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Thread: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

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    Bronze Member iflewoverthecuckoosnest's Avatar
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    Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    An old friend of mine seems to be terribly depressed. She confessed this to me a while back. She told me that she felt incredibly lonely and was upset because no one spends time with her anymore. We made plans to hang out today, but she cancelled them at the last minute. She's been doing this for a while. Whenever I talk to her, I can just hear the heavy sadness in her voice. I've been depressed in the past, so I understand some of what she's going through. I also understand that isolation isn't very good for depression, in most cases. Unfortunately, depression also tends to make people want to isolate themselves. I don't know what to do. She'll make plans to see someone, then cancel them, then become even more depressed because she feels so lonely.
    I want to help her and be supportive, but I don't know how when she's pushing her friends away like this. I also don't want to invade her personal space or force myself on her. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Have any advice? Thoughts? Thanks.

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    Supporter Hawkfeathers's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    Just keep being patient and keep in contact. Sounds like you're being a good friend!

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    Eldritch Priestess Willow's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    All you can really do is be there for her when she needs you, maybe suggest she talk to someone about it. But ultimately, it's in her hands.

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    Nihilistic Goddess Medusa's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    Ask to hang out with her. Let her know you won't talk about that at all. It will just be a day to get away. Maybe take her to a zoo. Animals always help. A lot of times we (the depressed) don't want to be around people because we don't want to have to pretend to be happy. Let her know this upfront. That you get it. Then just do something with her alone. Coffee. A movie. And just talk to her normally. If she wants, she will open up to you, if she's ready. Good luck.
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    Quote Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
    Ask to hang out with her. Let her know you won't talk about that at all. It will just be a day to get away. Maybe take her to a zoo. Animals always help. A lot of times we (the depressed) don't want to be around people because we don't want to have to pretend to be happy. Let her know this upfront. That you get it. Then just do something with her alone. Coffee. A movie. And just talk to her normally. If she wants, she will open up to you, if she's ready. Good luck.
    Fairly much this ^^. Just being there and not saying anything, and making it clear that you don't expect her to say anything either can be a big help.

    One more thing. You could try to give her practical help if that is possible for you, such as, do the shopping, cook for her (maybe make something at your own place that can be reheated), wash her laudry, etc.
    I know not all with depression will agree that this is a help. For some messing with the everyday things is just an increased stressfactor they don't need to deal with right now or taking away the things that make them get out of bed in the morning, while for others not having to cope with all these daily or weekly things helps lighten the burden. So it is not unconditionally a good idea, but I thought I'd give it to you anyway and let you decide on the matter.

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    Bronze Member iflewoverthecuckoosnest's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    Thanks so much for all of the advice, you guys. I really appreciate it.

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    Supporter lillywolf's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    also don't try to make her go out if she does not want to...maybe sugest to her that you will have a girly night in with a film so she does not feel pressured to talk, and if you cook dinner or you just slob out and eat junk for the night ! that made me feel better, still does

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    Bronze Member iflewoverthecuckoosnest's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    That sounds like it just might be her kind of deal. I'll be sure to suggest it

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    Cat Freak Gleb's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    First of all, you are a very good person and devoted friend.
    I had a similar situation some weeks ago. Your friend needs somebody to rely on, and you are the ideal person for this.
    You don't need to push her, but to spend a little time with her. For instance, you can meet a couple of times during the week, and hang out together.
    Best of luck!

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    lady sings the blues DanieMarie's Avatar
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    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    Quote Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
    Ask to hang out with her. Let her know you won't talk about that at all. It will just be a day to get away. Maybe take her to a zoo. Animals always help. A lot of times we (the depressed) don't want to be around people because we don't want to have to pretend to be happy. Let her know this upfront. That you get it. Then just do something with her alone. Coffee. A movie. And just talk to her normally. If she wants, she will open up to you, if she's ready. Good luck.
    This. You can also suggest a movie night in at her place. I know that when I was depressed, sometimes it was hard to get me out, but I'd gladly have people over.

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