So, I'm sure everyone here remembers being a wee little pagan lass or lad, so excited about their new spirituality and more than eager to research and read everything they find.
Well, unfortunately, the last three years have definitely had a lot of research- just not a lot of excitement towards paganism.
Basically, I met this girl on an online horse game when I was really young (and about to get confirmed into the catholic church) and -this sounds bad- she was the first 'pagan' I really ever met. She told me all about her Greek reconstructionalist ways and I was fascinated. I did loads of research on this whole spiritual belief system that I had no idea existed and found after a few weeks that I wanted in.
That was three years ago and I'm still not so sure what I believe.
ANYHOW, recently I've gotten back into the neo-pagan thing (I consider myself a hedgewitch, really) and decided it was time to do some soul-searching and meditation as to find my patron diety. Articles upon articles later, I discovered that Apollo and I had loads in common and that I was certain he was my patron deity. (up until then I used Athena as sort of a back-up, go to goddess, which is terrible, I know.)
So i thought really hard on the idea and finally set up a baby ritual to ask Apollo to be my patron and to thank him, etc.
Well, there's isn't too much info online about finding a patron deity, so basically I figured it's up to the person to figure it out themselves.
I must have done something wrong.
The next morning after my dedication ceremony to Apollo, I woke up with a sinus infection. (a bit of a coincidence, don't you think, as Apollo is the god of healing?)
Obviously, I took this as a bad sign but figured it could be his way of testing me, etc. today, I did a ritual to ask for healing from my awful illness (along with prayer and offerings) and when I was done and thanked Apollo, I picked up my little votive candle- only to spill hot wax all over my hand and altar.
So, obviously something is wrong. Is he not actually my patron deity and is trying to inform me if this? It's a bit heartbreaking, really, because he and I have so much and common and upon researching him extensively I felt 'at home.'
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm a total god-newb and sort of just really beginning paganism.
Thanks for your time and blessed be!
-Spitfire
Well, unfortunately, the last three years have definitely had a lot of research- just not a lot of excitement towards paganism.
Basically, I met this girl on an online horse game when I was really young (and about to get confirmed into the catholic church) and -this sounds bad- she was the first 'pagan' I really ever met. She told me all about her Greek reconstructionalist ways and I was fascinated. I did loads of research on this whole spiritual belief system that I had no idea existed and found after a few weeks that I wanted in.
That was three years ago and I'm still not so sure what I believe.
ANYHOW, recently I've gotten back into the neo-pagan thing (I consider myself a hedgewitch, really) and decided it was time to do some soul-searching and meditation as to find my patron diety. Articles upon articles later, I discovered that Apollo and I had loads in common and that I was certain he was my patron deity. (up until then I used Athena as sort of a back-up, go to goddess, which is terrible, I know.)
So i thought really hard on the idea and finally set up a baby ritual to ask Apollo to be my patron and to thank him, etc.
Well, there's isn't too much info online about finding a patron deity, so basically I figured it's up to the person to figure it out themselves.
I must have done something wrong.
The next morning after my dedication ceremony to Apollo, I woke up with a sinus infection. (a bit of a coincidence, don't you think, as Apollo is the god of healing?)
Obviously, I took this as a bad sign but figured it could be his way of testing me, etc. today, I did a ritual to ask for healing from my awful illness (along with prayer and offerings) and when I was done and thanked Apollo, I picked up my little votive candle- only to spill hot wax all over my hand and altar.
So, obviously something is wrong. Is he not actually my patron deity and is trying to inform me if this? It's a bit heartbreaking, really, because he and I have so much and common and upon researching him extensively I felt 'at home.'
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm a total god-newb and sort of just really beginning paganism.
Thanks for your time and blessed be!
-Spitfire
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