Are parents pansies?

[orchestrion]

Re: Are parents pansies?

Can I just ask, what do parents have to do with a derogatory term for a homosexual male?

I think the idea of it referring to a homosexual male is pretty outdated... as a homosexual male. I didn't even realize that was what it meant. Just associated it with "whimpy".

[Peri_Dot]

Re: Are parents pansies?

I think the idea of it referring to a homosexual male is pretty outdated... as a homosexual male. I didn't even realize that was what it meant. Just associated it with "whimpy".

It just seems silly to me. Like when people say "that's so gay" about something bad. Why not just use the word "wimpy"?

[thalassa]

Re: Are parents pansies?

I think the idea of it referring to a homosexual male is pretty outdated... as a homosexual male. I didn't even realize that was what it meant. Just associated it with "whimpy".

Never heard of that either....always thought it had something to do with the flower being sort of crappy at surviving bad weather. Of course, I don't hold it against a word because the use of it changes.

It just seems silly to me. Like when people say "that's so gay" about something bad. Why not just use the word "wimpy"?

As the person that wrote the post...no alliteration.

...gay used to mean happy.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Are parents pansies?

When given the choice between alliteration and no alliteration, always choose alliteration

[Pallas]

Re: Are parents pansies?

There's a simple saying I always repeat to myself when dealing with children. "Always love your child in a way that others can love too."

Why is it when a kid or even pet misbehaves and we say "They're spoiled rotten,"? Because they are spoiled. They're ruined. And now they have an attitude that only their mother can love.

[nbdy]

Re: Are parents pansies?

Two of the most annoying creatures on earth are (1) people who have no children giving parenting advice and (2) first time parents with their first little prince or princess. (1) is annoying because they are theoreticians telling technicians how things OUGHT to work, and (2) is annoying because they are (1)s who are putting all those theories into practice and expect everyone to agree that little Jane or Johnny is the center of existence. Case in point, on a recent visit to the doctor my waiting area was invaded by a beaming pair of (2)s. They trundled in with about 3 bags full of accessories for their little princess and turned half the waiting room into her play area, spreading blankets across two rows of chairs (about 10) and sprinkling these with all the kiddie gizmos darling-angel might require during her 15 minute wait to see the doctor. I sat quietly reading my book telling myself that I would be gone soon. Darling angel was not interested in these things, which distressed the (2)s who then aggressively attempted to engage her with the gizmos, but darling angel preferred exploring outside of the bubble. Unacceptable. Darling angel might touch something yucky. Then the (2)s went farther still by pulling out darling angel's ipad and playing some nauseating kiddie program at a rather loud volume, and in which darling angel was also not interested. One held her while the other shoved the obnoxious educational program in her face, both smiling and gyrating. Idiots. Just clueless idiots. In a few more years darling angel will tell them to shut the f*** up and maybe they'll get a clue.

edit: I am going to leave this, though upon reading it it sounds sort of hateful. The emotion I feel is more exasperation because it does no good to try telling anyone something they believe they already know.

[Lawtan]

Re: Are parents pansies?

My son has autism so he doesn't talk well, stims and has no social skills. He often attempts risky things like running in front of cars and jumping from second story deck or the deep end of the pool. It's a constant battle to find ways of going out and having fun while keeping him safe and not bothering other people. We do leash in big parks and large groups. He also will just run up to people and squeeze them and it can bother people. I have had horrible things said to him and us. I have gotten looks for being too restrictive of him and not letting him go and for not controlling his noisemaking and him having no manners. Sometimes there are reasons for parents behavior, just saying.

Have you tried when he starts acting like that physically grabbing his hand, forcing him to stop, and then walking him around, sort of dog style ("Stop" "Start"/"Walk" "Heel"). Aspies tend to be sensitive to physical touch. Perhaps also either a very active ritual (high emphasis on sensory/relaxation of senses) or karate (Joint compression) or Wilbarger brushing technique (Look it up, highly recomended) - do something to help him get over his cliff - I think that's why he hugs and acts up. The hormones stimulated by the outside world may not be going down as they naturally do with most people, and hugging helps bring it down. Imagine a balloon filling up, and when it pops another just immediately begins again.
Worked for me, then again I'm odd even among the PDD.
Also, for future reference, from what I've seen, the school programs for PDD students are effective like disguising an infected wound with a colorful bandaid - the students tend to be hidden, not helped.

As to parents, each child needs a slightly different kind of treatment. However, extremes are not the answer. Room mate in college had to keep worried calls from home at bay on a daily basis. He also was stoned half the time, and I swear I saw some powdered white crystals...
Whatever is obsessively worried or berated over tends to become a negative self-fulfilling prophecy in the end. The more my helicopter-father wanted me to follow the crowd, the more I became an "antisocial workaholic" anomaly.

Yes, this is from someone who just left the "nest", so take it or leave it.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Are parents pansies?

