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    Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

    I asked this in another thread, but it dawned on me that it would make a good debate topic all on its own.

    Why do we care what other people look like? How much they weigh? If they wear fashionable clothing? If they are 'attractive'? What drives us to be so judgmental about another person's appearance? Why does it consume so much of our time and energy? Why do we have entire channels programmed around shows about appearance? Magazines? Industries?

    Me, personally, I'm not appearance driven, but it is useful in distinguishing one individual from the rest of them. For one, I'm near-sighted and don't have any depth perception. Everything looks kind of flat to me. I never notice someone's new hair color or style unless it's a drastic change. I watch body language more than facial expressions because it's hard for me to look people directly in the eye (I've got a lazy eye. It wanders, and usually makes me look like I'm looking over someone's shoulder at rapidly approaching doom or something). I don't care about how much other people weigh beyond some vague sort of 'that can't be healthy' agreement when talking about someone who is either anorexic or like, half a ton being pulled out of their home with a backhoe. I'm fat, but I've been skinny, and I don't feel like skinny people or fat people are offensive. They are people who have little or no bearing upon my existence or who are involved in my life, and even if you're involved in my life then I don't care what you look like as long as you don't smell bad & aren't sick with something contagious. To me, variety makes people interesting. If someone has a truly unique feature, I will remember their name more likely than if they don't stick out. I work with a girl who has sort of a frog-like face. She's nice, cute, and I remember her name because I think to myself 'Frog-Face Michelle', differentiating her from 'Supervisor Michelle' and 'Cocktail Waitress Michelle'. If Supervisor Michelle put on a cocktail waitress uniform, I couldn't distinguish her from Cocktail Waitress Michelle. Frog-Face Michelle? I'd totally know her.

    So it's weird to me, the caring if someone else looks a different way. Appearance, to me, isn't that important that I'd waste a huge amount of brain space on it. About the only part of it I 'get' is physical attraction. You can't always determine what you're going to find attractive. I also understand certain features setting off genetic compatibility alarms, indicators of good health, that kind of thing. Those are instincts coming from the alligator brain - I don't get where the judgmental attitudes are coming from.
    The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

    #2
    Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

    Really good point. I don't know the answer. I couldn't give a pair of foetid dingo's kidneys what people look like or their size. I'm sick and tired of people judging on what they think they know just by looking at other people. It's like when people say to me 'But your eyes look perfectly okay' and I ask them how in hell they can tell what's happening when they can't see the retina, optic nerve or blood cells.

    I think it's all a question of trying to feel superior. I worked once in an office where several jibes were made about my weight (and I wasn't really all that overweight then) - none too subtle hints were being made about why I didn't go on a diet and in the end I ask why they didn't take some classes and study a bit.
    'Why should I?' was the reply.
    'Because you're stupid and thick and your stupidity offends me,' I answered.
    That shut things up pretty damn quick. ;-)
    www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


    Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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      #3
      Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

      One of the really good things about working closely with large numbers of people over a fairly long period of time is that it becomes painfully obvious that whatever qualities one decides are "good" or "bad" have very little to do with the way a person looks - unless one is actually judging good and bad based on appearance.

      Yes, some times something like a physical deformity can be startling at first, but once you get to know a person - really know them AS a person - the deformity fades quickly into the background and their actual personal qualities become foremost.

      I don't think I judge people based on looks, at least not for very long. And learning to be "appearance blind" has improved my life, I'd say.
      Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

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        #4
        Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

        I don't care.

        Overall though, I think in countries like here, where we have public health insurance, it's in our best interest to keep people in better health. Having a high obesity rate makes it more expensive for all of us when you're paying public health insurance (or when it comes out of taxes) and all money and costs are pooled together. I DO think the focus should be on health and not stuff like BMI though...some people are technically overweight and perfectly healthy, and that's fine.

        Some people say stuff like "what about smoking, drinking a lot, and workaholics" when stuff like this is mentioned. I want to be clear that I think these are all also big problems (probably even bigger ones than weight), and it's best to reduce their prevalence in society.

        I guess mostly this doesn't really apply to the US, as health care doesn't work the same way there.

