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What Not to Say to a Newbie

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    #16
    Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

    Either a bear trap or a ball bat. Your choice.



    I don't have any chalk. Is there something else I can use to draw a circle, or whatever you call it?




    "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." - Ayn Rand

    "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius

    "The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." - Mark Twain

    "The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing." - Johnny Depp


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      #17
      Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

      Originally posted by ChainLightning View Post
      Either a bear trap or a ball bat. Your choice.



      I don't have any chalk. Is there something else I can use to draw a circle, or whatever you call it?


      Its sort of vulgar, so I'll give you a hint: Yellow Snow








      When is the best time to cast a banishment spell?
      Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
      sigpic

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        #18
        Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

        Originally posted by thalassa View Post
        When is the best time to cast a banishment spell?
        Whenever there is a retrograde Blue Moon. And only then. If you try to cast a banishing spell during any other time, it will backfire, horribly. Trust me on this one.


        Is the ouija board really a tool of Satan?
        The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

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          #19
          Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

          yes it is, so beware!

          why do keep looking at the same space of the wall when I'm in my house? Is it hunted?
          ~ flowers are our only garments
          only songs make our pain subside ~

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            #20
            Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

            Originally posted by Sarkana night View Post
            yes it is, so beware!

            why do keep looking at the same space of the wall when I'm in my house? Is it hunted?
            Yes, yes it is. Your third eye is uber strong and it is showing you where a ghosty lives. If you want to talk to it, place your forehead against that very spot and do not move for 24 hours.

            I want to cast a spell on someone who lives on the other side of the country. Do spells travel long-distance?
            Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
            -Erik Erikson

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              #21
              Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

              yes but airfare has gone up since 9/11.

              Is Hastur a safe name to conjure with?
              life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

              Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

              "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

              John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

              "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

              Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


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                #22
                Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                Last I checked, Hastur wasn't The Morrigan, and everyone knows that the ancient Celtic roots of Wicca only allow you to worship or conjure with The Morrigan.

                Help! I need to pass this test tomorrow! Any spells, please?
                "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." - Khalil Gibran

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                  #23
                  Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                  Originally posted by Simon Slade View Post
                  Help! I need to pass this test tomorrow! Any spells, please?
                  A) Get a copy of the test and write all the answers in order on your chest, then burn them.


                  Q) I can't seem to be able to commune with the animals in the forest. Do you know why they aren't talking to me?
                  http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

                  But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
                  ~Jim Butcher

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                    #24
                    Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                    Originally posted by Maria de Luna View Post
                    Q) I can't seem to be able to commune with the animals in the forest. Do you know why they aren't talking to me?
                    Clearly you've been cursed. Kill a stag and drain its blood upon an altar in the forest, then burn the carcass upon that altar, all the while reciting the Charge of the Horned God.

                    I've been trying to perform the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, but when I draw the pentagrams no blue flames come out of my athame. What am I doing wrong?
                    Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
                    -Erik Erikson

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                      #25
                      Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                      Originally posted by Clive View Post
                      Clearly you've been cursed. Kill a stag and drain its blood upon an altar in the forest, then burn the carcass upon that altar, all the while reciting the Charge of the Horned God.

                      I've been trying to perform the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, but when I draw the pentagrams no blue flames come out of my athame. What am I doing wrong?
                      It's probably out of butane. You can light up a stream of hairspray in a pinch.

                      I've washed my hands in a clear running spring water, in the light of the full moon, but I still have warts like a toad. Help!
                      Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

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                        #26
                        Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                        Originally posted by B. de Corbin View Post
                        It's probably out of butane. You can light up a stream of hairspray in a pinch.

                        I've washed my hands in a clear running spring water, in the light of the full moon, but I still have warts like a toad. Help!
                        You probably ARE a toad, or at least in the early stages of transformation. The only cure now is a kiss from a princess. We have one. She has suntanned boobs and good dress sense. Feel free to visit.

                        How do I know if I have fairy blood?
                        夕方に急なにわか雨は｢夕立」と呼ばれるなら、なぜ朝ににわか雨は｢朝立ち」と呼ばれないの？ ＾＾If a sudden rain shower in the evening is referred to as an 'evening stand', then why isn't a shower in the morning called 'morning stand'?

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                          #27
                          Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                          your body will slowly find out, and when that time comes, magical wings will start to grow off your back. but if your wings don't grow, it means that you have blood from a cursed fairy.

                          i try to make a love spell by hanging a magical item in the garden of who i want to spell. but it does not work! what am i doing wrong??
                          ~ flowers are our only garments
                          only songs make our pain subside ~

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                            #28
                            Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                            Originally posted by Sarkana night View Post
                            your body will slowly find out, and when that time comes, magical wings will start to grow off your back. but if your wings don't grow, it means that you have blood from a cursed fairy.

                            i try to make a love spell by hanging a magical item in the garden of who i want to spell. but it does not work! what am i doing wrong??
                            The magical item that should be hanging about the garden is YOU, preferably naked. Try that, and let me know how it goes.


                            I'm looking for a copy of The Necronomicon, preferably the edition bound in human skin. Can I get it from Amazon?
                            Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

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                              #29
                              Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                              The ones available on amazon are all fakes. However, there is a coven in Austin, Texas with a secret library. I've heard they have a copy of the real one. However, you must join their black magick coven in order to have access to it. (I've actually used this and a coven in Austin I know of started getting emails. lol)

                              I've heard that shape-shifting will help me accomplishment my dream of becoming a mermaid, but how do I do it?

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                                #30
                                Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                                Originally posted by GypsySeaWitch View Post
                                I've heard that shape-shifting will help me accomplishment my dream of becoming a mermaid, but how do I do it?
                                Simple. Catch a large pike, cut off its head and pull its body over your legs. Just be sure to sacrifice a bull to Poseidon first.

                                I got a Tarot deck and the first card I pulled out was Death. Am I gonna die??
                                Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
                                -Erik Erikson

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