An Open Apology to Pagans

[Wonderland]

Greetings!

I'm Jen. I just joined this forum and I'm at the beginning of a journey to a new spiritual path but before I go any further with my posts on this forum, there's something that I need to do. What you will read next, is an open apology I posted on my spiritual blog a couple of days ago but I'd like it to reach as many people as possible.

I used to be Christian and back in the day I behaved in ways that I shouldn't have. Being a Pagan now has opened up my eyes so much and I've been feeling so guilty and ashamed that I needed to do something about it. I know that you may not know me nor I may not know you, nonetheless I felt compelled to write this for you, for everyone who reads it and identifies with it:


An Open Apology

As I write this, I'm thinking of the best way I could express my feelings. Words elude me every few minutes. I guess there is no other way of saying that I'M SORRY. I don't seek forgiveness nor I seek understanding. I only want to try my best to let others know how deeply sorry and ashamed I am of how I used to be and how I used to treat others who didn't believe in what I believed. There are no excuses, no justifications. I could say I was brought up to be like that but that's not a good reason.

I never thought beyond of what I had been taught until the damage was done. I didn't give anyone an opportunity to help me understand why they thought differently. I thought I was doing good when in reality, I was being judgmental, selfish and depriving people of their freedom of expressing themselves how they wanted. I now know how frustrating it is for someone to not understand your ways and simply judge you for the way you look, act or speak... even what you wear.

I'm sorry. I wish I could go back in time and give people back all that time and energy they wasted on me trying to escape from a judgmental, close-minded, intolerant environment. I didn't know but worst of all, I didn't want to know. It's been years since I last did anything similar but I guess it took me to experience it to really know how much it hurts. How much it hurts to have people look at you like a stranger, an anomaly, a weird being. I had no idea. I know this might not be much, maybe not a lot of people will read this but I just wanted to put it out there for anyone to see.

I don't know what else I could say other than I'm sorry.

This is my apology to you. To everyone whom I once judged, looked down on or criticized. I now release this hoping that someone, anyone will read it and know that I understand. There's no hidden agenda, only regret.

Originally written on August 23, 2013.

[thalassa]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

In life, no one is perfect. Everyone has flawed ideas, beliefs, and actions that they engage in at one point or another. It isn't that we have been imperfect that is the problem, its that we often refuse to face our imperfections and in doing so, we miss the opportunity to grow beyond them. It looks like you've done that...which is as much as anyone could hope for. I don't think you have anything to be apologizing for (except maybe to people that you personally affected in some way), but thank you none the less.

[Sean R. R.]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

Apology taken?

It really does seem this came from your heart.

[Erika]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

*hugs*

We all do stupid things, no matter what we believe. Recognizing this, and owning up to it, shows a strength of character that a lot of people don't have(I know I don't always). Apology accepted, and forgiveness given, even if you didn't ask for it.

Be glad that you can recognize your faults, and try to move beyond them, and do better. It's all anyone can do.

And, thanks. :-)

[Malflick]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

*internet hugs*
We all make mistakes. Especially when we're molded by a society that contorts religion into something it shouldn't be, something dangerous and harmful to others. I'm glad you've grown and become more accepting, ironically as a Pagan, you now sound like a more Christian person than when you were a Christian, which is of course highly ironic.

Though obviously this apology isn't directed to me, it still makes me happy to know that you're growing as a person, and finding a better path for yourself.

Take care, and it was good of you to speak up and let that out <3.

[Wonderland]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

Thank you everyone for replying.

I know I still have a long way of learning to recognize my mistakes but I wanted to get this out asap. When I was a Christian, I was taught that everyone else was wrong and I was right. I know this is a common way of thinking among Christians and back then I was so immersed in it that I really never let anyone even try to engage in an objective conversation with me. My church really went out of its way to make sure that everyone else knew what we believed in. We even went on trips to bless buildings that seemed "satanic" for us. It was just so crazy but it felt normal.

