My spirit is restless...

[PoisonTears]

hey all, I need to vent, get some things of my chest and draw from others for comfort and support.it's not a good feeling when my spirit is restless. Anxiety, depression, Apprehension. in my current situation in life I am feeling trapped, and my spirit is screaming at me that it needs change, but it's hard to know what to do, how to do it, and in this world where finances rule over what we can do it makes it even harder.
I work 2 jobs. One i could move with me where ever I go. The other..the other is becoming more stressful on my spirit. My boss is pressuring me to work full time for him. Everytime I mention to fact I want to get away for even a vacation he shoots it down and insists that staying locally is what i need to do. basically i get the feeling he is saying" yo uare not allowed to leave this area" and when I first started there in october he would comment on the fact that I was "35 and had done everything already". but thats not the case. I've done alot, but I dont want to settle down here. I'm not happy here. I feel so trapped. my boss isnt a bad guy by any means, he likes to help people as best he can and such, but i cant help but feel like I am being controlled. I HATE that feeling, that why my husband and I split up!
I dont want to hurt the mans feelings, but my spirit has been screaming for me to GET OUT and away. but I dont know where to go! or what to do.
I live in my boyfriends home in a tiny room that he seems to be content to stay in, while I am screaming inside that i need to get away. He loves me, this I know, but its hard that he is so lazy while I work my butt off to exhaustion. I feel like I can't get any support to leave this place.
I'm hurting so much inside and dont know what to do. I want to get away, back to nature or something but I'm scared and I dont have the money to really take any big steps.
Ive been through so many horrible things that i cannot deal with much more, but i need change badly. It doesnt help that I already suffer from depression and its winter time eww.
If you have the time and strength, could you please send some prayers and thoughts my way? I really need encouragement.ty and thanks for letting me rant.

[anunitu]

Re: My spirit is restless...

I do understand your feelings about this,I was very lucky that when I was working it was a job I loved doing. It was very physical,but for me that was a plus,I never had to go to the gym.For what ever reason I liked physical work. My intelligence is and was fairly high. I was always told,you could be an electronic engineer. But,even though I could have made a lot more money going that route,I liked doing the physical much more than sitting at a desk. Perhaps you really need to take the time to consider just what gets your juices flowing. I myself consider having a job you have to force yourself to do, something I would avoid even over the amount of money you make. People die young from working at something they hate doing,Just my take,your mileage may vary.

[Omidottir]

Re: My spirit is restless...

My boss is pressuring me to work full time for him. Everytime I mention to fact I want to get away for even a vacation he shoots it down and insists that staying locally is what i need to do. basically i get the feeling he is saying" yo uare not allowed to leave this area" and when I first started there in october he would comment on the fact that I was "35 and had done everything already". but thats not the case. I've done alot, but I dont want to settle down here. I'm not happy here. I feel so trapped. my boss isnt a bad guy by any means, he likes to help people as best he can and such, but i cant help but feel like I am being controlled. I HATE that feeling, that why my husband and I split up!

Okay, your boss is your boss AT WORK but he is not the boss of your whole life. YOU are the boss of your whole life.

Did you sign on with the understanding that you would eventually work for him full-time? If not, then he can shove it. If he is threatening to fire you for not working full time, or if you take a vacation, then you have a bigger issue. Is this the case? Most employers require a certain amount of notice before you take a vacation, 30 days should be plenty of advance notice. Especially if you are a part-time employee and he doesn't have to worry about vacation pay.

If you left the area permanently, then most likely you would lose your job with this man. Is that acceptable to you? I'm sure at that point you'd be looking for a new gig in your new location. This man cannot MAKE you stay where you are and MAKE you keep this job.

If you don't want to stay, then you can take baby steps to start moving. I'd suggest trying a vacation first and seeing if that changes your perspective.

Also, a friend of mine suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder and has had some success with tanning in the winter time.

Good luck. You can do it.