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Thread: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

  1. #1
    Golden Member DanieMarie's Avatar
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    People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    I don't really know where else to put this.

    Partly I need some advice, because I just wonder if I'm being way too sensitive. I have a few friends who kind of make me feel bad about myself sometimes. Like, they make fun of me a lot, and I know that's their sense of humour, but I have a lot of trouble taking it lightly. Some of the things they make fun of me for are genuine personality faults that I'm really working on, like the fact that I talk too much (which I do out of shyness and lack of confidence, btw), and others are stuff that's kind of personal but they know about, like the fact that I haven't had sex in a long time (which they sort of just guessed at, since no one has seen me with a guy in over a year). But sometimes the things people say to me really hurt, and I've never really been good with the kind of humour that involves making fun of people. It's ok when it's occasional and maybe related to something silly I did right then, but when it's all the time I have a lot of trouble with it, even though the kind of people who do it do it to everyone.

    Am I being too sensitive? If so, any advice on how to swallow that better?

    Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?

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    Honorary Supporter Dez's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    Hun, this is the point where you need to have the guts to go up to that resin later and say, "hey, that hurt my feelings a bit. Teasing is fine, but can we tone it down a bit?"

    If someone is really your friend, they will respect that. If not...

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    High priestess of snikt Medusa's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    You are not being overly sensitive. If something hurts you, then it's valid. A few things could be going on. They have a different set of skin then you. They may also feel awkward and don't know how to talk to you about it. They may be genuinely annoyed (as in with the talking thing). Yea, friends can annoy us. Hence how they are annoying you. But...if they are friends? Just tell them. Say 'ouchie, that one hurt'. In fact both Hassan and I have said that exact phrase to each other before. Even I can get hit below the belt. And I just say so.
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    ΓΝΩΘΙ ΣΑΥΤΟΝ GabrielWithoutWings's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    I've dealt with people like this before. I've found that people like that usually have something on the inside that causes them do make fun of people to make themselves feel better.

    I don't do the whole 'pull them to the side and talk' because I've found that most people alone are fine. It's when you get them in groups and they do and say things they wouldn't by themselves.

    It really depends on your personality. Do you avoid confrontation? If so, then consider just dropping them from your life. I told myself a long time ago that I have enough negative bull**** to deal with as it is, what with my job and real life. I don't need my (so-called) friends to heap more and more helpings of it upon my plate.

    Then again, you can always attack back. There have been times where I've felt like I was ganged up on and have lashed out. I bring up something that hits way below the belt. Upon seeing their incredulous look, I've responded with something similar to, "What's wrong? It isn't funny when I do it?"

    That probably isn't the best route to take, though.

    Bottom line: If they're really your friends, they'll understand. If they think you're being a whiny drama queen, then they probably aren't your friends in the first place. Ditch them and find some that genuinely care about you.
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    Silver Member Caelia's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    Gonna reiterate that what you feel is valid. Don't put up with that at all. Tell them you don't tolerate that at all in front of everyone and be firm. It will take practice, but that's ok.
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    Member ConnollyCelt's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    People like to mess around, and they like to jibe at others to elevate themselves. I am certain most people have done it at some times, and I know I do it a lot - although I'm working on it. Some do it because they feel insecure about themselves, while others are just nasty people.

    These guys sound like your friends, so I think you should just tell them to tone it down a bit. Don't just try to ignore it or marginalize it. If it hurts, make it stop
    "Wealth is as swift | as a winking eye
    Of friends the falsest it is."

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    Less Than Angelic habbalah's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    I feel like I'm repeating everyone, but it doesn't matter if you think you're being overly-sensitive. If it's upsetting you, it's upsetting you. If your friend doesn't respect that, then cut them from your life. You don't need people around you that make you feel terrible. Especially friends.
    “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” -- Buddha

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    Golden Member DanieMarie's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    Thanks everyone. I'll try to get the guts to ask them to stop. Especially about the sex thing...it's really rude I think and I haven't done it in so long for a REALLY good reason (I can't do casual sex and I haven't met anyone in ages and I was seeing someone long distance!) A lot of people I know think my views on casual sex are really old-fashioned, but it's my body and if I don't want to sleep with someone I barely know, that's my business.

    I have one friend in particular who is especially hurtful. He's a bit awkward himself and I think he wants to make jokes but doesn't know how to deliver them really. He doesn't do it in front of other people much either...just one on one but some of the remarks he makes are hurtful and cutting. Like, he'll cut down something I'm wearing. Or make fun of me for guys I used to date. Or stuff like that.

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    The Gaze of the Abyss B. de Corbin's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    If it were me, DanieMarie, I'd pick the person in the group with whom I feel best, and have a private talk about how the teasing makes me feel. Hopefully it will filter back to the others, and they'll realize that they need to tone it down a bit. There's much less fuss this way than there is when you have to confront a group. I'd try this before the confrontation.
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    Supporter Madness's Avatar
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    Re: People who make you feel bad about yourself?

    While I whole-heartedly agree with everyone that your feelings in this situation ARE valid and it doesn't matter if anyone else is perceiving you as being overly sensitive...I just want to throw another thing into the mix.

    My mom made me read a book awhile ago called the Four Agreements. It's a bit touchy feely and simplistic view of the world, but I think you can take a lot from the book. The agreements are:

    Be impeccable with your word
    Don't take anything personally
    Don't make assumptions
    Always do your best

    I want to talk a bit about "Don't take anything personally". The reason my mom gave me the book was because she felt it helped her deal with her totally insane, cruel mother. In turn, it helped me deal with my mother! While it's extremely difficult to not take things personally when you are, in fact, being personally insulted, try to look at it from a different perspective. Like ConollyCelt said, some people attack others because they are personally insecure...or just mean. So when someone is being hurtful to you - it's THEIR problem. They are trying to make it YOUR problem. Resist the easy way out by internalizing the hurt. Do what everyone here has said - tell them it's a hurtful thing to say and ask them to stop. You can only control how you react in this situation.

    This has helped a lot when my mom does things like talk about how poorly I'm dressed or how bad my hair looks after I've lost weight - I know she does this as a defense because she struggles to lose weight herself. She also reveals in pointing out when I've gained weight. She is projecting HER problem on to me. It's really made me understand what is going on by not taking it personally but trying to see what she really means. I still can't make her stop saying those things, but it no longer depresses me.

    So, please do talk to your friends. But also don't internalize the teasing! That doesn't mean "blow it off" as in just ignore it, but don't carry it around with you. Doesn't sound like you are, but just wanted to mention it!

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