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    Practicing while living with someone

    As I've posted about a few times, I recently moved in with my boyfriend. We have our ups and downs, but things are coming together slowly. However, one thing I'm finding is that I feel really weird doing anything "pagan" related. Prayers, rituals, spells, tarot, etc...can't seem to do it. It's not that he's unsupportive, because he doesn't mind. He is an atheist, but he accepts my beliefs. I think it's just that I lived alone for most of my adult life, and I'm used to having my space and quiet, and I feel weird with someone else being there. Anyone else encountered this? How can I move forward?

    #2
    Re: Practicing while living with someone

    maybe you could make your area in the house were you do it, an off liimits zone if he never enters there maybe that will make you feel more comfortable?

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      #3
      Re: Practicing while living with someone

      I remember in my last relationship i use to feel uncomfortable doing anything 'pagan' related around my boyfriend too, although that was a problem because we also lived together. i simply had my own space, did my things when he wasnt around...or practiced outdoors, where i knew i would be undisturbed...

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        #4
        Re: Practicing while living with someone

        I guess it's also tough, because I usually practiced in the sunroom upstairs beside the balcony, and right now that's full of boxes. We only have three rooms in the house (a bedroom, the living room, and a sun room) other than the kitchen and bathroom, and we share everything. We kind of tried to make out our own individual spaces, but the apartment is just too small. Moving isn't an option, because I own the place, and anything larger is unrealistically expensive for us. I guess once all the boxes are cleared from upstairs and I get used to the change in space, I can try again?

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          #5
          Re: Practicing while living with someone

          maybe you could move the boxes around to make yourself and wall a private little area to practise within

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            #6
            Re: Practicing while living with someone

            Have you tried waiting until he isn't home? Or, what about practicing ON the balcony now? It should be getting warm enough for it.


            Mostly art.

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              #7
              Re: Practicing while living with someone

              I know how you feel, DanieMarie. I don't live with a significant other but I have 3 male roommates, all of whom are predominantly atheist/apathetic. It's not like I MIND them around, I just want a space without them in it for a while.

              You're a solitary, right? It makes sense that this is causing some waves for you.

              I'd say that if privacy is that important to you, you should do a couple of things to incorporate compromise (for your growth) and tradition (for your sanity ).

              1. Make a private space for your altar / make another altar somewhere else that is more sacred/alone
              2. Wake up early / modify your schedule just a little bit / add a new routine somewhere

              And then, for the tradition part... I say just to do it. Pray right there in front of him. Read the tarot wherever you want. Set reminders around your house in a few places (don't take over the joint since he lives there too).

              He might think it's weird but it's not. He should get to see you, the real you, the glowing light inside that loves her path and deserves the chance to walk it proudly. Share yourself with him, and if he doesn't like it...

              Red flag.
              No one tells the wind which way to blow.

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                #8
                Re: Practicing while living with someone

                The privacy issue is why I started meditating more so than anything else. Chanting, breathing exercises, other simple energy work that doesn't take a ton of space. If I feel like praying or communicating with my Gods I do it psychically. I take walks in nature, greet the Sun, the Sky, the ocean when I am near it, enjoy nature and watch the wild life to get a sense of connection and enjoy the Moon when I am outside at night. I'll even do chants and quick banishings and circle castings in the shower. It's a very healing and creative time for me.

                If you are in the traditional mind set, find tools or representations of tools that you can carry with you and when you find yourself in a private setting, do some instant magic or devotion. Before you leave the house, bring some bits of organic food and offer it to the Gods or animal guides on your way to work or wherever you are heading. I think magic and connection should be done in whatever way suites the practitioner because I think it lets the Gods know you think about them even if you can't or won't do elaborate rituals for whatever reason and the magic is more powerful because it stems directly from your internal power.

