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    Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

    My husband and I have been together for four years. I was a christian for three of those years. Just recently I've started dabbling in wicca and fell in love. My husband thinks the stuff is creepy and especially since I'm pregnant he doesn't want me practising spells, rituals, chants, pretty much anything that has to do with wicca.
    Last night I decided to cast my first spell while he was out on a business trip and my daughter was over at my in-laws house. It felt incredible to finally experience it (yes, I have an alter that I put inside of a box - hubby doesn't like that either. He gives my candles funny looks). As much as I enjoyed the experience, I feel guilty and am wondering: How do you cope with significant others not agreeing with your religion? Did you become a closet-practitioner?

    #2
    Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

    I honestly do not know how I would cope with that situation, my husband, while not religious himself, has no problems with my religion or spiritual choices. I do not know that without that acceptance I would have been able to cope with the relationship. I imagine it will be difficult, but you both need to be honest with each other, lying about something he doesnt like is not going to strengthen your relationship. If you are both open and trying to work together to be happy, then this could totally work, if one of you is closed and unaccepting of the other, you may have some difficult decisions ahead. Yes being a closet practitioner is an option, but hiding yourself from you entire family, children and all, will be painful.
    http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

    But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
    ~Jim Butcher

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      #3
      Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

      There's no hard rule here - there is no sure "right" way to go about this kind of thing. I think it depends on how well you could cope with working and worshiping in secret, if the disapproval and shame your husband shows toward your beliefs is something you think will last or not, and how much you love him. There are so many factors involved. It's a very personal decision.

      I'm a Pagan to anyone and everyone - I've never even considered hiding that part of who I am because it's such a large part of my life. Family, friends, and strangers all know that my religion is very close to my heart. If my family disowned me, so be it. If my husband converted to a different religion that did not welcome my faith and he asked me to choose between him and my religion, well, if there was just no other way, he and I had some good times.

      BUT

      if something happened that meant my children could be taken away from me because someone didn't like my religious path, I would immediately be willing to sacrifice my beliefs and practices, at least in public. I would go to church every Sunday. I would be baptized. Regardless of what it meant I would have to do - even if it meant worshiping Dionysos only in my heart - I would do it if it meant making sure it wouldn't cost me my children.

      Everyone has a different answer to how attached they are to their religion and what - or who - they are willing to give up in this kind of situation.

      Some important questions to ask, though:

      Does he think or hope this is just a phase to wait out?
      Is he going to take your faith seriously once he realizes it isn't?
      Do you think there is a chance it IS a phase?
      Could you be happy if you must worship alone, and without his support?
      Will you be happy with a man who would make you hide your faith in the first place?

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        #4
        Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

        Welcome to the forum, by the way.

        My husband doesn't have a problem with it, but it was something I brought up to him before we ever became anything serious that he would have to respect in the long-term. He's not particularly paganesque himself, but his culture does have very strong leanings towards the older traditions anyway.

        I have in the past had a partner that, whenever prompted, say "I believe that you believe it." -.- Not a cool sentence guys. That relationship didn't pan out for several reasons, but my practice wasn't one of them. What that really boiled down to was that if I had to put up with and respect the dumb things he did on a regular basis, then he could put up with and respect what I did. I never had to hide it, but I did choose to save my more important workings for times when I could be alone (like I still do, even though hubster is supportive and understands).

        It might do some good to look into how some of the practices you're interested in fit into pre-established traditions that both of you are familiar with (easter eggs on easter/ostara, etc...). And maybe explain the lore for it.

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          #5
          Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

          Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to reply to my thread.

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            #6
            Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

            I hope we helped!

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              #7
              Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

              Originally posted by Raphaeline View Post
              Does he think or hope this is just a phase to wait out?
              Is he going to take your faith seriously once he realizes it isn't?
              Do you think there is a chance it IS a phase?
              Could you be happy if you must worship alone, and without his support?
              Will you be happy with a man who would make you hide your faith in the first place?
              Welcome to PF.

              You'll definitely want to find the answers to these questions. I cannot say that I've been in your situation before - all of my partners have either been atheist or understanding Christians. However, I've been a Pagan since before I was old enough to have a serious relationship, and it's a pretty big part of me that I could never let anyone take away or suppress.

              Explain things to your husband, and show him. Tell him your feelings, about why you decided to explore and what Wicca means to you. Let him see with his own eyes that Wicca isn't satanic or evil. Keep in mind that one of the things Wicca teaches is equality, both among the sexes and between religions.
              Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
              -Erik Erikson

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                #8
                Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                Hi!
                I had dealt with an issue like this before with a guy I had been with for over 2 years. It didn't blow over well because of outside influences (his pastor), but in the long run the best way I find to ease the tension is to educate him. Explain to him what you do, what you believe, how it benefits and relates to you, etc. Like Clive said, let him see with his own eyes that Wicca is not an evil practice. While he may not agree with it or practice it himself, he could at least reach a better level of understanding and respect.

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                  #9
                  Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                  I've been pagan for many years and therefore I like to stick with pagan men. It keeps me from dealing with that type of issue, however, you aren't so lucky there. But in time most people just get used to you practicing Wicca. It will take time and some education on their part. Do not force them to learn about it or tell them to just accept it. Be respectful and honest. I also recommend you buy a copy of "When someone you love is Wiccan" by Carl McColman. It is what my mother used to get answers to her questions about my faith and it worked very well. It is a easy to read book on dealing with what Wicca is and what to expect from those who practice. Good luck!

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                    #10
                    Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                    I can't imagine ever being in that situation! It sounds like you've fallen head over heels in love with wicca, and you sound a natural! I can only suggest offering education, he's probably anxious as it is unknown to him.
                    Best of luck, do keep us updated!

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                      #11
                      Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                      I'm so sorry. I would be heartbroken if James couldn't accept that I'm Wiccan.

                      Keep in mind that working spells is not all there is to Wicca. Get him outside. Go to a place that you feel connected. Watch the sunrise/sunset or go look at the stars with him. Explain to him that THIS is what Wicca is about.

                      I hope that's helpful. Good luck.

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                        #12
                        Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                        My girlfriend is a liberal Christian, and she knows I'm pagan. But as we don't live together, I practice my pagan religion by myself. For sabbats I just tell her it's X pagan holliday, and I need to celebrate/mark it. She accepts it, and it's not a problem.
                        My blog
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                          #13
                          Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                          I'm so sorry. I would be heartbroken if James couldn't accept that I'm Wiccan.

                          Keep in mind that working spells is not all there is to Wicca. Get him outside. Go to a place that you feel connected. Watch the sunrise/sunset or go look at the stars with him. Explain to him that THIS is what Wicca is about.

                          I hope that's helpful. Good luck.
                          ^This is really wonderful advice.
                          hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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                            #14
                            Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                            Great advice Nera, it's prob best to promote the religious side more than the magick side.

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                              #15
                              Re: Significant Other Doesn't Agree with Craft

                              Keep in mind that working spells is not all there is to Wicca. Get him outside. Go to a place that you feel connected. Watch the sunrise/sunset or go look at the stars with him. Explain to him that THIS is what Wicca is about.
                              I second this as well. It's very true, and a great advice.
                              My blog
                              On Instagram
                              On Witches' Voice

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