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    Holding Myself Back

    So I have been thinking recently how I am all research and no action...I got talking to someone on another forum and they said some pagans experience hesitation to actually start practicing because...

    - fear of not doing it right
    - feeling foolish
    - awkwardness of practicing even though alone
    - fear that you'll get nothing out of it
    - think you might imagine the experiences

    Has anyone else been at this point? If so, how did you move forward? What did you find helped?
    There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything. - Lord Byron

    Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher. -
    William Wordsworth

    #2
    Re: Holding Myself Back

    For me, I want to research everything I can about something before I do it. How to move forward, when in my situation? Well... Finish the research, do it, and then document what happened. That's basically it for me!


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      #3
      Re: Holding Myself Back

      Originally posted by WinterTraditions View Post
      For me, I want to research everything I can about something before I do it. How to move forward, when in my situation? Well... Finish the research, do it, and then document what happened. That's basically it for me!
      I just research...and research...and research...and research. I have researched Artemis about 3 times now lol.
      There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything. - Lord Byron

      Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher. -
      William Wordsworth

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Holding Myself Back

        How do you research something several times? xD I'm guessing you did it on three separate occasions...

        Personally, I don't see anything wrong with knowledge... But, you know... You need experience in order to put it all together to be wise, so...


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          #5
          Re: Holding Myself Back

          Well, ritual and practice only applies if you need a result out of it. Without a need, there's no need to do it (lolpun). Spells and stuff need a purpose for them to work. May it be cleansing, protecting, destroying, killing, assist or help, you do workings and spells to achieve something. If you don't feel a need needs to be satisfied, then you don't really need to do anything until feel a need that needs to be addressed.

          Check out my blog! The Daily Satanist

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            #6
            Re: Holding Myself Back

            Originally posted by WinterTraditions View Post
            How do you research something several times? xD I'm guessing you did it on three separate occasions...

            Personally, I don't see anything wrong with knowledge... But, you know... You need experience in order to put it all together to be wise, so...
            Yep in three different notebooks lol. I kinda feel like I do not know enough in order to seek experiences, and always doubt the experiences I do have.

            - - - Updated - - -

            Originally posted by SeanRave View Post
            Well, ritual and practice only applies if you need a result out of it. Without a need, there's no need to do it (lolpun). Spells and stuff need a purpose for them to work. May it be cleansing, protecting, destroying, killing, assist or help, you do workings and spells to achieve something. If you don't feel a need needs to be satisfied, then you don't really need to do anything until feel a need that needs to be addressed.
            I guess my needs and desires currently relate more towards connecting rather than workings if that makes sense.
            There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything. - Lord Byron

            Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher. -
            William Wordsworth

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Holding Myself Back

              I never quite understood the concept of "connecting" but here's my advice: Since you are eclectic, I find it every difficult to know what your path is, so this is going to be very general: Do something. Whatever, just do it. Put your internal energies and mind to work. The greatest knowledge lies within, and only through practice you will be able to spontaneously discover sections. You will start peeling the bark that separates you from your core.

              Check out my blog! The Daily Satanist

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                #8
                Re: Holding Myself Back

                Originally posted by dgirl1986 View Post
                Has anyone else been at this point? If so, how did you move forward? What did you find helped?
                Yep, I've been there... a few times, actually. I feel like what I'm about to say is probably the most unhelpful advice, but well, the only way to get over it is to just jump in and do it. You can go around and around forever just feeling like maybe you just need to research a bit more, going through all the doubts and such, and the only way to really break out of that cycle is by beginning to practice, in some way, and getting into the habit of practicing somewhat regularly so you don't fall back into the old pattern of not doing.
                Hearth and Hedge

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                  #9
                  Re: Holding Myself Back

                  Yeah I get ya. I'm a bit at that point now, but I've come across one thing that I truly do believe, and decided to make a small shrine for it. I haven't done it yet (a bit sick) but I will. Once you can think of one small thing you're certain of, go and make a shrine for it :P it's something for you to look at and remember, and a place to focus your energies.

                  Even small things like dusting an existing altar, or building one from scratch can help you connect. Just do it with intent. And it will serve as a constant reminder for you.
                  ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                  RIP

                  I have never been across the way
                  Seen the desert and the birds
                  You cut your hair short
                  Like a shush to an insult
                  The world had been yelling
                  Since the day you were born
                  Revolting with anger
                  While it smiled like it was cute
                  That everything was shit.

                  - J. Wylder

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                    #10
                    Re: Holding Myself Back

                    Sometimes we are hesitant to do something for a reason. Sometimes it's just not really for us, no matter how much we want it to be.
                    Satan is my spirit animal

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Holding Myself Back

                      Maybe it's synchronicity that I've been having this same struggle--I am learning about a Canaanite spiritual path, yet there seems to be so much in learning the 'spiritual language' from scholarly sources and books covering it. It makes me paranoid that I'm going to offend the Deities. Even though I'm learning about their cultural context, I don't think I'm 'good enough'. I also have anxiety issues which I've struggled with even before studying paganism.