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                  #9
                  Re: Practicing while living with someone

                  I'm not so traditional really. I've never been big on details and I've never been a fan of formality in certain cases. But I think being outside helps

                  I'll try to make some spiritual space. I think it might be best to do an altar in a box...my BF really hates stuff lying around, and I've had to fight for a few ornaments around the house (he feels cluttered with stuff like that). I guess it's not so hard, because I'd largely neglected my altar recently anyway. For a while I took to simply doing things wherever it felt right at the time. The issue is, nowhere feels right at the moment. Maybe I just need to be more patient.

                  We had a lot of stuff to work out as well, so maybe that played a role. I've been living in Germany for nearly 8 years, but it's still a bit of a culture clash at times, especially since he comes from the East. There have also been a lot of changes going on. I really got rolling on my career a couple of months ago, and the language I speak at home has switched (I lived alone before so my home space was always English...now it's largely German except for when I work). I guess it's just a lot to get used to and maybe I need to settle in, even though I haven't gone anywhere.

                  The big helpful thing is that we've been doing a lot of work in roof terrace garden, and I got to plant lots of things. Growing things and the outdoors plays a huge role in my path, so it helps keep me in touch a little bit He thinks having greenery and nature around is very important as well, so he's happy to help make it nice, and we love to go do outdoorsy stuff together.

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                    #10
                    Re: Practicing while living with someone

                    I just thought about this as I was reading your post- you could always use you and your boyfriend's relationship as a connection to your practice. Love and passion play a big role in all facets of religion and magic, the principles of cause and effect and gender (masculine/feminine), fertility, psychic awareness, etc. This connection can also be empowered as you work on your garden together-this could be a great fertility right in itself. And if he is open to this idea, then the more energy (or whatever you want to call it) is raised and directed.

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                      #11
                      Re: Practicing while living with someone

                      Danie, what about creating an outdoor space on your balcony? Or (not knowing what your furniture arrangements are), having a small hutch or a cabinet on the wall? Something like this, which is usually more of a bathroom thing, in the bedroom or off a hallway or something?

                      The doing stuff where other people are thing, you just have to get used to that...but if you put it in a corner of your room, just mention that you need some time for meditation or whatever and close the door, ask him not to disturb you for a bit. If he's reasonable, he should respect that.
                      Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
                      sigpic

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                        #12
                        Re: Practicing while living with someone

                        I have been with my wife for almost fifty years now.Before we got together I discussed my beliefs with her and she did the same.I am not athiest but have no ties to any religion as to be quite honest I find them to be to restrictive to my personal beliefs.We are very independant people and I guess I am very lucky to have found someone like her as we have never questioned each other's beliefs out of the sheer respect we have for each other's individual freedoms.

                        We have three boys who at times have talked about their paths very openly and I am very open with them about mine but I also have never tried to sway their beliefs in any way shape or form.They have come to realise that their paths are their own to walk and are very understanding of this.They also know that I have always been here to listen to their questions that have risen over time and I have found that by answering questions with questions that in most cases they have found the answers they had been seeking on their own which they have thanked me for many times.There are three things that I have taught them throughout their lives and they are,(1) to be honest to your self and (2) you do not gain respect without respecting others,(3) to never knowingly transgress another's path as they are sacred in the eyes of the one who walks it.

                        With your problem do not try to look for complicated answers as being human we tend to bog down and this only ends up like birds flying in small circles and never getting very far.To many times we tend to discard the simple things as we feel they have no importance.Be honest tell him that you need space to be you.You are not asking very much and you may be surprised at the results it brings.
                        silly old man

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                          #13

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                            #14
                            Re: Practicing while living with someone

                            If space is an issue, then maybe get/make some "ceremonial wear" that you could put on and help you get into the headspace for a rite/working? This could be anything for full on robes to a special pinky ring.

                            Other than that, I think you just have to buckle down and do it. It's like working out. The longer you put it off the easier it becomes to put off. Then, even though you KNOW you should get back to it and you KNOW it'll leave you feeling better for it, it's hard to get out of the rut. So you just have to take that first step and push through.
                            "The doer alone learneth." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

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