Coming out of the Broom Closet

[satanic witch]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I've been hearing all the time that my blend of syncretic soft polytheistic pantheism is not a real religion and I have made it up. I literally want to punch faces when people say this, but I try to stay calm.

thats the same with me and my blend of syncretic wicca with theistic satanism , and staying calm is the best idea

[Amunet]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I am just new to the Pagan thing. Just this month I did a little informal prayer to dedicate myself to learning. I know my views are clearly Pagan, I'm just still figuring out big questions and small things too.
My husband and I are going on the same discovery path, but different spiritual path ... both under the Pagan umbrella. Other than each other, only my Mother, Sister and Cousin know ... my cousin being the one that practiced Wicca in the first place a while ago (she has since gone back to Christianity).

I was raised Mormon (LDS) and most (all?) of my father's side is Mormon and my mother's side either are some part of Christian or just not really anything at all (but she is slowly sharing her faith by example).

So, I think I'm still in the Broom Closet and I really don't know how to tell my father. But he's been very supportive. My mother found out during a rather confusing time last month ... I am going through things and she found out about OTHER things too at that time.
Lol so telling my mother was more like verbal vomit

[treetopfolk]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I have been in debate with myself for a couple months now about coming out of the broom closet.
It started when I wore a pentacle necklace to family lunch and my mom (recognizing it from the books they threw out when I was a teen) said, "what's that mean. It's not that Wicca thing again, huh? " and I lied... kind of.
I told her it was a symbol of protection, which is not necessarily a lie, but I know it's there to represent my Pagan path.
I say this has been a debate but really it's me wanting to, but talking myself out of it by thinking of their reactions.
I really don't believe that they would disown me, but my mom has said in the past "if my girls didn't believe in God I don't know how I'd live".
Now please keep in mind my parents are very kind and loving people, but they are also very set in their Southern Baptist Christian ways and beliefs. The main concern is I know my tendency to dwell on things comes from my mother and I know her constant thought will be, 'my baby won't be with us in Heaven'.
This breaks my heart and terrifies me because my mom already deals with depression at times and I don't want to make it worse.

I know there is always the option to just not tell them, but I dont like being dishonest when things come up like the necklace.
That particular situation bothers me because I'm lying to my parents, but also because I feel like I'm hurting my gods by lying about my belief in them. I think this fear comes from my history of being raised Christian and when Peter denied Jesus, etc.

I am actually becoming kind of depressed myself with this debate.
My boyfriend and friends know about my path and have no issues (that I know of) but I just don't know what to do.
I've never had a mentor or guidance with the Pagan path and don't know any others in my area with this kind of background so I just feel very lost right now..

[Roknrol]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Your religion doesn't have to be public. If you're afraid of the unreasonable repercussions, it's nobody's business but yours. You have a community here that you can be open and honest with.

Five years ago I would have advocated sprinting out of the closet naked and screaming covered in whipped cream to announce that you were "out", but as I've gotten older I guess I've recognized the value of keeping silent.

If you tell your devoutly Christian parents that you have rejected God (after all, they only believe in the one), it is very likely to cause them undue distress. Distress that will cause them to want to convince or coerce you into changing your religion again - uncomfortable for everyone involved. Or they may decide to let it "run it's course", figuring it's a fad. You can bet in a couple of years when you haven't converted that they'll be even more upset when they realize that it wasn't.

Or they may respect your decision to take your soul into your own hands and make your own decisions on the matter. Does that sound like them? If not, well, then I wouldn't expect it.

And ultimately your religion is for you, not for anyone else.

As far as the jewelry and trappings go, that's a bit more challenging. It's been awhile so I'm a bit rusty on the details, but I'm thinking you're going to want to set up an altar and either haven't done so or have it hidden. That includes knives and goblets, things that Christian parents often don't approve of, especially when you're asking for privacy. Then there are the books, which are a definite giveaway.

Telling them that your religion is private is not dishonest.

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? If you are nearing the end of your schooling or are planning to be on your own soon that will make things vastly easier. It's far easier to just wait until you have your own space and don't have to answer questions that people don't want to hear the answers to. But of course, that's your choice.

I know that when you're younger (I'm nearly 40) it feels like when you encounter something new you just have to announce it to the world and be proud to have discovered such a wonderful _____________ (in this case, path). But really, there's lots and lots of time for discovery. There is a lot of time to experience new things and to explore your personal self. And you will learn (if you don't already know - I don't know how old you are), that once you get older your parents opinions stop being quite so critical (usually) to your happiness and...you know...then you can just "live" and not have to seek askance.

All of that being said.

If you really really really MUST come out to your parents, a few suggestions:
1) Make sure they aren't busy with other shit. Ask them for a time to sit down and discuss it, to minimize distractions. Also, you don't want outside drama skewing their perception when they are just learning...first impressions and all.
2) I would suggest that you reinforce the moral/ethical concerns near the beginning of the discussion. I don't know why, but it seems that many Christians seem to think that they only reason they behave like civilized human beings is because they're afraid of Hell. That in and of itself is kind of scary, but you may need to ease their minds on this note.
3) Don't push it. If they tell you they don't want to hear it or they try to walk away, let them. Then hide it. You shouldn't need to go through great pains for this - put the pendant behind your neck when your folks are around, or tuck it into a shirt. If you push, and they push back, you will lose (especially if you depend on them). Let it go. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss, and sometimes the best thing that we can do for our loved ones is not tell them what we really think.
4) Do not escalate. Do not be a child. Do not throw a tantrum. Do not interrupt. In order for you to convince your parents that what you are doing is not "wrong", you will have to be above reproach in all other respects, especially during the discussion. If you whine or gripe or have a thoughtless moment, that will indicate to them a lack of maturity that will give them every reason to treat you like a child. If they are *looking* for a reason, that will be it. So be mature. If they don't want to discuss it or they start getting angry, sit there and wait for it to blow out. Don't raise your voice. Don't give "a look". Just be patient. For some people the conversion of their child comes as quite a large shock.
5) Sometimes TMI is TMI. They don't need to know the history of the sacrifice. While most of us here know that the body and blood of Christ during Catholic ceremonies is nothing more than symbolized cannibalism, most Christians do not see it that way. They do not understand their own history well enough to see the comparisons. Telling your folks that you need a "sacrifice" is not going to go over well. Sometimes more generic information is better.