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          #5
          Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

          Appearances can be deceiving.

          But it's a fast way to assess, however wrongly, some of the basic needs a person has, when interacting with others. I think there's this carnal, animal-like tendency to be around comfort, safety and beauty, in others. Three traits that are vastly subjective - beauty is in the ye of the beholder, for example. I don't think it's necessarily bad but I think it can be quite harmful and definitely degrading in almost every circumstance.

          The best example I can come up with, for judging someone on appearance, is a police officer. We're taught, and we teach our children, that the police are SAFE. Police are someone to turn to for help. Uniforms are what round that vision out, quickly, and they're easily identifiable.

          Looking for a "mate-for-life" or a "mate-for-right-now" also fits into that, in a sense, for the required familiarity. As well as the self-interest notion of being with someone 'you can look at without grimacing', so to speak.

          Of course, that instant recognition, the appearance-based assumption, regardless of it's circumstances, can be wrong, can be fooled, can be used against someone to belittle or abuse them. Hideous misuse of a need-based appraisal.

          And it's that misuse that, I think it's safe to say, everyone is MOST familiar with. To me, the reason 'why' is simple: humans. Predators, superficial ***ts, liars, manipulators... they've all proven one thing. As a species, we're not as 'advanced' as we like to pretend we are.




          "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." - Ayn Rand

          "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius

          "The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." - Mark Twain

          "The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing." - Johnny Depp


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            #6
            Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

            Oh gosh, I always hated those shows like "What Not to Wear". You can see that the person was happy before this TV crew pulled them aside and started criticizing the way they looked. They appear to be happier after the "transformation", but the truth is, they now have one more thing to worry about in their lives. They will feel like they need to dress normal and be trendy to be accepted. That idea is not okay. So what if she likes to wear a fanny pack? Or wear black lipstick? Or wear sneakers with her skirt? She's happy and comfortable in the way she dresses and looks.

            As far as the way your body and face look, I love diversity. I find "flaws" beautiful because it's who you are. And if you think about it, they really aren't flaws. Flaws are just a concept created by society (that is, as long as it doesn't affect your health). I find guys with big noses attractive. But that's not what most of society finds "beautiful". And I like chubby guys because they're so nice to cuddle, but you're not going to find a chubby guy posing for Calvin Klein. I feel like there needs to be more diversity in modeling and advertisements.

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              #7
              Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

              I think it is easier to claim not to care than to actually not care. How many of us exit our homes without looking in the mirror? Without deciding which cloths to wear? Does anyone simply reach into the closet or drawer blindly and wear whatever they happen to grab? Without at least washing the face? Appearance generally signals something about who you are, whether deceptively or accurately. I think people are more prone to being fashion clones when they are younger because they are not quite certain who they are so they try out different prepackaged styles to explore it. Most seem to find a look and evolve it into something uniquely their own as they mature. Fashion choices can identify membership in a particular group, such as the expensive handbag line that says "I have enough money to be frivolous." It may signify identification with a particular philosophy, like rasta wear. Even some one like me with a wardrobe largely selected for resilience and not giving me a rash is sending a signal -- "I am practical" "I am modest" etc. No guarantees that others will read it that way. It is important to me that I am clean, wouldn't dream of meeting some one for dinner without showering first, so apparently I want to be sure the message "I have good hygiene" is loud and clear. I am digressing. The point is that the way we present ourselves non-verbally is as important as anything we say.

              Consider for a moment the online equivalent -- choosing an avatar. Did any of you not think about it a little bit? Why or why not?

              "No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical." -- Niels Bohr

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                #8
                Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                Actually, I do reach into the wardrobe blindly most of the time. You should see the stuff I wear out.... odd shoes, odd socks (why are they always the purple and tangerine ones, I wonder?)

                I can't tell one item from another, it all looks like porridge. So there's not much point worrying. And because of that I really don't care what other people look like. It's none of my business. There may be all sorts of reasons why they appear the way they do. I'd prefer to get to know them first.

                I use the same picture for my avatar everywhere. It's several years old, but it stays unless I lose the file.
                www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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                  #9
                  Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                  Interesting, this was the phone-in topic on This Morning today. They said that females apparently spend more time checking out other females to see how they compare, than they do males.

