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    #16
    Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

    So, question time again.

    My girlfriend will be coming up to my hometown to visit me, and she'll also be meeting my parents for the first time. They don't know she is a Pagan. She is open about her faith now, and if my Dad looks at my facebook at all recently he'll see pictures of her wearing a pentagram necklace hanging out with me with my crucifix pendant.

    I don't think it will be an issue, but I'm still nervous about telling them. My sister is married to a Hindu, and it was never an issue, so my folks are generally understanding people. I guess I still feel like maybe they should get to meet her the person first before mentioning her religious beliefs, since I'm nervous since her own parents have been so ridiculously non-understanding about her beliefs, and my own parents are still kind of dissapointed my previous girlfriend and I didn't get married (they really liked her) (also, long story) so I just really want them to accept her. If they don't, that's their problem, but I would greatly prefer everyone getting along :P.

    So, anyways, do you guys have any advice on this? I'd appreciate any you can give.
    hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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      #17
      Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

      I’m late in coming in but as my husband is/was Lutheran (now leaning towards Taoism) and I’ve been pagan since we met I might have a few pointers worth mentioning

      As everyone else has said: Good job so far! As for holidays and gifts and what not, there are a multitude of holidays that Christians and Pagans share, some people like to get into who stole who’s holiday but really that’s all pointless. holidays are days to celebrate, so I suggest taking the time to celebrate together, maybe spend the day exchanging stories about why the holiday is important/sacred/awesome and even exchanging small gifts that are significant to that holiday.

      As for your current dilemma… step one, ask her if she wants you to tell them ahead of time or not. Religion is personal and it’s usually better if the person tells themselves if they are conferrable doing so. Step two, if she doesn’t care one way or the other, or would rather you not for one reason or another then just don’t bring it up. Again Religion is personal, if it comes up in conversation then cool but if not oh well, it will come up eventually the longer you stay together.

      Hope this helps, just remember communication is the key to everything, if you don’t communicate misunderstandings and assumptions will move in to fill the empty space.
      I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
      because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
      I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
      for a might have-been has never been,
      but a has was once an are.

      -Milton Berle-

      Comment


        #18
        Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

        ya know your the first christian ive seen in a long time that im not either hating (because hes trying to preach) or afraid of (because he may think negatively). Yur doin a great job, just don't let her feel that youve lost interest in her at any time. Keep asking questions, keep being open, and defend her when people are mean to her
        People are meant to be loved,
        And things are meant to be used.
        The reason the world is chaos is because
        People are being used and things are being loved.

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          #19
          Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

          Originally posted by Shawn Cameron View Post
          As for your current dilemma… step one, ask her if she wants you to tell them ahead of time or not. Religion is personal and it’s usually better if the person tells themselves if they are conferrable doing so. Step two, if she doesn’t care one way or the other, or would rather you not for one reason or another then just don’t bring it up. Again Religion is personal, if it comes up in conversation then cool but if not oh well, it will come up eventually the longer you stay together.
          This. It can be a scary thing to meet the parents the first time all by itself. (My first time meeting my in-laws was a large discussion about how I'd be better off without all my piercings and strange hair). So it's really up to her if she wants to include the whole different beliefs thing in the introduction or wait for a later date. Play it casual, because while it -is- a big deal on some levels (beliefs are important to us as human beings) it really isn't a huge deal on others (we believe different things? That's the spice of life right there.) By staying casual you'll help keep the energy in a more friendly tone that will help dampen any negative reactions.
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            #20
            Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

            Our Easter/Ostara celebration went really great, we had a picnic with some friends and we all took turns praying in our own way to whatever God, Gods, Goddess, or Goddesses we wanted. It was very cool. Not to mention I got to show off my mad baking skills. I'm really looking forward to the next one we get to celebrate together (possibly Beltane, thought that has no equivalent for me).

            Yeah, I'll definitely ask her opinion on that. That's really obvious and I should have just done that to begin with X_X.... And I just asked her and we had a nice discussion about how tolerant my parents are . Okay well, that went well. Coolness. She told me to go ahead and tell them if it comes up.

            Yeah, I figure meeting my folks will be weird for her, because it usually is. I'm hoping the mutual love of Doctor Who, Star Trek, and Sherlock will make starting conversations a lot easier at least.

            I won't stop defending her, definitely, nor lose interest. I've known her and cared about her for a long time (years), and vice versa, though we only recently got together legitimately.