I tried to convert so many of my school friends and random people on the street that I can't even keep count. Now I read all of your stories about those type of encounters and I feel so ashamed of what I did. To think that at some point in my life I made people practically miserable and scared of expressing their religious or non-religious beliefs is just sad and frustrating. I know that no one's perfect but now I can really learn from my mistakes and realize how important tolerance is.

Once again, thank you for your support.

[EndlessCravings]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

*hugs*

We all have messed up in our lives. Thank you,by the way. Welcome to the Forum

[monsno_leedra]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

I've read and re-read this thread perhaps a hundred times already. While I think the intent behind it is honorable, perhaps even healing to the OP I can't help but think, "Why bother!"

If one was truly devout in their prior beliefs and did as their God , god or goddess asked then they were honorable in their practice and commitment to it. That it may have hurt another to their perspective is typical of all religions / spiritual pathways for it is unavoidable that we will hurt others in some form or fashion. Even the holding of opinions that may not support or endorse another is not evil in itself. Though I admit there is a fine line between believing something and acting upon it in the physical.

Now your here offering an apology for a belief and perspective from a previous pathway. Yet your apology suggests that when this pathway falters or fails, and it surely will, then you'll be offering another apology for being honorable or committed to a god / goddess. Almost appearing as if you've made a mistake, do not accept your part of the decision process and gain absolution from it by having another say we forgive you. To be clean so to speak of your previous dirt and associations.

Even the suggestion of it being a first step in healing is sort of illogical and an illusion when you consider how "Politically Correct" it has become to try and apologize to everyone you think you've wronged and ask forgiveness from them. The front doesn't matter as long as you get that absolution for your transgressions, riding you of the guilt or western sense of karmic debt from it. In many ways contrary to many pagan / heathen / occultist perspectives of taking responsibility for ones actions and the outcome or repercussions from said actions.

We have all done things we might be ashamed of but I do not think we can go into church and ask for absolution of those wrongs and expect to walk away with a clean slate. Especially given that we can never truly erase the conditioning of those programs upon our mental and spiritual self and only grow from it. It is and will always be a factor in ones decision making process and how they view each and every encounter they have with the external world about them and perhaps even their own internal landscape.

At best I'd look for self forgiveness which can only be given by ones own self. To come to terms with ones past and actions / reactions they caused or experienced in the living of it. In many ways part of the facing of ones own shadow self and dark side or Dark Night of the Soul aspect of their pathway. But seeking forgiveness from outside seldom does anything to address that shadow aspect of the self and come to terms with it. Especially so in that most often that false sense of forgiveness and absolution does nothing but hide the dark aspect of self even deeper and behind many false walls.

The victim may imply or suggest they forgive you the fallout of your actions but only you can forgive and face the fact you pulled the trigger so to speak. But then the waters have rushed past and you continue with the flow forward not what may or may not have occurred in the past. That is the trash that carries forward in the tidal flow that marks your progress along the course of life.

[Wonderland]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

I've read and re-read this thread perhaps a hundred times already. While I think the intent behind it is honorable, perhaps even healing to the OP I can't help but think, "Why bother!"

If one was truly devout in their prior beliefs and did as their God , god or goddess asked then they were honorable in their practice and commitment to it. That it may have hurt another to their perspective is typical of all religions / spiritual pathways for it is unavoidable that we will hurt others in some form or fashion. Even the holding of opinions that may not support or endorse another is not evil in itself. Though I admit there is a fine line between believing something and acting upon it in the physical.

Now your here offering an apology for a belief and perspective from a previous pathway. Yet your apology suggests that when this pathway falters or fails, and it surely will, then you'll be offering another apology for being honorable or committed to a god / goddess. Almost appearing as if you've made a mistake, do not accept your part of the decision process and gain absolution from it by having another say we forgive you. To be clean so to speak of your previous dirt and associations.