                  I guess I do check other women but they invariably always just make me feel worse about myself. I have pretty bad dysmorphia so other women look fine and normal to me. I get overwhelmed sometimes so rarely go out. Everyone has such nice hair, great clothes, look comfortable in their skin.. it doesn't matter that I know that a good number of these girls only look as great as they do because they too feel pressure to be perfect, because lets face it, we don't just judge ourselves apparently.

                  I can't deal with the pressure of knowing that while I feel I'm a weird shape with horrible legs and a vile face and dry dull frizzy hair, other people are looking at me and reassuring themselves that it could be worse, they could look like me. Even more frustrating that they probably think I look kinda chubby, totally unaware of the fact that I actually eat very little and several times a week force myself to throw up. I work out a lot too. For what, to bearly look normal. This is why I stay at home most nights. When I go out I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Even shopping, which I can no longer do alone: I need someone with me now, I feel everyone checking me out, seeing my horrible thighs and feeling better about their own. Well I'm glad I make others happy because I'm kinda dead inside. I freaking hate my body. I hate every last inch of my body and I'm not terribly fond of the personality that rides around in it. It's kinda why my resolution meant so much to me. If I had succeeded, then maybe I'd have had one thing, one feature or at least ability, that I could be proud of. Even then, I just feel that everyone is laughing about me behind my back. Wez is trying to get me to do a mini series with him. His ideas are amazing, but I really don't think I have the mental and emotional fitness to be making videos and speaking Japanese: showing the entire world the two areas I am most paranoid and self-conscious about...

                  So to answer.. I care about other people's appearance because it kills me that I can't be more like them.

                  - - - Updated - - -

                  Just a side note for nbdy: I haven't washed my face for 3 days in a row now. No real reason. I've remembered to brush my teeth so it's not as though I haven't been at the sink. I haven't worn makeup for about a week either. Sometimes I just don't see the point of grooming. I used to believe I'd find beauty in a bottle, but there really isn't a product in the world that could help me look and feel normal.

                  Think I had better go and give my face a scrub then...
                  夕方に急なにわか雨は「夕立」と呼ばれるなら、なぜ朝ににわか雨は「朝立ち」と呼ばれないの? ^^If a sudden rain shower in the evening is referred to as an 'evening stand', then why isn't a shower in the morning called 'morning stand'?

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                    #10
                    Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                    Originally posted by perzephone View Post
                    If they are 'attractive'?
                    That is a question about instinct. Or old instinct and human acting tells us to try to find a mate, so we can get children and keep our species alive. This is only possible if we find someone attractive, which we would like to live together with.

                    This old instinct has (along with the mother-instinct) survived through time, and because it's so important it'll most likely continue to exist.
                    ~ flowers are our only garments
                    only songs make our pain subside ~

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                      #11
                      Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                      Originally posted by nbdy View Post
                      I think it is easier to claim not to care than to actually not care. How many of us exit our homes without looking in the mirror? Without deciding which cloths to wear? Does anyone simply reach into the closet or drawer blindly and wear whatever they happen to grab?
                      I wear a uniform to work (it's miserable, too - whoever picked them out picked cheap, coarse, brown wool suits) :P So yeah, I can get dressed in the dark. Because I wear a uniform to work I don't want to put a lot of fuss into my daily clothing so it's jeans & t-shirts for the most part. I understand wanting to look a certain way for yourself - but every night I listen to people pick one another apart because of their wardrobe or make-up choices, where they shop for their appearance-related choices, how much they spend or don't spend. It's boggling how much time some of my coworkers can devote to just that - how people look. Some drunk guy comes to my window for a room key, I'm not concerned about the cut of his suit, I'm concerned for his safety - will he make it back to his room in one piece, will someone roll him on his side so he doesn't die a rock-star death, will he get rolled if he goes back out instead of going to his room, that kind of thing. Some of my coworkers will actually crane their necks over the desk to check out someone's shoes. It's just weird to me. Their shoes? Seriously?