            Nordic Druid: Thank you. I'm honored to hear you say that. I'm frankly pretty ashamed of a lot of Christianity, as so often we don't live up to the understanding loving religion we're supposed to be in concept :/ ... Ironically one of the reasons I fell for this Pagan girl was how understanding and compassionate she was. I thought she was living up to all the Christian standards. Then I found out she was Pagan XD. It was awesomely hilarious. I'm sorry you have had so many bad experiences with Christians, but I can't say I blame you. I've been told I'm going to hell, and I believe in Jesus and Yahweh sooooo... We've set our bar pretty low at this point.

            Shawn Cameron- Its very encouraging to hear other people have made this work ^_^.
            hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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              #21
              Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

              I'm glad things are working out between the two of you. Not to get all ABC After School Special on you, but it's a beautiful thing when people can put aside their differences and learn to love each other for their common humanity (and love of Doctor Who).
              Gives me heart to see tolerant, open minded Christians like you.

              Comment


                #22
                Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                Originally posted by Malflick View Post
                Our Easter/Ostara celebration went really great, we had a picnic with some friends and we all took turns praying in our own way to whatever God, Gods, Goddess, or Goddesses we wanted. It was very cool. Not to mention I got to show off my mad baking skills. I'm really looking forward to the next one we get to celebrate together (possibly Beltane, thought that has no equivalent for me).
                I'm so glad to hear your Holiday went well! it gives me hope that you have made that work ^.^ My husband and I have tried but it only seems to work 50% of the time... not because of any differences so much as, time, cash flow, and a basic disconnect from holidays. We both miss the fun we had at holidays as kids but we haven't really been able to recreate it in practice most of the time (though we talk about it all of the time).
                I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
                because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
                I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
                for a might have-been has never been,
                but a has was once an are.

                -Milton Berle-

                Comment


                  #23
                  Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                  Beltane falls the day after the day we'll have been 'officially' together for a month. *grumbles about work schedules* I wish I had work off then and could drive down to see her. Alas.

                  Anyways, she's still coming up to visit soon ^_^. Yays.

                  She gave me a book to read btw, "the Firebrand". It has a lot of stuff about Apollo and the Earth Mother in it. And its a good read to boot!

                  I'm very glad I'm warming so many people's hearts here. I really don't feel like I'm doing too much special, just treating her like a human being I care about, but I suppose that is often rare...

                  PS: I'll just tack this on here, cause why not? I found a list of traits I wanted in my ideal woman I wrote out with my best friend a long time ago. On there was "Christian". So, just saying, our own expectations of what we want, or need, or what will make us happy are often complete BS. I'm happier right now then I was with any of my Christian Girlfriends I've ever had. So, there is my daily dose of life insight: don't listen to stupid lists.
                  hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                    Originally posted by Malflick View Post
                    Beltane falls the day after the day we'll have been 'officially' together for a month. *grumbles about work schedules* I wish I had work off then and could drive down to see her. Alas.

                    Anyways, she's still coming up to visit soon ^_^. Yays.

                    She gave me a book to read btw, "the Firebrand". It has a lot of stuff about Apollo and the Earth Mother in it. And its a good read to boot!

                    I'm very glad I'm warming so many people's hearts here. I really don't feel like I'm doing too much special, just treating her like a human being I care about, but I suppose that is often rare...

                    PS: I'll just tack this on here, cause why not? I found a list of traits I wanted in my ideal woman I wrote out with my best friend a long time ago. On there was "Christian". So, just saying, our own expectations of what we want, or need, or what will make us happy are often complete BS. I'm happier right now then I was with any of my Christian Girlfriends I've ever had. So, there is my daily dose of life insight: don't listen to stupid lists.
                    I haven’t read that book, I might have to put it on my list but Apollo and his family was never really up my personal ally.

                    It is so very warm because it is sadly rare even without religious differences, so when you see it with that difference its even more warm and fuzzy. (also talking TO someone rather then reading ABOUT someone makes it feel that much more real and gives me some hope for humanity).

                    Oh if we only knew then what we know now… *head shake* I’m always amazed when I find things like that… like I was looking threw my old journals that had all kinds of things written in them that just makes me shake my head and laugh at my younger self.

                    Also I was wondering… what dose your girlfriend think of you on this forum? I wonder if she might be interested in talking with us at all, the more the merrier right!
                    I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
                    because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
                    I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
                    for a might have-been has never been,
                    but a has was once an are.

