I have this nasty habit of... thinking too much... often about nothing in particular. And it tends to leave me really drained and really unsure of myself, my surroundings, and my "reality." Yes, I'm a little special...
And there's something that's really been bothering me for awhile now that I haven't been able to really find an answer for within. So I'm looking outward and asking for people's insight, advice, opinions, or just random thoughts on the matter that might give me a line to think on other than what I have been.
I'll skip over the fun history of my life and simply state that I have been through things that I didn't even know existed, loss I didn't even know was possible, and pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It has changed me in profound ways, and I don't even regret those events occurring because they have made me into someone better as a whole and it has brought me things that I had never dreamed of having before.
But that being said, there are also wounds that I probably will never be able to fully heal. I have accepted that, I have learned coping methods to it and I have identified what I can work on in the meantime. One of those pesky issues that I need to be able to conquer though is this general thought-process that ultimately leads me to think "what's the point?"
I can say that what I've gone through have made me a better healer, which is has. But the people I heal often just go right back out there and act like jerks to others, despite what they've gone through themselves. I don't feel like I make the world any better for my presence in it, I don't feel like my efforts are even heard or realized most of the time, and I don't feel like even though I have gone through so much and have developed a profound sense of stubbornness to keep going through things until the other side that I will ever see a day where I have my own comfy home, my own family, and my own financial stability (which is a thought for a lot of people these days). And even if I am somehow helping people, it will all be nullified when I die or become too crazy to help anyone anyway. I won't ever make such an impact on the world that I'll drastically change anything permanently, and history suggests nothing ever really changes the human condition and the mistakes we are making now will keep on happening.
Human nature, natural order, forgetting, controlling the masses, yadda yadda yadda. I could probably write a book, so I'll stop here.
My main question: does anyone else ever feel this way? And how do you get over it?
I think it also hinges a bit on my idea that I don't really have the correct kind of personality to really ever secure a stable and rewarded career in my lifetime, and it sounds illogical to me but I can't really argue the reality of the situation either.
So yeah, any thoughts, ideas, personal experiences, advice, opinions, whatever are all greatly appreciated.
And now I've totally made myself look like a crazy person to everybody... joy
And there's something that's really been bothering me for awhile now that I haven't been able to really find an answer for within. So I'm looking outward and asking for people's insight, advice, opinions, or just random thoughts on the matter that might give me a line to think on other than what I have been.
I'll skip over the fun history of my life and simply state that I have been through things that I didn't even know existed, loss I didn't even know was possible, and pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It has changed me in profound ways, and I don't even regret those events occurring because they have made me into someone better as a whole and it has brought me things that I had never dreamed of having before.
But that being said, there are also wounds that I probably will never be able to fully heal. I have accepted that, I have learned coping methods to it and I have identified what I can work on in the meantime. One of those pesky issues that I need to be able to conquer though is this general thought-process that ultimately leads me to think "what's the point?"
I can say that what I've gone through have made me a better healer, which is has. But the people I heal often just go right back out there and act like jerks to others, despite what they've gone through themselves. I don't feel like I make the world any better for my presence in it, I don't feel like my efforts are even heard or realized most of the time, and I don't feel like even though I have gone through so much and have developed a profound sense of stubbornness to keep going through things until the other side that I will ever see a day where I have my own comfy home, my own family, and my own financial stability (which is a thought for a lot of people these days). And even if I am somehow helping people, it will all be nullified when I die or become too crazy to help anyone anyway. I won't ever make such an impact on the world that I'll drastically change anything permanently, and history suggests nothing ever really changes the human condition and the mistakes we are making now will keep on happening.
Human nature, natural order, forgetting, controlling the masses, yadda yadda yadda. I could probably write a book, so I'll stop here.
My main question: does anyone else ever feel this way? And how do you get over it?
I think it also hinges a bit on my idea that I don't really have the correct kind of personality to really ever secure a stable and rewarded career in my lifetime, and it sounds illogical to me but I can't really argue the reality of the situation either.
So yeah, any thoughts, ideas, personal experiences, advice, opinions, whatever are all greatly appreciated.
And now I've totally made myself look like a crazy person to everybody... joy
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