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    Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    An old friend of mine seems to be terribly depressed. She confessed this to me a while back. She told me that she felt incredibly lonely and was upset because no one spends time with her anymore. We made plans to hang out today, but she cancelled them at the last minute. She's been doing this for a while. Whenever I talk to her, I can just hear the heavy sadness in her voice. I've been depressed in the past, so I understand some of what she's going through. I also understand that isolation isn't very good for depression, in most cases. Unfortunately, depression also tends to make people want to isolate themselves. I don't know what to do. She'll make plans to see someone, then cancel them, then become even more depressed because she feels so lonely.
    I want to help her and be supportive, but I don't know how when she's pushing her friends away like this. I also don't want to invade her personal space or force myself on her. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Have any advice? Thoughts? Thanks.

    #2
    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

    Just keep being patient and keep in contact. Sounds like you're being a good friend!
    sigpic
    Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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      #3
      Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

      All you can really do is be there for her when she needs you, maybe suggest she talk to someone about it. But ultimately, it's in her hands.

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        #4
        Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

        Ask to hang out with her. Let her know you won't talk about that at all. It will just be a day to get away. Maybe take her to a zoo. Animals always help. A lot of times we (the depressed) don't want to be around people because we don't want to have to pretend to be happy. Let her know this upfront. That you get it. Then just do something with her alone. Coffee. A movie. And just talk to her normally. If she wants, she will open up to you, if she's ready. Good luck.
        Satan is my spirit animal

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          #5
          Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

          Originally posted by Medusa View Post
          Ask to hang out with her. Let her know you won't talk about that at all. It will just be a day to get away. Maybe take her to a zoo. Animals always help. A lot of times we (the depressed) don't want to be around people because we don't want to have to pretend to be happy. Let her know this upfront. That you get it. Then just do something with her alone. Coffee. A movie. And just talk to her normally. If she wants, she will open up to you, if she's ready. Good luck.
          Fairly much this ^^. Just being there and not saying anything, and making it clear that you don't expect her to say anything either can be a big help.

          One more thing. You could try to give her practical help if that is possible for you, such as, do the shopping, cook for her (maybe make something at your own place that can be reheated), wash her laudry, etc.
          I know not all with depression will agree that this is a help. For some messing with the everyday things is just an increased stressfactor they don't need to deal with right now or taking away the things that make them get out of bed in the morning, while for others not having to cope with all these daily or weekly things helps lighten the burden. So it is not unconditionally a good idea, but I thought I'd give it to you anyway and let you decide on the matter.
          Warning: The above post may contain traces of sarcasm.

          An apostrophe is the difference between a business that knows its shit, and a business that knows it's shit.

          "Why is every object we don't understand always called a thing?" (McCoy. Star Trek: The Moive Picture)

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            #6
            Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

            Thanks so much for all of the advice, you guys. I really appreciate it.

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              #7
              Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

              also don't try to make her go out if she does not want to...maybe sugest to her that you will have a girly night in with a film so she does not feel pressured to talk, and if you cook dinner or you just slob out and eat junk for the night ! that made me feel better, still does
              http://theheathenstudyclub.proboards.com/

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                #8
                Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

                That sounds like it just might be her kind of deal. I'll be sure to suggest it

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                  #9
                  Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

                  First of all, you are a very good person and devoted friend.
                  I had a similar situation some weeks ago. Your friend needs somebody to rely on, and you are the ideal person for this.
                  You don't need to push her, but to spend a little time with her. For instance, you can meet a couple of times during the week, and hang out together.
                  Best of luck!
                  "Fair means that everybody gets what they need. And the only way to get that is to make it happen yourself."



                  Since I adore cats, I might write something strange or unusual in my comment.Cats are awesome!!! ^_^

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                    #10
                    Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

                    Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                    Ask to hang out with her. Let her know you won't talk about that at all. It will just be a day to get away. Maybe take her to a zoo. Animals always help. A lot of times we (the depressed) don't want to be around people because we don't want to have to pretend to be happy. Let her know this upfront. That you get it. Then just do something with her alone. Coffee. A movie. And just talk to her normally. If she wants, she will open up to you, if she's ready. Good luck.
                    This. You can also suggest a movie night in at her place. I know that when I was depressed, sometimes it was hard to get me out, but I'd gladly have people over.

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                      #11
                      Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

                      Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                      Ask to hang out with her. Let her know you won't talk about that at all. It will just be a day to get away. Maybe take her to a zoo. Animals always help. A lot of times we (the depressed) don't want to be around people because we don't want to have to pretend to be happy. Let her know this upfront. That you get it. Then just do something with her alone. Coffee. A movie. And just talk to her normally. If she wants, she will open up to you, if she's ready. Good luck.
                      Pretty much this. I do the same thing, being depressed, and not seeing my friends much. The important thing is that you're there for her when she is ready. It sounds like you're being a great friend. I'd take Medusa's advice. Even just being there, not saying anything, can be a huge help. Good luck.

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                        #12
                        Re: Advice pertaining to a depressed friend...

                        Two things that seem to always help depression is laughter and animals. So perhaps a movie night would work wonders (make sure it is an uplifting, fun movie) and when your friend feels good about the evening then you could suggest going to the Zoo or some other outdoor activity either involving animals or nature (perhaps a walk in a forest?). Food is another feel good thing, but sugar causes depression so the choice of foods is very important. Raw cacao (chocolate) made on agave syrup is a mood lifter and helps put erratic hormones (always a given with depression) back into line. I buy raw cacao mint choc for my sad friends and they love it because they feel the lift they get from the cacao bean. The very best help for depression is a hug and a kind ear to listen... I can see you are all that and more to her.
                        My posts are generally sent from my cell fone. Please excuse my brevity, and spelling/grammar errors.

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