Even the suggestion of it being a first step in healing is sort of illogical and an illusion when you consider how "Politically Correct" it has become to try and apologize to everyone you think you've wronged and ask forgiveness from them. The front doesn't matter as long as you get that absolution for your transgressions, riding you of the guilt or western sense of karmic debt from it. In many ways contrary to many pagan / heathen / occultist perspectives of taking responsibility for ones actions and the outcome or repercussions from said actions.

We have all done things we might be ashamed of but I do not think we can go into church and ask for absolution of those wrongs and expect to walk away with a clean slate. Especially given that we can never truly erase the conditioning of those programs upon our mental and spiritual self and only grow from it. It is and will always be a factor in ones decision making process and how they view each and every encounter they have with the external world about them and perhaps even their own internal landscape.

At best I'd look for self forgiveness which can only be given by ones own self. To come to terms with ones past and actions / reactions they caused or experienced in the living of it. In many ways part of the facing of ones own shadow self and dark side or Dark Night of the Soul aspect of their pathway. But seeking forgiveness from outside seldom does anything to address that shadow aspect of the self and come to terms with it. Especially so in that most often that false sense of forgiveness and absolution does nothing but hide the dark aspect of self even deeper and behind many false walls.

The victim may imply or suggest they forgive you the fallout of your actions but only you can forgive and face the fact you pulled the trigger so to speak. But then the waters have rushed past and you continue with the flow forward not what may or may not have occurred in the past. That is the trash that carries forward in the tidal flow that marks your progress along the course of life.

Thank you for replying.

As I stated in my original post, I don't seek forgiveness. I'm simply facing the fact that I did hurt a lot of people during my previous path in which I did things that were NOT supposed to be done. Being intolerant, judgmental and purposely hating on others for not believing what I believed in is wrong in any aspect, religious or not.

I never said I seek absolution, I admit and embrace my faults and my mistakes knowing that I'm not perfect and that I may still make mistakes but try to NOT make the same ones. Sure, the path I may take now might hurt others in the sense that it's a different belief but it will not hurt others proactively and with that intent, like I did before. I'm not apologizing for my beliefs, I'm apologizing for my actions. There were other people who believed in the same things but didn't take it to the level I did.

This whole post was a way to let others know that I get it, I understand how they feel and I'm sorry. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well enough but this is the best I can do. :=L:

Take care.

[dreamweaver]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

Wonderland From what you have written here I feel that you have attempted to show that you are being true to yourself which is something that I feel is one of the hardest things you will experience.You have not begun a new path but merely reached a fork that will lead you in another direction.There will be many more over life and we can only hope that we learn from each fork we encounter.
I am proud to have met you on this forum and if you feel the need at any time to talk to an old man I'm here for you.

[Wonderland]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

Wonderland From what you have written here I feel that you have attempted to show that you are being true to yourself which is something that I feel is one of the hardest things you will experience.You have not begun a new path but merely reached a fork that will lead you in another direction.There will be many more over life and we can only hope that we learn from each fork we encounter.
I am proud to have met you on this forum and if you feel the need at any time to talk to an old man I'm here for you.

Thank you for your insight. I agree with what you said. I've come to realize that it's not a "new" spiritual path per se, it's the same one but it just evolves and takes different directions. Lots of learning and adjusting to do.

[nbdy]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

"Go and sin no more" -- Jesus

[Wickedjr89]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

*hugs*

We all do stupid things, no matter what we believe. Recognizing this, and owning up to it, shows a strength of character that a lot of people don't have(I know I don't always). Apology accepted, and forgiveness given, even if you didn't ask for it.

Be glad that you can recognize your faults, and try to move beyond them, and do better. It's all anyone can do.

And, thanks. :-)

Exactly what I think too . *internet hugs*

[Auseklis]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

That is a beautiful letter that every one of us could be stating at some stage of our lives for different reasons. While I don't think you need to apologize as your actions speak what words cannot, it is very honorable of you to do so, as very few would. Your strength is in your humbleness and ability to admit you are not perfect and we are all in that boat together.

[Wonderland]

Re: An Open Apology to Pagans

Thank you for your replies Wickedjr89 and Auseklis.