Ok, so I have a bit of a story to tell. It comes from my early years of getting into the Occult, leading up to almost a year ago.
It all began when I had begun to open up my mind to accepting that just maybe the Occult/Magic/Deep Spirituality worked, and I had been doing great amounts of research in these fields. I was essentially devouring any information I could get my grubby Magician hands on, eating it up like a starved man at the king's feast. It felt empowering, awesome, cool! I really felt connected to and interested in this stuff! Naturally then, I set out to find like minded people, and since I knew non offline, I started searching the web.
I had become a follower of 4Chan's /x/ board shortly after getting into the occult (I followed it before for the supernatural stuff, but the occult just made it that more appealing and led me to be on it more and more). Well, eventually I asked a question regarding something or other in a post, and got into contact with this guy (we exchanged skype names). We started chatting, going into long (often one sided and vague discussions) about life, the universe, religion, magic, and the like. After some time of talking, eventually I asked if he could "teach me more" and I became his "apprentice."
Now, this was awesome, every time I talked to him, I felt like I was learning more (usually he would go on and on about some topic, then ask me a vague question about it, I give some kind of "sage in training" answer and he commends me for being an amazing student). Admittedly, the advice he gave on focusing energy and meditation were really good (even if I already knew most of what he told me). However, as time went on, he more and more moved our discussions towards this thing he had barely mentioned to me before (this is after he introduced me to a magic user friend of his).
I had been talking to this friend, when she started talking about how she was a "Weaver" and that I seemed like one myself. She refused to tell me more about it, as if it were a grave secret however. Eventually I asked my "mentor" and he told me all about "Weavers, Wyrms, and Wyrds." Apparently from what he said, we all (those of us who he believed were actually living or sentient anyway, he said most people were just dumb puppets where extra spirits lived to just find a vessel, and that telling them about magic made them angry because they couldn't do it). He said people like "him, myself, and his friend" had special souls that represented archetypes.
The Weaver crafted reality using the "webs of fate," the worm ripped apart these webs to create new strands for the Weavers, and the Wyrds watched over it all like a judge of balance. Every time he and his friend spoke about it, I got drawn more and more into, soon I truly believed I was a "Weaver with my purpose in this world to weave reality to tell stories for other people's lives." I then tried convincing one of my friends he was a "Wyrm." I retold him the stories of how we were "chosen" ones who when our work of telling all the stories in the world was done, that the universe would "restart" and we would be freed from our prison on this plane of existence and become our "true forms." This is where the story gets ugly.
He resisted anything I said about this for a long time, already telling me earlier, that it seemed cult-like, but I told him he was being silly! Eventually he broke down and started believing he was a Wyrd, and was special like us. A Wyrm's job was supposed to be violent in a sense (and generally hurt the person who had the job I was later told), and slowly my friend's psyche went to shit. Among us "Special" people, we all developed this second persona that was supposed to be our "true" spirit." The Weaver spirits were supposed to be feminine and angelic. My "Wyrm" friend ended up developing one too, specifically a demon like and evil one. He slowly descended into a state of constant anger and started doing very unkind things, eventually however, he hurt someone emotionally, and it broke the spell for him. He suddenly withdrew from the whole thing, and told me how it had hurt him as well... this in turn drew me out of it very quickly. I talked with my friend for a very long time, and realized all the weird mind "controlling" stuff that had happened to me. I quickly broke away from my "Mentor" and have not spoken to him since, and have regained my relationship with my friend, thankfully.
However, before I withdrew myself, I confronted my "Mentor" about all of this, and he told me everything he got was from a roleplaying wiki called "white-wolf" which is apparently the place where information about the "Old World of Darkness Roleplaying Games" is kept. I looked into this, and it was true, the shit he had talked about was all there... from a roleplaying game. He tried to win me back over, saying the guy who created it filled it with "true magic and legend, and dark symbols of the truth in all things."
Needless to say, I was done with his BS.
After that... I thought I was done with his White-Wolf weirdness, and that it was a "one-time thing" but I later met another Magician who claimed to follow the same ideology (and was completely unrelated to my "mentor") and who swore that the White-Wolf information was near biblical law. They even claimed to have killed someone on accident when performing a ritual from the website with a group they were in (apparently this person was... disintegrated or teleported to a different dimension... by enclosing them in a box of mirrors and saying magic words...?). This just freaked me the fuck out, and I quickly dropped researching the Occult, and broke my contact with Occult individuals.
All in all, I would have never come back to it had it not been for my Patron Deity calling to me, and helping me realize that I had merely been drawn down a wrong road, and that I shouldn't fear all magic. I am now practicing magic again and quite happy... however I still remember those "Dark Days" where a lot of pain and distrust built up.
I guess, if anyone took the time to read this, what I really want to know was, was that really a cult? I personally have come to think it was, and I am not proud to say I was a whole-hearted member of it (in fact, this still eats away at me some-days, and makes me question things about myself). Are there actually people out there using a roleplaying website to create a cult and they are hurting and tricking people? Has anyone else met with these "White-Wolf" worshipers, or does anyone on this site know about "White-Wolf?" I just feel that I never got closure... to the whole thing, and it would be nice to hear what other people have to say.
Thank you for reading, and even more thanks if you reply!
