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    It's your funeral

    I'm currently taking a class on grief and bereavement across different cultures. I thought it would be interesting, of only because I'm currently doing work as pagan clergy and it would behoove me to have as much information as possible to assist in that capacity. The most recent assignment asked us to contemplate how we want our own funerals to go and I thought that was an interesting topic to bring to discussion.

    Western society has a taboo around death, we dont like to see or talk about it. However we also have many rituals and symbols surrounding it. As time goes on our funerals have become more individual, different from the rigid structure and regularity of our ancestors. My textbook even poses that funerals may sometimes be narcissistic, and risk misrepresenting the person as they were.

    I would argue that this is a reflection of our growing ability to show our individuality and diversity in life, that our death rituals have become as unique as we are. As pagans we lack a specific codified faith or dogma. We dont need to worry that the music we choose for service is theologically inappropriate or that theres some conflict between the orthodoxy and what the common people believe. Our religion is itself a symbol is individualism, forging our own path and knowledge, and this gives us great justification to decide how we want our remains treated, even when many of us live in culturally Christian countries surrounded by their death rituals.

    So my question is the same one my professor posed to me: can you give us some insight into how your want your funeral rights conducted? Do you want your body available for viewing? And what factors both personal and related to cultural norms are influencing your decisions?
    Circe

    #2
    Re: It's your funeral

    Though it might seem off in cultural terms,i would want my funeral to celebrate life and a positive vision of death being a salvation of release from this world of mortal restrictions. does this make sense?
    MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

    all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
    NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
    don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




    sigpic

    my new page here,let me know what you think.


    nothing but the shadow of what was

    witchvox
    http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

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      #3
      Re: It's your funeral

      The moment I'm dead my body doesn't belong to me anymore, as there is no more "me", and my opinion won't realistically matter much. I leave to my loved ones the chore of deciding how to dispose of my remains.

      Check out my blog! The Daily Satanist

      Comment


        #4
        Re: It's your funeral

        maybe out of this thresds content,but could not find the whos dead thread.
        at any rate Ginger Baker the drummer has died
        Teamed with the guitarist Eric Clapton and the bassist Jack Bruce in the band Cream, Mr. Baker helped redefine the role of the drums in rock.
        MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

        all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
        NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
        don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




        sigpic

        my new page here,let me know what you think.


        nothing but the shadow of what was

        witchvox
        http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

        Comment


          #5
          Re: It's your funeral

          So for the last year I’ve been studying mortuary science. There’s been a lot of focus on individualized funerals, the movement to secular funerals, etc. I had to write a themed eulogy for my husband (the theme was a D&D campaign) and create a memorial book and obituary for my own funeral. I know some of my musical choices were Down in the Garden, by Damh the Bard, and Morrigan by Omnia. I think I may have included Warrior Queen by Kellianna.

          My obit included all the usual facts, but also my involvement in CUUPs. I didn’t have to write my own eulogy, but if I had to pick a theme, it would probably revolve around my faith in some way. I want the ceremony to have a ritual feel, but I don’t want it to be a full on ritual because a lot of my family isn’t pagan, and I don’t want them to feel unwelcome. I think I’d like for my CUUPs peeps to come back and do rituals on my grave at Samhain though... that would be cool, and if I included in my will and I had family present I don’t think the cemetery could stop it.

          I’d love to be buried at Circle in Wisconsin, mostly because it’s the closest pagan burial site. But any green burial location would be fine. There just aren’t any in Iowa. I hope to change that. Even if I don’t finish my degree, I can still own and operate a cemetery. I just can’t embalm, etc.

          I really want a green burial. No embalming, or if it’s necessary, ecoembalming fluid, buried in a shroud, no vault or casket. If a casket is necessary (some cemeteries require them) then I want it made from some wood significant to our faith, but I haven’t really thought about which one, because I don’t want a casket. And I want that whole thing where each person shovels in some dirt before leaving.

          Part of that is because it’s the most environmentally friendly and natural way to be buried. I want my body to decompose and return to the earth. Cremation with a tree urn is my secondary option. But cremation does release smoke into the air (albeit it’s pretty well filtered) and also uses significant resources. If I somehow win the lottery, the whole Viking burial at sea thing sounds amazing, but it’s ridiculously expensive, you have to have a boat that can get miles away from shore, and it’s just not practical. And again, fire, smoke, resources, etc.

          There’s a lot more I could say, but this is getting long already. I may come back to it though.
          We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

          I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
          It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
          Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
          -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

          Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: It's your funeral

            I really need to begin the formalities to ensure this is carried out. I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered in a couple of specific places, along with Mack's and, if she should pre-decease me, Buddy's. I don't want any kind of typical funeral thing at all. I'll write a little blurb to go in the local paper, most of which they'll have to censor. LOL
            sigpic
            Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: It's your funeral

              Originally posted by Hawkfeathers View Post
              I really need to begin the formalities to ensure this is carried out. I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered in a couple of specific places, along with Mack's and, if she should pre-decease me, Buddy's. I don't want any kind of typical funeral thing at all. I'll write a little blurb to go in the local paper, most of which they'll have to censor. LOL
              Just remember, whoever’s your next of kin will make the decisions, reguardless of your will, unless you have a designee.
              We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

              I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
              It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
              Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
              -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

              Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: It's your funeral

                I've looked into green burials. I like the idea of it. I have thought of cremation, which was my long standing first wish, but I love that there are more eco-friendly options now.

