What do you guys think?

[Heka]

Re: What do you guys think?

If you've never actually met, I don't see what the issue is. Pretty much make sure you don't meet, and no one can say anything against you. Not only will you never have met (and therefore not possibly have done anything improper) but I'm assuming you talk online? There will be the evidence of your platonic relationship. Just don't meet each other till she's older.

High school is like that. You can't date anyone outside of your grade, yet as soon as you leave school/hit your twenties, getting with a 30 yo is fine. Bit ridiculous, but ah well.

[Sonku]

Re: What do you guys think?

She may not take it easy but eventually she will have to understand that you are just a friend, make your no loud and clear, it is common that young sisters like to take their elder sisters boyfriends but if you agree with her you are the one who will carry the blame.

[Jembru]

Re: What do you guys think?

I agree with those who have said it is safer to just step away. Teens can get very obsessive and act irrationally. Not all, of course, but they can (and some of us are still like that way after our teens ^^). It would take nothing for her to make a false allegation out of anger, hurt or spite.

Maybe if you explain to her that the situation is just too much and that when she is older, if she wishes to continue the friendship, then maybe she can contact you though her sister, but until then, she needs to respect your position. That way, she won't feel like it's a 'forever' rejection of friendship, and she'll have time to grow up and form more suitable romantic attachments in the meantime.

I personally believe that you were being innocent in your intentions. I have an online friend who is 13 years old (I'm 31). She is a youtube J-vlogger and one of the admin on the Japanese forum I use. Smart kid and very mature for her age. Of course, I wouldn't say we were close friends, but we do chat every now and then, in Japanese, about the kinds of stuff that interest teenagers; pop music, Dr.Who, boyfriends. I used to worry about her being so open and willing to speak to just anyone online so long as it's in Japanese, but her parents know what she is doing and I trust that they're keeping a close tab on her.

The next thing.. age gaps? Hmm, well so long as both parties are of legal age, I guess I have to say they don't bother me, saying as my partner is 22 ^^ It depends on the individuals I guess. In my relationship, JP is definitely the mature one and his friends thought I was about the same age as him for the first 6 months we were together, until I produced my passport to prove I really was 29 (as I was at the time)! We just work and the age gap rarely comes into our or our friends and family's minds.

[lomeydecos]

Re: What do you guys think?

it was due to lesser consideration you said so, you know time changes it all

[DanieMarie]

Re: What do you guys think?

Correct, I am 18 and she is 15

I'm a bit late on this, but OMG that's going a bit far. I can see them raising issues if you actually dated (my friend went out with a 16-year-old when he was 19 and we made soooo much fun of him for it. BTW age of consent in Canada is 16), but it's not a huge age difference for that kind of relationship that you described. I hung out with a few 18 year olds when I was 15.

It's even less weird to be because you're in the US. I feel like it's not that weird to have a friendship with someone you could have gone to high school with. Our high school was grades 10 to 12, but yours is 9 to 12.

When you described the situation I thought that she was maybe like 14 and you were like 22 or something. Not 15 and 18. Seriously....that's the age difference between my brother and his GF (and they were friends first, while she was still in high school...I'm not sure if they met in school. My brother is a year older than the rest of his grad class, so it's pretty likely they did).

[thalassa]

Re: What do you guys think?

Having a 15 year old friend at 18? Heck, one of my best friends at 15 was 27. Totally not a big deal.

And, okay, so she has a crush on you. That's pretty normal for 15... As long as YOU are upfront and honest, that's all you can really do. How she feels is her thing to handle, and (unless she has some underlying emotional or mental problems), she will learn to handle it with time.

I mean, apparently you don't interact, IRL...so its not really a "jailbait" situation. I'd just give her time to get over it and move on, and still be friends with her. Beacause really, just dropping her because she has a crush on you, sort of is a jerk move. Now, if that crush gets obsessive/stalker...drop her like a friggin' hot potato.

And, TBH, the fact that your friends think this is borderline pedo is sort of pervy on their end to me.

[DanieMarie]

Re: What do you guys think?

Having a 15 year old friend at 18? Heck, one of my best friends at 15 was 27. Totally not a big deal.

And, okay, so she has a crush on you. That's pretty normal for 15... As long as YOU are upfront and honest, that's all you can really do. How she feels is her thing to handle, and (unless she has some underlying emotional or mental problems), she will learn to handle it with time.

I mean, apparently you don't interact, IRL...so its not really a "jailbait" situation. I'd just give her time to get over it and move on, and still be friends with her. Beacause really, just dropping her because she has a crush on you, sort of is a jerk move. Now, if that crush gets obsessive/stalker...drop her like a friggin' hot potato.

And, TBH, the fact that your friends think this is borderline pedo is sort of pervy on their end to me.

Couldn't agree more with all of that!

[Aeran]

Re: What do you guys think?

Half + 7 rule works every time.

18/2 + 7 = 16, so she's a year too young.

[thalassa]

Re: What do you guys think?

Half + 7 rule works every time.

18/2 + 7 = 16, so she's a year too young.

...he's not dating her...

[Vigdisdotter]

Re: What do you guys think?

Why are people assuming there is a romantic relationship between the OP and this girl? He said there isn't and assuming otherwise is basically calling him a liar. There is no "rule" about what age one's friends and acquaintances should be. And if someone told me there was, I'd tell them to stuff it. My social group includes people who are 50+ and the children of friends, the youngest just turned 7. I'm 38.

OP, as long as you have strong boundaries and can handle rebuffing her infatuation, there's nothing wrong with maintaining the friendship.

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: What do you guys think?

Half + 7 rule works every time.

18/2 + 7 = 16, so she's a year too young.

Never heard of that "rule"......hmm, so I could date a 35 year old....LOL

[Rowanwood]

Re: What do you guys think?

Anyone 26 and want a cougar? (Kidding, kidding)

[Bjorn]

Re: What do you guys think?

So I wasn't really sure where to put this post. Under debates maybe? Rants? idk. But anyhow. So I've been talking to a girl I've never actually met for about 3 years now, but not in an intimate way. Her older sister and I are very close. Rather, I've always been sort of a mentor figure to her. Her sister has always been ok with this and respects her sister's space and my opinions. However, recently the girl expressed an interest in me. I firmly, but gently told her no, but she won't let up. I wasn't sure what to do so I brought it to my friends. Immediately they started implying that I was a verging upon pedophilia and should never have even befriended this girl to with. Their advice was to just stop talking to her completely.

So what do you guys think? Was I wrong to begin with? or is this acceptable? and what should I do?

Firstly, this is not pedophilia. Hell, most of the 15-year-old girls I see nowadays have bigger racks than I do, so I sincerely doubt you're a pedophile.

However, it IS bordering on statutory rape. Obviously you haven't met her yet and therefore you haven't crossed any lines, but 15-year-old girls are sometimes delicate and it sounds like she's fabricated a fantasy around you. The best thing that you could do is very clearly maintain your boundaries and tell her to consider you more of an older brother role, a loving male role model with her best interests in heart that has NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER in her body.

And, just to frighten you away from considering meeting her for a date or perhaps more, statutory rape will make you a sex offender for life, you will do time, and you will have to register every time you move. My cousin did it and now he's a damn sex offender. Don't be stupid. Just be honest -- hey, it can't ever go down like that, I don't see you that way.

- - - Updated - - -

Half + 7 rule works every time.

18/2 + 7 = 16, so she's a year too young.

Uh, what? I'm sorry, I find this math equation to be a little ridiculous. If you can't tell how young is too young, you should probably not be dating at all. After people are 18, it doesn't matter anyway.