I think non-parents do kind of matter though...just because someone isn't a parent doesn't mean they aren't affected when your child behaves badly in public. Here it's totally acceptable to nag other people's children when they're being loud, pulling things off shelves, or hanging off things (which is a blessing, because there's a line of parenting here that thinks children should to absolutely whatever they want, and their kids are little terrors).

[thalassa]

Re: Are parents pansies?

I think non-parents do kind of matter though...just because someone isn't a parent doesn't mean they aren't affected when your child behaves badly in public. Here it's totally acceptable to nag other people's children when they're being loud, pulling things off shelves, or hanging off things (which is a blessing, because there's a line of parenting here that thinks children should to absolutely whatever they want, and their kids are little terrors).

How often are you really affected by someone else's kids being "bad"? Other than being annoyed, I mean. I can't remember the last time, I, personally was actually affected by another kid being bad.

On one hand, I agree--CORRECTING a child's misbehavior (especially if a parent is preoccupied with other children, or trying to take care of something else, etc) is one thing...especially if they are likely to get hurt or hurt someone else. Or when they are OBVIOUSLY being a brat and their parents are OBVIOUSLY being negligent. The problem is that it is hard to know when both of those are OBVIOUS.

On the other hand, you (or I) have no idea why that child is misbehaving. And, non-parents usually have this weird idea of what "normal" kid behavior is (teachers, older kids in big families, and people that work with kids regularly being the usual exception). Even normally "good", "well-behaved" kids have valid reasons to be acting out--and usually its NOT because they are a brat, but because they are tired, or hurt, or hungry, or bored. Grown-up world is only exciting to grown-ups...and if we are honest, its usually not even exciting to us. Honestly, I'd be more concerned about kids that never act up--either their parents beat the shit out of them, they drug the crap out of them (hey, that's what parents did in the Victorian era too), or they have something wrong with them.

It wouldn't surprise me if selective memory over time is the more realistic reason that people often think kid behavior is declining. Here's my thing--my kids are not little angels. But I'll be damned if they aren't polite about it. I don't expect that my child behaves perfectly, its like asking the sun to stop being sunny--but they say please, thank you, yes sir and no ma'am, they apologize and clean up their own messes. Other than that, they are kids, and they have the right to be kids...and to be in public being kids.

Except at someone else's house or a store/restaraunt. Because then they are guests of said establishments. And I'll take them out of there.

[Ula]

Re: Are parents pansies?

If non parents can't comment/react to kids they should not be allowed to work in daycare, as pediatricians, as teachers and counselors. Sounds pretty stupid doesn't it? Just cause you don't have kids does not mean you can't comment on kids or even know more than some parents. We request to be put in quiet sections of a resturant when with our son or all the kids. Parents should try to remember non parents and vise versa.

We have our son in a Lovaas school and Easter Seals so yes we do things when he acts up to help him learn and correct the situation. We would be pretty much assholes not to. It still can happen though.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Are parents pansies?

I don't expect children to behave perfectly either. I understand that kids can be loud, and sometimes uncontrollable circumstances can even make them throw the odd tantrum. BUT running around the supermarket or store, screaming and pulling things off shelves, or running around a cafe, screaming, and getting into other peoples' things (one kid even stole my effing fries once while the mom did DICK ALL) while the parent sits there and does nothing about it is NOT ok behaviour. I also understand that having kids is hard, but that also doesn't make it acceptable to mow me down with your stroller, cut off entire aisles of the supermarket while you stand there and chat with your x-large stroller, or other totally selfish public behaviour. When you have kids, you still have to remember that you are in PUBLIC and there are OTHER PEOPLE there, and you should act as so to the best of your abilities, and teach your children to do so as well. Yes, they're not going to be perfect- they're still learning, and any reasonable person will understand that. BUT there is a line.

[Caelia]

Re: Are parents pansies?

I don't expect children to behave perfectly either. I understand that kids can be loud, and sometimes uncontrollable circumstances can even make them throw the odd tantrum. BUT running around the supermarket or store, screaming and pulling things off shelves, or running around a cafe, screaming, and getting into other peoples' things (one kid even stole my effing fries once while the mom did DICK ALL) while the parent sits there and does nothing about it is NOT ok behaviour. I also understand that having kids is hard, but that also doesn't make it acceptable to mow me down with your stroller, cut off entire aisles of the supermarket while you stand there and chat with your x-large stroller, or other totally selfish public behaviour. When you have kids, you still have to remember that you are in PUBLIC and there are OTHER PEOPLE there, and you should act as so to the best of your abilities, and teach your children to do so as well. Yes, they're not going to be perfect- they're still learning, and any reasonable person will understand that. BUT there is a line.

THIS! Seriously, I was in one store where a mother ran me over with her stroller and exclaimed, "Excuse me, someone important coming through!" I made sure she could hear me laughing at her since I couldn't make eye contact, having a face full of the bottom of a stroller and all. This type of behavior from parents is inexcusable and sets a poor example for their own children. Wanna know how all these kids developed an undeserved sense of self-entitlement? I've found the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I think many parents forget that society can only accommodate folks with children to a very small extent. Afterwards parents at some point will have to make an effort to not be jerks and have an undeserved sense of entitlement about it.

