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Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

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    Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please


    #2
    Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

    I probably would have gone about it slightly differently, pointing out that if he went into a predominantly African American neighborhood and tried to act that way, many people would think he's mocking their culture, and he'd stand a good chance of getting himself beat up.
    Great Grandmother's Kitchen

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      #3
      Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

      I guess my reaction was in two parts;

      Part 1: having grown up in predominantly an African american neighborhood, that was also a very "thuggish" (for Pittsburgh anyhow lol) neighborhood, I thought to myself, is this kid nutz, he can't go acting like that. I mean I hate to say it but my son was always the one bullied, is this maybe just a new expression now that he has found himself free of bullies? Since he transferred from a public school where he was bullied literally daily, to a private catholic school where every kid is well behaved (at least in school), and he now has friends? So now he feels that it is ok for him to be a bully? I don't know. Or is it just his personality being developed and with the influence of the music this is the direction it is taking?

      Part 2: I don't feel that I am racist inside, I don't ever hold myself above any other culture, but I guess I do have a bit of a "seperation" mind, at least for myself. I don't feel that it is right (defined anyway you want), for someone of one culture to pretend to be someone of a different culture. And I'm trying not to steriotype without getting my point across, but I don't know that I i'm articulate enough to do that without coming off as a racists apparently lol.

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        #4
        Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

        Firstly, you're not racist. Just poorly-chosen words for the situation maybe. But not racist.

        Secondly, that kid is 12 and it's this age period where kids are the most susceptible to outside behaviors (they want to emulate whom they think is cool). It's not really about the message or the culture or anything behind it, and they will fight tooth and nail to maintain their "chosen identity". But it is a phase, and it will pass. And you were right to bring it up regarding boy scouts, if he's causing fights or other disturbances. 12 is when kids start realizing that they can build their identity, they do not realize that identity is built from experiences (rather than will).

        If you give him time and space to see where those behaviors get him in life, he will learn. Sooner or later, they lose that egotistical attitude (usually). If they don't, there's nothing you could really do about it anyway. But pick your battles. Getting into a tiff over something as sensitive as one's behavior/identity/etc... will never end well for either of you, and is where bitter relationships between parents and children begin (and they don't often ever resolve either). Kids remember, and they remember the lack of encouragement and support and understanding; and they will know that they can not come to you with certain things about their lives as they grow older.

        Show that you understand, but ask that he be polite during scouts. Let him explore it and eventually he'll reach a place where he realizes that it doesn't quite "fit", and he'll try something else. But he'll be doing it on his own terms, and as long as you accept his transitions without shoving it in his face, he will respect you too. Well you know, until he's 17... It's just a kid development thing; but trust me when I say those feelings of being judged as worthless and stupid do not heal.

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          #5
          Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

          The more I think about this, the stickier it gets in my head.

          You'd have to define so many things. What does 'acting white' mean, or 'acting Irish American' or 'acting black' even mean?

          It might help to remove it from a racial or ethnic perspective, and put it more into a 'musical culture' perspective. Explain to him that, while he wants to express his rap or hip-hop tastes, he can do so by buying the music & wearing the fashion, even using the vocabulary to an extent, but he doesn't have to threaten everyone around him. Maybe talk to him about his behavior alienating his other friends, or intimidating his teachers, and having a bad attitude. If he's using a lot of references to weed when he talks to other people, that could lead to him being subject to random searches at school, or even kicked out of the Scouts.

          There's also a strong possibility that he knows his taste in music and decision to align himself with that culture annoys you or his mother. That's what kids do to express their individuality and non-conformity with authority. For me, it was heavy metal, for my oldest sister it was punk & the New Wave. For my mother it was the beatnik thing. I'm pretty sure you may have done something similar when you were a teenager - and it probably annoyed the crap out of your parents, too.
          The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

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            #6
            Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

            I'm from small-town Canada and when I was growing up every other kid acted like that because they saw it on TV. We just associate it with urban American culture, not so much African American culture (which we don't really have on the Canadian West Coast, or Vancouver Island anyway...we have a lot of Caribbean people and American professionals). Where I'm from is fairly isolated though, and everyone's culture really blends together and no one really cares. I don't think you're racist but I do think it's strange anyone cares...

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              #7
              Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

              Perz's advice is good. I second that.
              Great Grandmother's Kitchen

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                #8
                Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

                I think your son is quickly learning exactly which buttons to press in order to rile you up. Your best option is to hide those buttons so he can't find them. Heathens are, unfortunately, often accused of being racist. But racism is not the same as being proud of one's culture - whatever it happens to be. Your son has probably already learned that by accusing you of racism, he will win the argument, and in a sense he has, because you are here and worrying about it.

                I would say your son is smart, but he's not infallible. He can win the argument with you because you are a good bloke who has his best interests at heart. If he tries the same argument with not-so-good people, he will probably get a punch in the nose. If he tries it with real racists, he may even end up with worse.

                So, back off. Leave culture out of it for the time being. You son already will have picked up on the fact that there are religious differences between you and his Mam. He's bright. He'll use it.

                Concentrate on behaviour and only behaviour. Explain that what is acceptable in one situation will not wash elsewhere and now that he is old enough and bright enough to understand he should remember that or face the consequences (e.g. getting kicked out of boy scouts or getting punched on said nose.)

                Real racism is a horrible thing... all too often it's portrayed as swastika daubed thugs, but it lurks in other places too, disguised as religion, politics and decency. That's when it's at its most dangerous.

                Best of luck. Twelve year old sons can be very difficult sometimes.
                www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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                  #9
                  Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

                  Thank you all, I think I have a better insight in how to handle this now.

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                    #10
                    Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

                    Good luck!
                    The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

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                      #11
                      Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

                      How'd it go?
                      Satan is my spirit animal

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                        #12
                        Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

                        I think it went well. Instead of making it about "culture" "race" or anything that he could throw back in my face lol (for a lack of a better description). I went with something I find to be universal among all religions, as well as science.

                        Energy!

                        I explained his actions, the choices he was making, and everything that pertained to the conversation in the form of Negative, Positive, and Neutral energy. I related it to his Catholisism, as well as his scientific mind, and even snuck in a bit of my heathenism in there :P, but not enough to make his mother mad ;P

                        It worked out too because last night we had a parent teacher conference at catholic school (which i will say is very different than at public school), and I was able to go back to him and relate to the conversation we had about energy, and I think I got though to him because its been almost a week now and his actions seem to have a bit of thought behind them.

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                          #13
                          Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

                          Awesome! Nicely done!
                          Great Grandmother's Kitchen

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                            #14
                            Re: Am I a Racist? Your thoughts and Opinions please

                            Oh Brilliant - great news!
                            www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                            Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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