This is how it has always been. I would not trade the wisdom I have gleaned from so many pagan paths from Druidry to Thelema for all the riches in the world. Not for it's bounty, nor for the affections of a woman even if she were as beautiful as Helen for whom thousands died in battle. However I am alone... It is a beautiful thing in some ways to be solitary, to feel or possibly know that you are the only one who walks this path, but humans are social animals never meant to be alone. Even our Gods are never alone, for they have friends, spouses, and children. However, being solitary means being isolated even among friends. I realize some traditions no matter how formalized are extremely eclectic. The Feri and Thelemite traditions for example. I adore the ways of Thelema but finding even the smallest gathering thereof is difficult and schisms are frequent. Feri is going through such a crisis on a large scale right now. These schisms tear my soul apart to hear of wherever they occur. Can none of us stand together? Can none of us share in our love of the old deities and their ways with great civility anymore? This too has increased the weight of the loneliness I feel. I worry that I have become used to being a solitary and might shy away from more direct association even if the fit is nigh perfect. I do not know of a tradition that feels as if everything about it was taken from my maw. I know only that I am an eclectic pagan. However it saddens me that I do not have such kinship. There is no church, nor order, nor coven that I know of that would have me.
Some might say why not start your own? It is not so simple. I would first need to find like minded persons. On a grander scale this is much harder than it sounds. If I were to start such a tradition who would listen? I've not spoken directly to the Gods. I've not come from any great lineage. I have worked magic but I cannot claim to have shaken the heavens with the wisdom I have put to use. I am but a man seeking the path of priesthood hoping to find further wisdom. I cannot claim to be a third degree of any order, grand master, nor chosen prophet. Nor can I claim to be the personal protege or acquaintance or student of a more prominent person. I fear that if I were to I would still be revising and that no one would see any particular reason to join in this sense. I fear sounding pretentious in this action too... I fear the loneliness that comes with being a solitary. However I find it hard to rectify the situation either because of my shyness or lack of others who think similarly enough...
Some might say why not start your own? It is not so simple. I would first need to find like minded persons. On a grander scale this is much harder than it sounds. If I were to start such a tradition who would listen? I've not spoken directly to the Gods. I've not come from any great lineage. I have worked magic but I cannot claim to have shaken the heavens with the wisdom I have put to use. I am but a man seeking the path of priesthood hoping to find further wisdom. I cannot claim to be a third degree of any order, grand master, nor chosen prophet. Nor can I claim to be the personal protege or acquaintance or student of a more prominent person. I fear that if I were to I would still be revising and that no one would see any particular reason to join in this sense. I fear sounding pretentious in this action too... I fear the loneliness that comes with being a solitary. However I find it hard to rectify the situation either because of my shyness or lack of others who think similarly enough...
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