I do have to quantify all of this by saying that after being a Pagan for 10 years I became an Atheist, so that is certainly skewing my perspective. Temper your judgment with that information in mind Good luck!

[Roknrol]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Sorry, the one thing that that all boils down to (that I *didn't* mention) - You have the RIGHT to be private about your religion, even if the circumstances under which you live (parents, country, whatever) tells you otherwise. If they press you, you are allowed to lie, because it's under duress. It's the equivalent of signing a confession *before* they start on the second hand, it holds zero implications about your morals or your ethics.

[treetopfolk]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Sorry, I should've been more clear, I'm 22 years old and live on my own/stay at my S.O.'s most of the time. I don't really have the space to have an altar yet, I've never really been an active practitioner. I've been stuck in books for 7 years and am kind of nervous since, again, I've had no guidance so I'm not sure how things work or where to begin.
I am trying to find a mentor in my area, but I'm pretty shy around people I don't know so a coven is kind of out of the question for now.

I am definitely keeping it low key when it comes to the general public (customers, etc) as I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt (OK) and have found being discreet is usually the better option here.

[Heka]

Sorry, I should've been more clear, I'm 22 years old and live on my own/stay at my S.O.'s most of the time. I don't really have the space to have an altar yet, I've never really been an active practitioner. I've been stuck in books for 7 years and am kind of nervous since, again, I've had no guidance so I'm not sure how things work or where to begin.
I am trying to find a mentor in my area, but I'm pretty shy around people I don't know so a coven is kind of out of the question for now.

I am definitely keeping it low key when it comes to the general public (customers, etc) as I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt (OK) and have found being discreet is usually the better option here.

Just a reminder that an altar doesnt have to be big. It can be small, or even in a boz and portable, to be set up when you need it.

As for starting places, set up your altar and do some meditation, read something new or old, obserbe the seasons. Keep it simple

The only benefit to having your altar permanent is it can invite questions. By this I mean someone may ask what that statue is for, or those flowers, or whatever, and youll have had time to think of a response that may get them thinking, without inviting too much conversation, such as "oh its just for protection" or "just observing the seasons, isnt summer beautiful this year".

[treetopfolk]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I see what you mean, and also to build on that I think writing (typing) my problem out kind of helped me answer my own question. I appreciate everyone's input.

[Heka]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I see what you mean, and also to build on that I think writing (typing) my problem out kind of helped me answer my own question. I appreciate everyone's input.

Sometimes getting it out there is all it takes.

My shrinks told me I need to do that...

[Aurelia]

[moonixir]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I'm mixed with this. I've told some people that I am pagan, but only two family members that I am. Mostly because one side of the family is devout Southern Baptist, and the other is devout Catholic. They aren't too open minded about things, but that is alright with me. The people that matter most to me know about it, and fully support me. I told my now boyfriend a few years back that I was a pagan, and he was alright with that. I told my sister, and she accepted me with open arms because she's pagan too. I only then told one of my cousins who is a bit more open minded about things than most. Then I have a handful of friends, and all of them support me. When I first told them though, I was scarred that I would be judged or not have them in my life, but if came to it? I would be okay if they didn't want to be an active part of my life. I wish I could tell my family, but unfortunately, I can't because I need them in my life.

[Bjorn]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I think my parents are going to have a harder time accepting my atheism than my paganism. With paganism is felt like another costume for the same idea. Now that I don't buy any of it I think they worry more.

It's damned annoying but I love the hell out of them.

[Gleb]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Sorry, the one thing that that all boils down to (that I *didn't* mention) - You have the RIGHT to be private about your religion, even if the circumstances under which you live (parents, country, whatever) tells you otherwise. If they press you, you are allowed to lie, because it's under duress. It's the equivalent of signing a confession *before* they start on the second hand, it holds zero implications about your morals or your ethics.

By the end of the next school year, I will have to pass an interview in the army department. On one hand I believe firmly in the "I mustn't lie" purification, on the other hand my parents keep telling me that I must tell the psychologist that I believe in Judaism. I simply can't tolerate saying something like that.
What should I do in this case, then?

[Aurelia]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

By the end of the next school year, I will have to pass an interview in the army department. On one hand I believe firmly in the "I mustn't lie" purification, on the other hand my parents keep telling me that I must tell the psychologist that I believe in Judaism. I simply can't tolerate saying something like that.
What should I do in this case, then?

[Roknrol]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

By the end of the next school year, I will have to pass an interview in the army department. On one hand I believe firmly in the "I mustn't lie" purification, on the other hand my parents keep telling me that I must tell the psychologist that I believe in Judaism. I simply can't tolerate saying something like that.
What should I do in this case, then?

I could have SWORN that I answered this already.

The short version is this: The United States Government is bound by the United States Constitution, which states (as it's first rule) that your right to religion will not be infringed. The Military recognizes Wicca as a legitimate religion and generally is used to encompass most other Pagan religions (I think Norse faiths are considered to be their own as well, but considering the connections to White Supremacy (including in the military) I wouldn't suggest using that.

If they mistreat you because of your religion you can sue them for millions of dollars to start your own church and then you get to live tax free for the rest of your life. Not the worst thing that could happen to you.