Though on a relate note I think some of it has to do with helicopter parenting. There's an article I read about it where some suspect the helicopter parenting phenomenon may stem from a concept called "fantasy bond". It's kind of Freudian and pop psychology, but I think there may be some merit to it. If it's a food the parent doesn't want to eat in some way? Oh look, the kid's allergic / intolerant / etc. Parent wants to draw attention to themselves through their kids? Look, random obscure allergy! In some ways it becomes a Munchausen by proxy thing. Parents tend to get accommodated too if their kid is accommodated.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Are parents pansies?

all the helicoptering doesn't bother me too much, its the ignoring what your kid does that bugs me, or being willing to not care what is safe or sane for your kid, because it is not what your kid wants. You don't mind your kid getting into stuff or playing with everything until he gets hurt, then you want to sue over it... when I have a problem with your kids behavior, it is time for you to have a problem with it too, I take issue with the people that don't like it when I do my job, sorry but I do happen to know what can happen to little fingers when they get caught in stuff... Also this is a hospital, who takes their 3 year old into an inner city hospital and lets it roll around on the floor? If people used their brains I would not have problems with people and their children, and no the security guard cannot watch your rambunctious child while you go upstairs for 3 hours to chat with a sick person, thisng just cannot work that way...

[Pallas]

Re: Are parents pansies?

Two of the most annoying creatures on earth are (1) people who have no children giving parenting advice and (2) first time parents with their first little prince or princess. (1) is annoying because they are theoreticians telling technicians how things OUGHT to work, and (2) is annoying because they are (1)s who are putting all those theories into practice and expect everyone to agree that little Jane or Johnny is the center of existence. Case in point, on a recent visit to the doctor my waiting area was invaded by a beaming pair of (2)s. They trundled in with about 3 bags full of accessories for their little princess and turned half the waiting room into her play area, spreading blankets across two rows of chairs (about 10) and sprinkling these with all the kiddie gizmos darling-angel might require during her 15 minute wait to see the doctor. I sat quietly reading my book telling myself that I would be gone soon. Darling angel was not interested in these things, which distressed the (2)s who then aggressively attempted to engage her with the gizmos, but darling angel preferred exploring outside of the bubble. Unacceptable. Darling angel might touch something yucky. Then the (2)s went farther still by pulling out darling angel's ipad and playing some nauseating kiddie program at a rather loud volume, and in which darling angel was also not interested. One held her while the other shoved the obnoxious educational program in her face, both smiling and gyrating. Idiots. Just clueless idiots. In a few more years darling angel will tell them to shut the f*** up and maybe they'll get a clue.

edit: I am going to leave this, though upon reading it it sounds sort of hateful. The emotion I feel is more exasperation because it does no good to try telling anyone something they believe they already know.

Either it's not hateful or we're both hateful. I totally agree with you and this is just the tip of the iceberg with it.

I can see number one being a peeve, but like others said, I have seen non-parents more wise than parents. (a non-parent telling a parent not to feed their six month old a cupcake is indeed wise. LOL) There is nothing like having the first-hand experience, but you can understand children in theory, just like anything else.

Number two I could write a book on just ranting. On one hand, I want to pity these parents that think everything their child does is precious and perfect, sometimes we're not aware why they act this way. My friend had some trouble conceiving and wanted a baby so desperately, everybody was so happy when she got pregnant. We even humored her when she never stopped talking about it all nine months. By the time that baby was born we thought the storm was over, it was just starting. This girl calls to let you know her baby pooped and she expects everyone to feel just as thrilled about it. Doing this as a parent is cute for a bit but also the fastest way to make everybody around you feel guilty for dreading the topic of what your baby did that day. (Spoiler: it pooped, ate and slept!) Your children are like your religion, fine to be proud of, fine to talk about about, but please don't go shoving it in people's faces so often.

These types of parents tend to turn into the type that allow their children to run rampant in a dr's office. Had that experience the other day, except this mom didn't care when her daughter didn't play with all those toys. She left her kid in the lobby as she ran around destroying property. The mom was the only one to find it precious, to say the least.

[MaskedOne]

Re: Are parents pansies?

If you aren't abusing the kid then generally the specifics of how you raise them aren't my problem. If you harm the kids then child services is grand. There's a caveat here, if your precious little monster threatens people or property that I have responsibility for then you will solve their behaviour problems, you will stand aside so I can solve their behaviour problems or you and your child will remove yourselves from my domain with the understanding that I'm enough of an a** to send you a bill for the retail value of the property that you've permitted them to destroy. I don't care in the slightest if you dislike having other people call your children out on their misbehaviour. You solve your problems before they affect me or I'll solve them for you. You lose all rights to bitch the second that your failure to control your child threatens someone other than you or property that you don't own.