Coping With Grief

[Unlogisch]

Recently, my family and I have suffered two great losses: my great aunt and her daughter, both, passed away within days of each other - from age and through tragic accident, respectively.

In the last few weeks, I have been composing a song to commemorate their lives and trying to cope with the loss in both practical and spiritual terms and I'm just wondering how you guys cope with the loss of loved ones and how your spirituality plays into how you process it.

Thanks in advance.

[Malflick]

Re: Coping With Grief

Writing, prayer, and talking about them with loved ones is how I usually go about it.

The song is a good idea, I wish you luck on it. I'm very sorry for the losses in your family.

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Coping With Grief

I'm sorry for your loss.

I don't cope, personally. I pretend it didn't happen and that I don't have feelings. And I keep doing it until I don't feel it anymore. Not a good suggestion, but it's how I deal with it!

[wisp]

Re: Coping With Grief

I shut right up and I shrug and I look really cold to most people. I -hate- crying in front of other people and I often feel like I need to be the pillar for others to lean on and the hugger going "there, there". Whether or not it's true, it's something I've always felt. In private I'll cry and break down and be a general mess, but as soon as there's anyone else around, I'm back to being blank. My approach is probably not recommended either.

[Lilium of the Valley]

Re: Coping With Grief

I'm the rock who holds the rest together...I'm the protector...The one who will show no weakness...Then when I'm alone and I have taken care of everyone else, I will collapse break down, cry...After that initial letting go, I tell myself that this was meant to be for some sort of reason. Everything in life is a lesson. Everything is meant to teach and show some sort of message.
Spiritually especially when the person was sick or old and weak...I tell myself that they dont have to suffer anymore, and i feel joy for them, that they were released from misery and can now be reborn with new energy and a new life, being happy.

[Kahlenda]

Re: Coping With Grief

hmmmmm, its had to explain but i don't let it bother me, i mean yes im miss them and yes iim a little upset they are gone but i dont feel grief? o dunno why or how, and i remember when my dad died, my mum took me to see a psychietrist (sp) and everything cause they were all worried i was repressing, but i dunno, i just think that they are gone and its shitty .that i cant get a response off them when i talk to them anymore (or a hug or watever) but they are still in my heart i can still see them in my head and talk to them and imagine a reply. so i dunno i guess thats rubbish advice if it can even be called advice but there you go.

[Celliehwyn]

Re: Coping With Grief

I'm so sorry for your loss, I think a song is a great idea to commemorate them.
Spiritually I would have to say that the family members I have lost are still with me and maybe even closer to me than they were in life. I lost my Uncle four years ago and my grandmother four and a half years ago (the latter whom I wasn't very close to) and Both have visited me in a dream. My uncle gave me a big hug goodbye shortly after his death and my grandmother made an appearance (totally like her) right after I became pregnant with my daughter. Now that I think about it both of them in each dream came to me in the same room of my old house!
I remember something about each of my loved ones and incorporate that memory into my daily life. my uncle was a fan of numbers, so 11:11 was "his" and I see it very often and pause to remember him. My grandmother was not a very nice person in her life but I do remember some good times like her and my mother singing harmonies and rounds, teaching me the songs. I sing those songs to my children now and remember the good times.

Knowing that they are with me as my ancestors is a great comfort. After the period of grieving is over, maybe six months to a year, I can feel them near me without pain. I hope that they have found peace and love on the other side.

Now that I work as a CNA I can see death from a 3rd party perspective also, and the best thing to remember is that they are now out of pain. Feel grateful that they had a good life, even if it was tragically short. Think of all the lives they touched and made happier and even all of the emotional growth their deaths inspired in those around them.

[Unlogisch]

Re: Coping With Grief

Thank you all for your kind words and responses. My family held a memorial for my cousin a few days ago but, sadly, I was unable to attend as I am currently about five hundred miles away from my immediate family for school.

I have made plans to continue the composition of the song I am writing for her with the assistance of my father, who is far better versed in music theory than I am, when I visit home in August so I'm looking forward to being able to do that...I am somewhat on the fence about whether or not we should give a copy of the recording to her husband, though, as her death was so recent and sudden. What do you guys think? I want him to know that we will have written a song in her memory but I don't want to cause him undue pain during his process of mourning...

[Poshi]

Re: Coping With Grief

I am somewhat on the fence about whether or not we should give a copy of the recording to her husband, though, as her death was so recent and sudden. What do you guys think? I want him to know that we will have written a song in her memory but I don't want to cause him undue pain during his process of mourning...

I would be very open with him and ask him about it. Let him know that it's there for whenever he is ready to hear it, and that way he knows how much his wife meant to you all. I'm sorry for your loss.