips, scarring, etc... We aren't models. Our bodies sometimes reflect our life stories, and that is never something to be ashamed of. I don't entirely understand why perception of the human figure and its individual uniqueness seems so alien to so many people. Maybe it's because of the mass media showing airbrushed models to the world, maybe it's social elitism, I couldn't really care less.

To be honest, the people that I really find ugly are the ones who are constantly scowling, sneering, or looking down on other people as if they're "better than." They could be the most symmetrical, flawless person on the planet, but that personality is downright disgusting to me and it often shows up in physical features.

[Spiny Norman]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

As you can see I'm just as mouthy everywhere else.

I think I'll agree with you then.

[Thrudr]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

A state is not worth a compliment. Change towards something positive is worth a compliment though. That's how I work at least.

I totally agree with that.

In western culture it's often the case that girls get compliments on their beauty or goodness (which are rather unchangeable states) and boys get more compliments on their personal achievements (which are very changeable by effort). That's why at older age, women often see problems where men see challenges. Because girls are taught that if they do something good it's because of their mostly unchangeable traits and men know that if they try harder they will make it. Of course this doesn't apply to all women and all men, but generally speaking this is the case. This article explains more about this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...e-bright-girls

I do get the positive body movement as a reaction to the model/media industry, showing us only what they think is now the 'perfect body'. I think it's better to just not focus on beauty at all, but on things that matter. Like personal achievements.

[habbalah]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

I'm just waiting for some random jackass to be "concerned" about my weight and tell me about it. I plan to ask if they're a nutritionist or a doctor, because if they're not, they're just a nosy asshole.

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

Not sure I'm understanding the purpose of this thread. Can someone explain it to me?

[LearningMan]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

Not sure I'm understanding the purpose of this thread. Can someone explain it to me?

I think this thread is meant as a way for people to express their opinion about personal attributes (physical, mental, and psychological) and their opinion about the way society views said attributes.

[THANK...]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

I'll be friends with just about anybody as long as we have similar interests and are mutually beneficial to each other (being nice, basically). On the other hand, I will only date someone that has the physical attributes I am turned on by, plus the whole getting along in other ways thing. Attitude is a sure sign of beauty to me; people I have thought were not so physically attractive became more so as time went on because we became friends or at least better acquaintances (co-workers, for example), but still not 'pretty', or physically attractive people who have a sour attitude or a liars and cheats seem to get less physically attractive, yet still do not become 'ugly'. Basically, attitudes change appearances to me, even if ever so slightly.

[DragonsFriend]

Re: Let me tell YOU about YOU

For me, beauty isn't about physical appearance, and you can't see it in a photo, it exists in the way a person perceives their reality. The stronger that belief the more it shows. I have known women who looked like angels and on film they were "good looking" but they were ugly from the inside out. People who accept others, allow them to be who they are, without needing to understand them are the beautiful ones. I guess it comes from the acceptance of self and the work done to improve that makes it easier to accept others.