                      Eventually I just go forward. I get through the worry and anxiety by giving the Deities a 'disclaimer'--where I'm at, what I'm trying to do, and why it may potentially be not good enough, but offering my honesty and sincerity to Them. So far, I have not received a strong, definite "You're doing it wrong!" from Them. If it's really a faux pas, They'll let you know. Also, I've noticed that too much worry gets in the way of Them speaking to me; some of my connection came from the subtle thoughts and hints. Hard as it may be to believe, I think They'd rather have us talk to them, even if it's crude. We're learning, and that's ok.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Holding Myself Back

                        Good place to start is to remember that anything is better than nothing. I had (still have, although I'm nowhere near as bad these days) the same issue, so what I'd do is try to break my practice up, and throw in a little bit here and there whenever I could manage it. If you try to change your whole life at once and adjust to a whole new schedule overnight, you'll just end up resisting and never making any progress, so instead try with small changes. Next time you're waiting for a website to load or someone to reply to a message or something, turn off your monitor and do a short meditation for a few minutes (breathing exercises are really good for this). Find a short ritual you can do first thing after getting out bed, or whenever else you're usually free of the days distractions. Just fit something in, somewhere, and don't beat yourself up too much if you miss it here and there.

                        I've also found that it gains momentum after a while. Breaking away from the distractions and excuses is hard, but once you manage that, continuing to ignore them is much easier. Once you inserting regular practice as part of your day it becomes easier and easier to start and to keep going with it, especially once the benefits of daily spiritual work start showing themselves.

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                          #13
                          Re: Holding Myself Back

                          Agreed with the above post, if you're hesitant, start small. Things you're comfortable with, things that are simple, and move on from there.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Holding Myself Back

                            Originally posted by Aeran View Post
                            I've also found that it gains momentum after a while. Breaking away from the distractions and excuses is hard, but once you manage that, continuing to ignore them is much easier. Once you inserting regular practice as part of your day it becomes easier and easier to start and to keep going with it, especially once the benefits of daily spiritual work start showing themselves.
                            I agree with Aeran. Doing something everyday that makes you feel connected to what you practice and believe is very helpful. Doing for others is something I get to do everyday because of my job so I can see how my ordinary life can be spiritual. there is spirit in everything so everything we do can be a part of a spiritual practice, the rituals and bells and whistles are mainly for honoring the divinity in the ordinary. I guess what I'm saying is that just living can be practice enough. but that's just my philosophy.

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                              #15
                              Re: Holding Myself Back

                              I find for me the research often shows that what is being pushed today is not what was actually done in antiquity or even based upon an archaic practice. For instance one see's an offering of cakes with a candle to Artemis yet the actual event that established that fact was only celebrated every six years and at one location. Makes it difficult to say I am doing this for X reason when the reason does not appear to have spiritual or historical support. For me that becomes a significant issue in that I try to make things correct as possible and prefer to understand the whys of a thing when I can.

                              The same could be said of the monthly meals for Hecate / Hekate. You really do not find a lot of references to them in archaic Greek literature, you mostly find them in later Roman literature after she becomes conflated with Triformus. Thus the 29th of every month becomes a meal and offering night but is it to the same Hecate / Hekate? Especially given there are two significant trains of though about Hecate / Hekate during the Roman period. The goddess of Witches, witchcraft and evil or dark things on one hand and the Chaldean Hecate / Hekate on the other who bears little resemblance to the other.

                              What I do find is that I find when I need to do a specific ritual or ceremony I start to get a series of developing dreams and images of what needs to be done. Usually starting a few weeks to a month before it will need to be done then fleshing out as the time closes upon me. Daily things I find for me are not really about libations, offerings or sacrifices but about things like this here thread where I am encouraged to speak or simply sudden urges to delve into some aspect of my gods / goddesses that simply will not lessen until I do so.

                              But mostly you have to do what ever for yourself and the connection you have to your gods / goddesses or even land spirits or ancestors. If you listen I find you'll hear what it is they desire or want you to do. Sometimes it might be something special, other times it seems just to speak about them or present them as you understand them to be is all that is important. At times I think even to the point of turning what is UPG (Unproven or Unverifiable Personal Gnosis) into Shared Personal Gnosis (SPG). Confirming how a particular god / goddess appears or speaks to you or even what they suggest that seems to gain strength as it is similar to what another feels or has discovered. Especially when there is no hard evidence of what they were like.

                              I can speak upon whatever personal reasons or blocks your own beliefs or dedication to them may impose upon you. Those are things you yourself have to overcome and face. I find many try to hide or place their beliefs behind the curtain of illusions. Claiming to believe but for what ever reason keeping it separate from who they are or how they show it. Something that can be seen as holding themselves back from actively worshiping and believing in the gods / goddesses or other elements they claim to believe in.
                              I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

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