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  • #16
    Re: Ask a Mortitian

    I feel the business around death really screws people. I am not sure how one decides to become involved in that.

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    • #17
      Re: Ask a Mortitian

      I learnt a lot in and around death. I think society should consider it more closely. Perhaps it's not for everyone though.

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      • #18
        Re: Ask a Mortitian

        Originally posted by Ula View Post
        I feel the business around death really screws people. I am not sure how one decides to become involved in that.
        For me, I first became interested in being a death doula. I had heard about it and looked into it, but the classes were expensive, especially when the pay out was unsure, some folks do it purely on a volunteer basis, and I don't have a large amount of flexible income. Then I went through a spiritual experience last summer that really influenced me, had some subsequent spiritual experiences that led to me being interested in this field and feeling called to it, and realized that the schooling was affordable compared to the average income (somewhere around 65k/year, which in the US is pretty good, but nothing to call home about). I also knew that once I got my foot in the door, got licensed and had some experience, I could open up a green cemetery sometime in the distant future. I've been following the Order of the Good Death, and am interested in doing something similar to what they are doing. I'm sure a lot of people go into the industry either because it pays well or because their family was in it.

        I honestly don't think that the majority of the people I work with intend to screw you. But it is expensive, and it could possibly be cheaper. What you have to remember is that a funeral home has a lot of expenses. There is general upkeep of the building, utilities, etc. There are also usually large pieces of equipment, including vehicles and a backhoe, that have to be registered and kept up on. The land had to be kept up, and that means paying people to take care of lawn care, pruning, etc. Then they have funeral employees that they have to pay. These employees include accountants, lawyers, and graphic design artists, etc as well as funeral director/embalmers.

        There are also numerous regulations in place now that weren't half a century ago that prevent funeral homes from taking advantage of people. And there's a huge emphasis on honorable funeral practices at the educational level. There are laws regulating preneed sales for instance that weren't in place in the mid 1900's. Things like requirements that money from preneed contracts be held in a trust. There is also a federal law requiring a general price list being presented any time money is discussed so that people know upfront what things will cost and what money is going where.

        It is really hard though, when you have families who are grieving, to know that they are actually processing everything you're saying. It's not uncommon for someone to have completely forgotten everything that was discussed at any one point, let alone fine details. We usually have at least three or four contact points at my funeral home where we run through everything, to try and help with that. We get consent for initial care when we pick up the deceased. Then there is an arrangement conference when things like visitations and services are discussed in more detail. And there are usually at least one or two other phone calls made where details are reviewed, obits are approved, and any questions answered. And we still have people who can't keep it all straight, especially when they want a viewing/service, because they are grieving and grief can make it hard for you to focus, but things have to proceed because even with a great embalming a body will likely start showing signs of decomp at some point (sometimes that's a week, sometimes years, but we can't know until it happens) and state laws require burial after a certain time frame.

        So yeah. I don't think the intent is to screw anyone over, but miscommunication or misunderstandings can happen, especially in such strained times.
        We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

        I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
        It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
        Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
        -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

        Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

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        • #19
          Re: Ask a Mortitian

          Do you think you have learnt anything about how we as humans experience dying from your work?

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          • #20
            Re: Ask a Mortitian

            Originally posted by prometheus View Post
            Do you think you have learnt anything about how we as humans experience dying from your work?
            I have learned a bit about hospice work, but end of life care isn't a regular part of what I do. By the time a funeral director becomes involved, the death has already occurred.
            We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

            I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
            It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
            Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
            -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

            Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

            Comment

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