The internet is being unhelpful right now, and quite frankly, the idea of getting on a mothering forum makes me want to hurt someone.
As some of you know, I'm pretty sure I have issues with anxiety. I think I have since I was a kid. For that matter...I think my mother does, too. Part of why she homeschooled me and my siblings was because she hit a point where she hated to leave the house most days. By the time I was 8 or 9 if a phone call had to happen, I was the one who had to make it about 75% of the time. I'm hitting a point, seeing my daughter at this age, where I'm seriously starting to question whether my mother and I set off each other's anxiety issues, and that was why there was extreme yelling most of my childhood. In any case, I think the way my mom dealt with me made it much worse for me then it otherwise would have been.
I've been trying to do things differently with my daughter...I've been trying really hard, and there are some days when it's easier then others, especially if she really pushes my buttons, or I am already having a very anxiety-prone day (heart racing about leaving the house, or numb and crying because I had to deal with someone, or needing to pull over to the side of the road mid-drive). I try to hug her and support her, be consistent, and listen to her. She's a lot like me as a kid, though. Ever since she was a baby she's been very high-strung. Whatever emotions she's having are very strong and right at the surface...it can be exhausting to deal with.
She was getting bullied in school, and so I pulled her out. So far the homeschooling is going well, but she misses having other kids to play with every day...even though she was getting picked on to the point that she was wetting her pants at school (1st grade), or going and lying face down until someone got her at the end of recess(her teacher's response was to punish her). She is engaged, and she's smart--I think she was acting up out of boredom.
If she doesn't want to do something, though, it's impossible. I'm willing to work around a lot, wait until she wants to do something, or find a more attractive way to go about it (or rewards, I'm fine with those! we have a cool ticket system we've started doing at it works great). Some things, though, I put my foot down on, like cleaning up her own toys. She needs the responsibility lesson. Lately, when we get to things like picking up toys, she will start to hit and slap herself, and I am beside myself. I don't know what to do about it! She didn't do it when younger--I think she did it once or twice for attention as a toddler, and I didn't react, so she never did it again. I am really not proud of myself right now: earlier this week, she did it again and I spanked her. Great logic there, mom...
I turned to the internet, and everything is about scary shit like autism spectrum disorders(or the sort of people who see anything wrong and immediately assume a kid's been abused), but I don't see that in her. Given me as a kid, and her as a 6 year old, I could potentially see ADHD or anxiety, but I'm finding little about either that is useful, and I as nervous as I am about seeing a doctor for me, the idea of going and having a doctor put pressure on me to medicate a tiny kid puts me through the roof. I remember being that age, and having the emotions get so HUGE sometimes, it felt like I'd explode...by the time I was 12 I started binge eating, and it turned into bulimia. I had friends who had similar problems and self-harmed.
Can anyone think of something I'm missing here? A possible blind spot? Ideas? It makes me ill to see her and worry that she'll turn to more serious self harm when she gets bigger unless I find a way to help her.
As some of you know, I'm pretty sure I have issues with anxiety. I think I have since I was a kid. For that matter...I think my mother does, too. Part of why she homeschooled me and my siblings was because she hit a point where she hated to leave the house most days. By the time I was 8 or 9 if a phone call had to happen, I was the one who had to make it about 75% of the time. I'm hitting a point, seeing my daughter at this age, where I'm seriously starting to question whether my mother and I set off each other's anxiety issues, and that was why there was extreme yelling most of my childhood. In any case, I think the way my mom dealt with me made it much worse for me then it otherwise would have been.
I've been trying to do things differently with my daughter...I've been trying really hard, and there are some days when it's easier then others, especially if she really pushes my buttons, or I am already having a very anxiety-prone day (heart racing about leaving the house, or numb and crying because I had to deal with someone, or needing to pull over to the side of the road mid-drive). I try to hug her and support her, be consistent, and listen to her. She's a lot like me as a kid, though. Ever since she was a baby she's been very high-strung. Whatever emotions she's having are very strong and right at the surface...it can be exhausting to deal with.
She was getting bullied in school, and so I pulled her out. So far the homeschooling is going well, but she misses having other kids to play with every day...even though she was getting picked on to the point that she was wetting her pants at school (1st grade), or going and lying face down until someone got her at the end of recess(her teacher's response was to punish her). She is engaged, and she's smart--I think she was acting up out of boredom.
If she doesn't want to do something, though, it's impossible. I'm willing to work around a lot, wait until she wants to do something, or find a more attractive way to go about it (or rewards, I'm fine with those! we have a cool ticket system we've started doing at it works great). Some things, though, I put my foot down on, like cleaning up her own toys. She needs the responsibility lesson. Lately, when we get to things like picking up toys, she will start to hit and slap herself, and I am beside myself. I don't know what to do about it! She didn't do it when younger--I think she did it once or twice for attention as a toddler, and I didn't react, so she never did it again. I am really not proud of myself right now: earlier this week, she did it again and I spanked her. Great logic there, mom...
I turned to the internet, and everything is about scary shit like autism spectrum disorders(or the sort of people who see anything wrong and immediately assume a kid's been abused), but I don't see that in her. Given me as a kid, and her as a 6 year old, I could potentially see ADHD or anxiety, but I'm finding little about either that is useful, and I as nervous as I am about seeing a doctor for me, the idea of going and having a doctor put pressure on me to medicate a tiny kid puts me through the roof. I remember being that age, and having the emotions get so HUGE sometimes, it felt like I'd explode...by the time I was 12 I started binge eating, and it turned into bulimia. I had friends who had similar problems and self-harmed.
Can anyone think of something I'm missing here? A possible blind spot? Ideas? It makes me ill to see her and worry that she'll turn to more serious self harm when she gets bigger unless I find a way to help her.
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