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Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it :(

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    #31
    Re: Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it

    I understand where you are coming from! My boyfriend and I are so close that he even admits how great it is to feel like we've known each other for ages beyond this. Having a best friend a lover and a soul mate all in one, super awesome!

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    When he first wrote this to her we had only been dating a month, I recently confronted him about this and said "Please, if I still felt this way do think I'd still be here?" So I am glad this is all over with. At the time, as I had mentioned in a previous post my hair had started falling out and it was leaving me...well emotionally unstable. He didn't know at the time that that was what I was so upset about because I was too scared to tell him...but eventually I gave up and told him that that was what all my panic attacks were from. Still, I never feels good to read something negative about yourself but sometimes the truth needs to be heard.

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      #32
      Re: Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it

      I had something like this happen with me and my husband, though he took it a bit far for my taste. We nearly divorced over it. And I wouldn't have minded him talking to her if he wasn't saying the things he was saying.

      I have trust issues with him now, but always before I trusted him to be the man I thought him to be...I was wrong. It seemed like every time he went out with out me, he'd do something stupid.

      HOWEVER, I do not mind my husband talking to females because I know I am beautiful and I am his best friend, lover, and soul mate. He made his mistakes and trust me...he has suffered for it. I am glad you worked it out with your boyfriend and it is true...a man will cheat if he wants to. There is no stopping it. But...remember communication is key. (But don't talk his ear off...they don't like that either. HA!)

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        #33
        Re: Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it

        When my husband and I first started dating, he had a few close female friends, who were married and I thought, much more attractive than me. Then I met them in a group, with their husbands and all, and while the friendship had originally been, my husband and some women, they were all very close friends now, husbands and wives, it took some getting used to, but there is no reason that it can't happen. If you and he are so close there is no reason that you and she would'nt have some sort of common ground, try learning about her, if you and she are friends and he takes her advice it will be positive to you. But at this point in the relationship it is sort of for you to make the best of the situation if you want things to work.
        http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

        But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
        ~Jim Butcher

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          #34
          Re: Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it

          One of the many flaws of being a gemini is seeing both sides of a situation equally and then being unable to decide. I understand his point of not wanting to give up his friend regardless of gender- most of my best friends are male. Although the face book message you came across was a big no no on his part. When you are in a relationship and you see flaws in your partner (I rational or jot) it is only fair you communicate it with them to work on what is bothering you.he can't have it 100%100% his way and nor can you- its just the was it works. If you both can't sit down on all situation and discuss them civilly and comento an agreed compromise then what does your future hold? If you two love each other let that guide you and remind you of what you're willing to do for eachother..with that can trust it can be the bond to accomplish anything, it just takes hard work and sacrifice from the both of you. Blessings and love to you this day and every day

          - - - Updated - - -

          One of the many flaws of being a gemini is seeing both sides of a situation equally and then being unable to decide. I understand his point of not wanting to give up his friend regardless of gender- most of my best friends are male. Although the face book message you came across was a big no no on his part. When you are in a relationship and you see flaws in your partner (I rational or jot) it is only fair you communicate it with them to work on what is bothering you.he can't have it 100%100% his way and nor can you- its just the was it works. If you both can't sit down on all situation and discuss them civilly and comento an agreed compromise then what does your future hold? If you two love each other let that guide you and remind you of what you're willing to do for eachother..with that can trust it can be the bond to accomplish anything, it just takes hard work and sacrifice from the both of you. Blessings and love to you this day and every day

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            #35
            Re: Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it

            I'm not sure if this situation has been resolved yet, but I've been ghosting it for a few days now. I'm not going to tell you what I would do in your situation, because not everyone's personal behaviors and perspective will not work for everyone else.

            Rather, I will tell you what I've seen throughout this thread. You're insecure and jealous. For whatever reason, this is an issue you will need to address whether he is in the wrong or not. That kind of instability only multiplies as time goes on if it's not checked and debunked.

            I think it would have actually been a good idea if you had spent some time with her, you could see how she and your boyfriend interact, and better evaluate the situation. When we are not in direct contact with something we fear or idolize, we tend to exaggerate it beyond reality. Direct contact can completely erase the glamour effect. Consider it an educational situation. Even if you entirely despise the time, and you find that your boyfriend is behaving inappropriately, you will have the hard evidence of it.

            Beyond this, communication is the key to any lasting relationship (friend or otherwise). While it seems that you two are communicating, it also seems that neither of you are communicating everything in full. Possibly because you sense the hostility or upset between each other and don't want to make it worse. If it festers in the darkness, it will only become worse. You need to at least try to lay it all out on the table in a reasonable and respectful way. If you're both serious about the relationship, this shouldn't be too painful.

            But when all is said and done, you really need to take a closer look at yourself, and at your boyfriend, and decide what's important to you and if compromise can be made. It's a decision no one can make for you, and different people will have different tolerances for jealousy and insecurity.

            Personally, my husband and I have a no-ex's policy. But we're both extremely jealous and it's a mutual agreement. :P Other people have absolutely no problem including their ex-partner's in their circle of friends.

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              #36
              Re: Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it

              everyone needs friends, and wether it is he or she , and all friendship between them .
              if you are anxious about his friends, you can have a easy talk with your boyfriends ,
              have a nice day !

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                #37
                Re: Boyfriend's best friend is a women and I don't know how to handle it

                Serene are you and your boyfriend the kind of couple who socialise as a couple (that is you share your friends with each other) or are you the kind of couple where you go out with your mates and he goes out with his? Maybe you'd know if you can trust her (and him with her) or not if you got to know her.

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