(I am no longer affiliated with this group, so don't give me funny looks please... this was partly to let out my words pertaining to a traumatic time for me, and to try to find answers about what happened ;-; )
It all began when I had begun to open up my mind to accepting that just maybe the Occult/Magic/Deep Spirituality worked, and I had been doing great amounts of research in these fields. I was essentially devouring any information I could get my grubby Magician hands on, eating it up like a starved man at the king's feast. It felt empowering, awesome, cool! I really felt connected to and interested in this stuff! Naturally then, I set out to find like minded people, and since I knew non offline, I started searching the web.
I had become a follower of 4Chan's /x/ board shortly after getting into the occult (I followed it before for the supernatural stuff, but the occult just made it that more appealing and led me to be on it more and more). Well, eventually I asked a question regarding something or other in a post, and got into contact with this guy (we exchanged skype names). We started chatting, going into long (often one sided and vague discussions) about life, the universe, religion, magic, and the like. After some time of talking, eventually I asked if he could "teach me more" and I became his "apprentice."
Now, this was awesome, every time I talked to him, I felt like I was learning more (usually he would go on and on about some topic, then ask me a vague question about it, I give some kind of "sage in training" answer and he commends me for being an amazing student). Admittedly, the advice he gave on focusing energy and meditation were really good (even if I already knew most of what he told me). However, as time went on, he more and more moved our discussions towards this thing he had barely mentioned to me before (this is after he introduced me to a magic user friend of his).
I had been talking to this friend, when she started talking about how she was a "Weaver" and that I seemed like one myself. She refused to tell me more about it, as if it were a grave secret however. Eventually I asked my "mentor" and he told me all about "Weavers, Wyrms, and Wyrds." Apparently from what he said, we all (those of us who he believed were actually living or sentient anyway, he said most people were just dumb puppets where extra spirits lived to just find a vessel, and that telling them about magic made them angry because they couldn't do it). He said people like "him, myself, and his friend" had special souls that represented archetypes.
The Weaver crafted reality using the "webs of fate," the worm ripped apart these webs to create new strands for the Weavers, and the Wyrds watched over it all like a judge of balance. Every time he and his friend spoke about it, I got drawn more and more into, soon I truly believed I was a "Weaver with my purpose in this world to weave reality to tell stories for other people's lives." I then tried convincing one of my friends he was a "Wyrm." I retold him the stories of how we were "chosen" ones who when our work of telling all the stories in the world was done, that the universe would "restart" and we would be freed from our prison on this plane of existence and become our "true forms." This is where the story gets ugly.
He resisted anything I said about this for a long time, already telling me earlier, that it seemed cult-like, but I told him he was being silly! Eventually he broke down and started believing he was a Wyrd, and was special like us. A Wyrm's job was supposed to be violent in a sense (and generally hurt the person who had the job I was later told), and slowly my friend's psyche went to shit. Among us "Special" people, we all developed this second persona that was supposed to be our "true" spirit." The Weaver spirits were supposed to be feminine and angelic. My "Wyrm" friend ended up developing one too, specifically a demon like and evil one. He slowly descended into a state of constant anger and started doing very unkind things, eventually however, he hurt someone emotionally, and it broke the spell for him. He suddenly withdrew from the whole thing, and told me how it had hurt him as well... this in turn drew me out of it very quickly. I talked with my friend for a very long time, and realized all the weird mind "controlling" stuff that had happened to me. I quickly broke away from my "Mentor" and have not spoken to him since, and have regained my relationship with my friend, thankfully.
However, before I withdrew myself, I confronted my "Mentor" about all of this, and he told me everything he got was from a roleplaying wiki called "white-wolf" which is apparently the place where information about the "Old World of Darkness Roleplaying Games" is kept. I looked into this, and it was true, the shit he had talked about was all there... from a roleplaying game. He tried to win me back over, saying the guy who created it filled it with "true magic and legend, and dark symbols of the truth in all things."
Needless to say, I was done with his BS.
After that... I thought I was done with his White-Wolf weirdness, and that it was a "one-time thing" but I later met another Magician who claimed to follow the same ideology (and was completely unrelated to my "mentor") and who swore that the White-Wolf information was near biblical law. They even claimed to have killed someone on accident when performing a ritual from the website with a group they were in (apparently this person was... disintegrated or teleported to a different dimension... by enclosing them in a box of mirrors and saying magic words...?). This just freaked me the fuck out, and I quickly dropped researching the Occult, and broke my contact with Occult individuals.
All in all, I would have never come back to it had it not been for my Patron Deity calling to me, and helping me realize that I had merely been drawn down a wrong road, and that I shouldn't fear all magic. I am now practicing magic again and quite happy... however I still remember those "Dark Days" where a lot of pain and distrust built up.
I guess, if anyone took the time to read this, what I really want to know was, was that really a cult? I personally have come to think it was, and I am not proud to say I was a whole-hearted member of it (in fact, this still eats away at me some-days, and makes me question things about myself). Are there actually people out there using a roleplaying website to create a cult and they are hurting and tricking people? Has anyone else met with these "White-Wolf" worshipers, or does anyone on this site know about "White-Wolf?" I just feel that I never got closure... to the whole thing, and it would be nice to hear what other people have to say.
Thank you for reading, and even more thanks if you reply!
(I am no longer affiliated with this group, so don't give me funny looks please... this was partly to let out my words pertaining to a traumatic time for me, and to try to find answers about what happened ;-; )
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