                      Without at least washing the face?
                      Hygiene's different. While cleanliness does tie in with appearance, it's not really what I'm getting at. 'Beautiful' people can be filthy, 'unattractive' people can have excellent personal hygiene. A lot of women think Brad Pitt is the hotness - to me he just looks dirty & greasy all the time. When he cleans up, he's more attractive than when he's got the scraggly beard and oily hair hanging in his face. My husband feels the same way about Christina Aguilera. He says when he tries to imagine her in bed, he thinks it'd be like rolling around w/a greased pig.
                      The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

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                        #12
                        Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                        I like to look nice for personal reasons. When I look good, I feel good. I feel energetic. I know that most people in the world don't really give a crap about what I look like. They're just going to pass me by without noticing me. And for those who do look at me and judge me, I don't care. I wasn't dressing up for them. Dressing up nice and picking out outfits is kind of like an art form. I feel good when I can scrap up an old skirt from my closet and make it look nice in an outfit. As long as I think the outfit looks good, why should I care about what others think?

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                          #13
                          Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                          Worrying about appearances has never been a big issue to me, I learned when I was very young how absolutely nasty other people can be, about the way you look, whether you can control it or not. I rode a tricycle down the basement stairs when I was too small to remember much about the incident, (no I don't know how I got a tricycle in the house on the second floor in the first place...) So my nose did a whole lean way to the right thing until I was old enough the doctor said it was done growing and I could have it fixed. It impeded breathing so it did actually have to get fixed for more than just asthetic purposes, but it never mattered what I did, whether or not I was "dressing cool" or was smart or anything else, I was the girl with the crooked nose, or witch (ha ha) or as it eventually became, crookey, to my classmates. Of course when I finally got it fixed everyone thought it was because I was teased and was a baby and that resulted in more teasing... I think the point is that appearance is sort of not as important as we think it is, I never could get into a position where I cared too much. yes I will likely notice if you are too large to fit in my bariatric wheelchair, but that is more out of concern for the person than anything else. Trust me I don't care so much what you look like as I do about how you smell.... cause my bloody nose works for the most part! If ya smell like rotten feces, don't be offended if I call for a decon after you leave, to clean up your chair, I'm sorry but bodily fluids are bodily fluids, and if I can small them from my desk something is not ok... Other than that all I really get from appearances around here is whether you are a visitor or you work for a contractor to the hospital...
                          I'm not as skinny as I used to be eigther, I even haveto deal with my mom, (same damn pants size as me!) telling me how fat I am and that I need to go do something about it! So I am fairly over the "OMG that person is sooooo dumb looking in those shoes, they are so last season" crapola. lets see if my 7 year old combat boots fit firmly up your a**.
                          http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

                          But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
                          ~Jim Butcher

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                            #14
                            Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                            I try not to care what people look like and I try not to treat anyone differently because of it.
                            When I start to care, however, is when people are obviously not taking care to have proper hygiene. In this day and age, I feel that there is no reason for a person to smell like body odor all the time, or never brush their teeth, etc. And I'm not talking about homeless people or anyone who lives in poverty. I mean if I meet a normal person, and every time I see them they smell like b.o. ~ this is quite off-putting to me.

                            We live in a society that makes us believe that if we don't look a certain way, we won't be happy or loved or desired. I think it's all crap and I barely watch TV (yet I'm exposed to several "Buy this or you'll feel like crap!" ads every day).
                            I like to look a certain way because it's an expression of who I am, and if other people look different, it has no effect on the way I would treat them.

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                              #15
                              Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

                              I work in a hardware store. I wear a blue work polo shirt and any jeans I want. I go out of my way to put on makeup (though if you've seen me, it always look like I don't have much on) just to show 'HEY THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN YOUR PRESENCE!'. Yeah, that's my real reason. I want to look beautiful.

                              I also work as a waitress on the weekend. And having a good face on with my good service helps me get tips.

                              But...when I am off work? I put on lip balm and hit the door! Of course I'm also covered in tattoos. This is my beauty I get to wear without thinking about it.

                              Out in the real world of day to day no work time? I could just care less.
                              Satan is my spirit animal

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