Anyone here involved in committed polyamory? (not just casually dating multiple people)
My spouse and I had a year-long relationship with our mutual best friend, who's been in love with both of us for about 7 yrs now. Due to a number of stressors--including my culturally-trained discomfort with polyamory--we broke up about 6 mo ago. Now some of those stressors have lessened, and we've had a taste of being apart and not liked it.
...so I find myself needing to do a lot of thinking and decide whether or not I can commit to an out-of-the-closet polyamorous marriage. (We all love one another and want to remain close above all, and aren't sure we can do that after a second breakup. So it's either agree to put it past us and work on becoming just good friends again, or commit to making it work.) I have no ethical issues with all-parties-aware-and-consenting poly, but I do have a lot of social baggage to get past if it's to be possible for me. Also a lot of personal fears: I love her deeply, and certainly not the same way I love my friends, but not the same way I love my spouse either--so how in love with her am I? Who in my family might actually disown me? Am I prepared for the incredible amount of sh*t my mother would give me? Would I be totally sabotaging my career? Can we actually make it with all the complexity of our existing relationships? Can a third person be equally added to an existing marriage, even a third person who has been close to the couple for years?
...help?
My spouse and I had a year-long relationship with our mutual best friend, who's been in love with both of us for about 7 yrs now. Due to a number of stressors--including my culturally-trained discomfort with polyamory--we broke up about 6 mo ago. Now some of those stressors have lessened, and we've had a taste of being apart and not liked it.
...so I find myself needing to do a lot of thinking and decide whether or not I can commit to an out-of-the-closet polyamorous marriage. (We all love one another and want to remain close above all, and aren't sure we can do that after a second breakup. So it's either agree to put it past us and work on becoming just good friends again, or commit to making it work.) I have no ethical issues with all-parties-aware-and-consenting poly, but I do have a lot of social baggage to get past if it's to be possible for me. Also a lot of personal fears: I love her deeply, and certainly not the same way I love my friends, but not the same way I love my spouse either--so how in love with her am I? Who in my family might actually disown me? Am I prepared for the incredible amount of sh*t my mother would give me? Would I be totally sabotaging my career? Can we actually make it with all the complexity of our existing relationships? Can a third person be equally added to an existing marriage, even a third person who has been close to the couple for years?
...help?
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