                    -Milton Berle-

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                      Apollo being her cup of tea, I smirked when I saw how much he featured in the book. Clever girl.

                      I'm not sure if the story of how we ended up finally getting together would add to the warm feelings or be slightly depressing, but if you want to hear it will at least give you a modicum of hope for humanity I think.

                      I told her I joined a Pagan Forum called Pagan Forum to try to help me understand her beliefs. She seemed to think it was sweet of me, she is signed up on a different Pagan Forum "Noble Pagan Forum" I believe. If I'd signed up there she might have read all my flailing posts XD. Though since she knows I post here she can read them anytime. Maybe she'll drop in some time, who know ^_^. I can always ask :P.
                      hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                        I figured I'd update people:

                        Her meeting my parents went wunderbar. She visited with her roommate, who is a lesbian, and we all went to a Christian church that supported equal rights together (I quadruple checked that was okay with my girlfriend, her roommate really wanted to go) and we all had a pretty great time.

                        Anyways, things are good.

                        I drew her a happy Beltane picture, and the following conversation happened which I think proves she is a keeper and things are going to be okay:
                        "I mean, I drew you a happy Beltane picture. Worst Christian ever!"
                        "Aren't you guys supposed to love everyone? So actually, you're doing the best job."
                        Kissing may have followed.

                        Anyways, if you guys have more advice or if anything else comes up, then this thread will continue, but I think we're going to be good !
                        hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                          Sounds like its going to be great! I'm so happy to hear it, thanks for the update. nothing particular is coming to mind that you might want to know but as usual questions are always welcome.
                          I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
                          because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
                          I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
                          for a might have-been has never been,
                          but a has was once an are.

                          -Milton Berle-

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                            Originally posted by Malflick View Post
                            I figured I'd update people:

                            Her meeting my parents went wunderbar. She visited with her roommate, who is a lesbian, and we all went to a Christian church that supported equal rights together (I quadruple checked that was okay with my girlfriend, her roommate really wanted to go) and we all had a pretty great time.

                            Anyways, things are good.

                            I drew her a happy Beltane picture, and the following conversation happened which I think proves she is a keeper and things are going to be okay:
                            "I mean, I drew you a happy Beltane picture. Worst Christian ever!"
                            "Aren't you guys supposed to love everyone? So actually, you're doing the best job."
                            Kissing may have followed.

                            Anyways, if you guys have more advice or if anything else comes up, then this thread will continue, but I think we're going to be good !
                            Awesome Glad things are working out for you two despite your spiritual differences.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                              Awesome, glad to hear it's working out so well! Do keep us updated!

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

                                Originally posted by Malflick View Post
                                So, long story short, I'm a Christian guy who has fallen in love with a Pagan girl.
                                She recently "came out of the broom-closet" to me, and I think she was afraid I'd just... Reject her instantly or try to convert her or something, and seemed pleasantly surprised I thought her beliefs were kind of cool. I've been talking to her a lot about them, and doing some research to try to understand them myself. She's been really open about things, its been cool and I've learned a lot. However, her family doesn't accept her beliefs, and she's had some problems with people mistreating her, judging her, trying to convert her, and generally just being jerks to her.
                                I have no interest in converting her, or in converting myself. If she didn't believe what she does, she wouldn't be the person I've fallen for, nor her for me (well, at least I hope :P ).

                                Basically, what can I do to make sure she feels comfortable with me religiously? I want her to know I accept her for who she is.
                                Is there anything I should make sure I avoid doing that would be unintentionally offensive to her?
                                I've been thinking of getting her something nice for an appropriate Pagan holiday she celebrates. Or something related to her beliefs just for, you know, for whenever. Would that be okay?

                                I could gush with the gooey spiels about how I've never met anyone like her, and how ridiculously happy we are when we're together, or how smart, clever, and beautiful she is, but I'll refrain. I've never fallen for a non-Christian before, and never fallen for anyone like this, so I really don't want to screw this up by accidentally doing something stupid.

                                Thank you for any advice or comments ^_^.
                                Everyone's different, but the last time i dated a Christian girl what made me so comfortable around her was that while she didn't believe what I believe she still thought it was cool to the point where she enjoyed alot of pagan music and loved movies and videogames like skyrim/lord of the rings and understood the connection between those stories and pagan mythology.

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