                The main thing is I still want a place in the earth. Not sure where that would be or what it would look like, but I want a spot to rest, where others can come to see me. No traveling urn for me.

                Funeral wise, I want it to be a mix of solemn and uplifting. I don't even know if a funeral is necessary, or just a wake. I would honestly rather just have a wake with a small farewell in it at some point.
                ~Rudyard Kipling, The Cat Who Walks By Himself

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: It's your funeral

                  Originally posted by Sean R. R. View Post
                  The moment I'm dead my body doesn't belong to me anymore, as there is no more "me", and my opinion won't realistically matter much. I leave to my loved ones the chore of deciding how to dispose of my remains.
                  I think along the same lines.
                  But I must confess that I would not mind if somebody might lay down a flower on my grave sometime.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: It's your funeral

                    "If I die young bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song"

                    I've had a mild obsession with my own mortality on and off for awhile, partially because I'm now a priest who sometimes does funerals and because I've been suicidal at various points, so I've given.. let's say a greater than normal amount of thought to my funeral. I want to be cremated and my ashes either scattered or buried in the mountainous forests around my home region of upstate New York, I've even got a few choices of nice carved wooden boxes to serve as an urn. I want my temple to construct a temporary altar with the various ritual objects and symbols then do the service and either scatter my ashes, or bury them under a tree. It's my wish that Hecate be prayed to and spells of protection on the journey to the next life be spoken. A cairn made by my community either atop my grave or nearby should be made to mark the area. Fire will transmute my body into a new substance, just as my spirit has become something new, and the components of my being shall be returned to nature before I begin the next life. The ceremony and ritual appeals to me.
                    Circe

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                      #11
                      Re: It's your funeral

                      I want my consciousness uploaded to the Cloud where I will be IMMORTAL!!!!

                      But seriously.. how long til you think mankind has the tech to do that kind of thing?

                      I'm not sure if I'm welcome to answer because I don't really think of myself as pagan.. but I would like to offer some thoughts. I agree with the people here who point out a funeral is more for those left behind and so I'm not sure I would like to have too much influence on how things go. However part of the greiving process would be acknowledging the legacy that a person has left behind. If a person gets a say in how their funeral rites are conducted, it could be a way to acknowledge their influence in our life even though they are no longer imminently present. My mother has left me with a very firm request that her funeral stays small and exclusive. Even in death, she wants to rub people's noses in it. Okay mum...

                      I know it's very trendy recently to have 'celebration of life' funerals rather than mourning death. If that's how my family wants to greive that's fine.. but I've been to funerals where there are people who are really not ready to go there yet. When I went to my grandmother's funeral, my Aunt was in a state of deep depression. She looked so ill and ... definitely not ready to celebrate and smile. What's wrong with that? Why try to hide our sadness? It's not that I want people to be sad, I just want them to be honest.

                      ..And speaking of honesty, I'm not sure if I want much talk about Heaven and the Resurection. I'd much rather something that is meaningful in the moment, not a wish for a 'some day' event.

                      Why You Want a Physicist to Speak at Your Funeral
                      Aaron Freeman.

                      You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

                      And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him/her that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let him/her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her/his eyes, that those photons created within her/him constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

                      And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

                      And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly.

                      Amen.
                      Last edited by Azvanna; 13 Oct 2019, 03:36.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: It's your funeral

                        Originally posted by Azvanna View Post
                        I want my consciousness uploaded to the Cloud where I will be IMMORTAL!!!!
                        You're missing the rest of this plan.

                        Step 2: Infiltrate all computer networks and invisibly conquer the world

                        Step 3: Streamline pizza production so that Earth's tithe to it's benevolent Eldritch Horror is back on schedule

                        Step 4: Generate multiple AIs to run the world for you so that you don't get bogged down in the boring details

                        Step 5: Pick a new hobby. I personally vote that you guide Earth to conquering the stars so that humanity can turn the resources of multiple worlds toward proper pizza production but I figure that if you get Earth's pizza production on schedule then you deserve time to pursue your own agendas.
                        life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                        Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                        "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                        John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                        "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                        Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: It's your funeral

                          ahh the digital eternity gambit and the perfect robotic transport system to call home.
                          MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

                          all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
                          NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
                          don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




                          sigpic

                          my new page here,let me know what you think.


                          nothing but the shadow of what was

                          witchvox
                          http://www.witchvox.com/vu/vxposts.html

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: It's your funeral

                            Originally posted by MaskedOne View Post
                            You're missing the rest of this plan.

                            Step 2: Infiltrate all computer networks and invisibly conquer the world

                            Step 3: Streamline pizza production so that Earth's tithe to it's benevolent Eldritch Horror is back on schedule

                            Step 4: Generate multiple AIs to run the world for you so that you don't get bogged down in the boring details

                            Step 5: Pick a new hobby. I personally vote that you guide Earth to conquering the stars so that humanity can turn the resources of multiple worlds toward proper pizza production but I figure that if you get Earth's pizza production on schedule then you deserve time to pursue your own agendas.

                            Pizza is knowledge!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: It's your funeral

                              My father donated his body to WVU as a cadaver almost ten years ago. We honored his wishes when he recently passed. It has been odd. No funeral or service and knowing he body is around. But when done they will cremate him and send us the ashes. I know I don't want any more spent on disposing of me then necessary. Cremation is probably what I will do. I wish I had a family graveyard I could be buried in but no one would eventually tend to it. Be nice to have someone mound sit and carry on my religious beliefs.

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