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Thread: Unsure of what I am

  1. #1

    Unsure of what I am

    Iím a bit confused and feel like Iím all over the place, haha. Iím not really sure what I should call myself, to be honest. Iím not sure where I fit in or if I fit in anywhere, really.

    So what is probably the most important thing about me is that I would consider myself an atheist. In that I donít believe in intelligent design but I believe the theory of evolution. However, I do sort of personify the Earth? I donít know, Iíve seen people say that the Earth is our mother and to be kind to her, which I 100% agree with. I feel like the Earth provides for us and we need to give back to her. I also feel really connected to nature...itís hard to explain but itís like being out in nature just helps me feel ďin the momentĒ and makes me emotional lol. Itís a good emotional though, not a bad emotional. I actually think the idea that the Earth created us is more beautiful than the idea that we were created by a God.

    I also love the Moon. I wonít go into too much detail but Iíve struggled a lot with finding peace in my female body in the past because of childhood trauma. And it might sound silly but I feel like the Moon helped me a bit? Because she is considered feminine but still is held in such a high esteem by witches whereas a lot of religions have a singular masculine god. Plus, thereís the connection to the goddess Diana. If I had a matron Goddess, it would definitely be Diana. Sheís the only deity I feel a strong connection with but I see her more as a personification of the Moon and a legend rather than an actual goddess. Like Diana is the only deity I feel a strong connection with, I feel a strong connection with moonstone as well. I definitely want to celebrate Esbats when Iím ready (Iím still studying up on everything haha). I might also be interested in celebrating Sabbats but like I said, I donít believe in literal Gods and Goddesses so I find it hard.

    Iím also really interested in learning more about astrology, shadow work, tarot reading and I donít know if this is considered a pagan thing but empaths. Because honestly, I do believe Iím an empath. Iíve just always been able to pick up on other peopleís emotions really easily. However, I donít actually believe in astrology or tarot reading, itís more that I find them interesting. I like to find out what the stars say about me and other people. I think this is part of the reason I feel so connected to the Earth. My sun sign is Virgo, my moon sign is Capricorn and my ascendant is Taurus. Thatís all three Earth signs. Iíve already learnt palm reading for the same reason as tarot reading, I just want to find out what it says about me because Iíve always been curious and I like being able to give readings to others as well. I also believe in dreamwork, because Iíve been able to do lucid dreaming ever since I was younger without ever knowing what it was called. I definitely want to keep doing this and expanding my knowledge.

    Iím also interested in practices such as herbology and kitchen witchcraft, meditation and grounding. I love crystals but itís hard to explain why... I just feel safer carrying them around with me. For example, I have a Tibetan black quartz for strength. But I feel like itís more of a helpful symbol? Like by keeping that quartz with me, I can see or feel it and that reminds me to remain strong throughout the day. I want to buy some moonstone in the near future because this reminds me of the Moon and to embrace my feminine energy.

    There are also things Iím curious about and I might try in the future. Like I said, Iím still a newbie so I have to study a bit more before I decide if I want to do certain things or if I believe in certain ideas. Iím interested in potentially contacting spirits, chakras and auras and The Summerland. Iím not sure if I believe in an afterlife. But it would be nice to believe that a place like The Summerland exists. The description is exactly how I pictured the afterlife would be as a kid, strangely enough.

    Is there a term that fits what Iím describing? I just think it would maybe Ďsteer me in the right directioní with my studying lol. Thanks so much!

  2. #2
    Newbie Eleanor's Avatar
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    Re: Unsure of what I am

    Looks like you have an exciting journey ahead of you! There's lots to learn and it can be overwhelming. Just take it one step at the time

    It's hard to define oneself with a single term. I've been pagan for about 15 years now and I have explored different aspects of paganism. In the beginning I identified myself as a Wiccan. Later on as an eclectic witch. Now I usually just call myself a pagan, sometimes a witch.

    Just go with a term that you think best describes your current path and practices at this moment. It's alright to change it over time, because you change. Good luck!

  3. #3
    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Re: Unsure of what I am

    Being a pagan AND an atheist is no problem. It just means that you are doing consciously what (in my opinion) others do unconsciously - organizing thoughts and feelings that are too vast to consciously grasp into a graspable schema, using personification.

    Believe it or not, this is actually common amongst pagans, and has historical roots running back into antiquity.

    As to what to call yourself, I suggest you call yourself what you are: An Explorer.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Being a pagan AND an atheist is no problem. It just means that you are doing consciously what (in my opinion) others do unconsciously - organizing thoughts and feelings that are too vast to consciously grasp into a graspable schema, using personification.

    Believe it or not, this is actually common amongst pagans, and has historical roots running back into antiquity.

    As to what to call yourself, I suggest you call yourself what you are: An Explorer.
    Those who have suffered understand suffering and therefore extend their hand.

    I can't do everything, but I can do something.

  4. #4
    sea witch thalassa's Avatar
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    Re: Unsure of what I am

    I totally thought I had responded to this...


    It is absolutely possible to be both pagan and atheist--you might want to start reading here, and see if anything resounds with you: https://humanisticpaganism.com/
    ďYou have never answered but you did not need to. If I stand at the ocean I can hear you with your thousand voices. Sometimes you shout, hilarious laughter that taunts all questions. Other nights you are silent as death, a mirror in which the stars show themselves. Then I think you want to tell me something, but you never do. Of course I know I have written letters to no-one. But what if I find a trident tomorrow?" ~~Letters to Poseidon, Cees Nooteboom

    ďWe still carry this primal relationship to the Earth within our consciousness, even if we have long forgotten it. It is a primal recognition of the wonder, beauty, and divine nature of the Earth. It is a felt reverence for all that exists. Once we bring this foundational quality into our consciousness, we will be able to respond to our present man-made crisis from a place of balance, in which our actions will be grounded in an attitude of respect for all of life. This is the nature of real sustainability.Ē
    ~~Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

    "We are the offspring of history, and must establish our own paths in this most diverse and interesting of conceivable universes--one indifferent to our suffering, and therefore offering us maximal freedom to thrive, or to fail, in our own chosen way."
    ~~Stephen Jay Gould, Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of History

    "Humans are not rational creatures. Now, logic and rationality are very helpful tools, but thereís also a place for embracing our subjectivity and thinking symbolically. Sometimes what our so-called higher thinking canít or wonít see, our older, more primitive intuition will." John Beckett

    Pagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible

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