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    #31
    Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

    The thing to remember about depression is that it is like trying to nail jelly (jello???) to a wall. Like trying to fight mist. You'll get good days, not so good ones and downright bleeding awful ones. You'll get good months, good years even, and then things change. Because that is what real, persistent depression is like. Now - not all depression is the same. This is important. Some people go through a bad phase, recover and that's that. Never again. Others suffer bad phases one year and not the next. But for some... it's always there.

    Nobody knows at the moment what you and your partner are going to face. And in my experience that can be a great strength because it encourages you to take one day at a time, to never take anything for granted.

    Not sure of your tastes in music, Bjorn but this is a brilliant song about depression by a Welsh Band called the Manic Street Preachers: http://youtu.be/6m6PP6l2Duw

    Even if you don't like the tune, the lyrics are brilliant. (And the reference to Winston Churchill is because he suffered from depression and called it the black dog on his shoulder.)

    Horrible though the future sometimes looks, remember that if you truly love each other, then anything is possible. Because love - real love - is stronger than anything. But if love is constantly one sided, that's something else again...
    www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


    Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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      #32
      Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

      Originally posted by Tylluan Penry View Post
      The thing to remember about depression is that it is like trying to nail jelly (jello???) to a wall.
      I think both words fit the purpose.

      Comment


        #33
        Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

        Originally posted by Tylluan Penry View Post
        Mr Penry and I have been manacled together (did I tell you about the ball and chain, a real one, that he bought me for my birthday one year?)
        My hubby was given a ball and chain (yes, also a real one), made by his brother (weighed about 12-15 kg) at his bucks night, hehe sucker!

        I'm sorry things haven't been going well Bjorn. I don't have any insight, or advice, on any of it. But I'm sending you my thoughts and love! xxxxx
        ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

        RIP

        I have never been across the way
        Seen the desert and the birds
        You cut your hair short
        Like a shush to an insult
        The world had been yelling
        Since the day you were born
        Revolting with anger
        While it smiled like it was cute
        That everything was shit.

        - J. Wylder

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          #34
          Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

          Sleep. Video games.

          He sleeps ALL THE TIME. Right up until 15 minutes before he has to leave for work. When he gets home he comes downstairs and plays video games until 5-8a, (it depends on the day), and then will sleep until 2:16pm in order to be at work by 3. On the weekends he will take several hour long naps and I simply can't get him out of bed to do anything -- and if I do, he goes for video games.

          Yes, it's gotten a tiny bit better concerning spending time with me but it comes and goes on his whims.




          How the fuck am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone who only wants to sleep? This has been going on for months, it is not because of his new meds. He just doesn't want to be awake.
          No one tells the wind which way to blow.

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            #35
            Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

            I can relate to the just wanting to sleep. I've been there in the past. Right now all I want to do is hide from everyone. It's not an easy thing to deal with. Sometimes it helps when you have a goal or something really meaningful in life to work towards. Not always. Part of it is choice and the other part is the brain functioning properly. Another thing that helps is when you're able to become more aware of your problems, what they are and what their triggers are, so forth. I know I'd be lost if I didn't have my one friend texting me and helping me to feel like I'm worth something to one person.

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              #36
              Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

              The sleeping thing is the depression.

              It's possible that these new meds are actually NOT working, which is why he's so withdrawn and disconnected all the time.

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                #37
                Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                Meds can cause fatigue too. And they take a long time - often months - to kick in.

                That said, I reckon the video games are a type of self hypnosis or something.

                You two do need to talk. And you need to find a way through this - but it has to be both of you, not just you. Though remember that you won't each be pulling equally all the time. Sometimes one and then another. But overall it should be just about equal. Hard work, and desperately unrewarding sometimes.

                Get talking again. (And unplug his computer, game-box thingy if you have to.)
                And good luck.
                www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                  Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
                  Sleep. Video games.

                  He sleeps ALL THE TIME. Right up until 15 minutes before he has to leave for work. When he gets home he comes downstairs and plays video games until 5-8a, (it depends on the day), and then will sleep until 2:16pm in order to be at work by 3. On the weekends he will take several hour long naps and I simply can't get him out of bed to do anything -- and if I do, he goes for video games.

                  Yes, it's gotten a tiny bit better concerning spending time with me but it comes and goes on his whims.




                  How the fuck am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone who only wants to sleep? This has been going on for months, it is not because of his new meds. He just doesn't want to be awake.
                  Has he had his hormone levels checked by a doctor? Low testosterone can cause that kind of fatigue and apathy.

                  At the end of the day, it's probably not just a single issue. I think there are a ton of younger men out there (possibly women too, but speaking from my own perspective, I mainly see it in men) who, for a variety of reasons, have just switched off as far as their involvement in modern society is concerned and have retreated into doing just enough to pay the rent and afford food, then spending the rest of their time in solitary escapist pursuits (video games, books, internet forums, often drinking or smoking a lot of weed, etc). I've seen this in a lot of my friends and wider social circle, but sadly I don't think there's any one solution. Everyone has to find for themselves what it is that makes them feel like it's worth the effort of engaging with the world around them.

                  Obviously it's not something you can do for him, but it sounds like you need to try and talk to him about it. Understand why he's so disaffected and maybe open him up to looking at things that might help him reengage. You can't do much if he's not willing to at least examine his situation and try understand why he's so unhappy and disconnected, but if he is open to a level of introspection and self development to try break out of the rut he's in , then having your support and someone to talk to and bounce ideas off might make a big difference.

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                    #39
                    Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                    Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
                    Thank you so much to everyone who offered opinions and insight. Every single one of you helped.

                    Anyone with experiences first or second hand with depression, please let me know more. I need more education!
                    Both me and my boyfriend struggle with it and we deal with it in very different ways, which makes things tricky sometimes.

                    I tend to get really clingy and need a lot of attention. I can also lash out when I'm upset and say things that I really don't mean. My moods also swing up and down...I have seasonal depression and it's really contingent on the weather. When it's a sunny winter day and I manage to get out for a bit of fresh air, I tend to be a bit cheerier but when it's dark and rainy, I'm miserable and generally miserable to be around. I also get really tired for long periods of time and I have trouble doing things, which bothers my boyfriend a lot because he sees it as laziness.

                    He, on the other hand, tends to retreat. He just wants to do his own thing and not have to deal with anything else. He plays computer games, edits photos, and watches YouTube for hours on end. He went through two bad phases of this since we've lived together, once when he was working the night shift at a hostel, and then for a few months following that after he lost that job.

                    The real trouble tends to be when we both go through a down period at the same time, because he wants to be alone and I crave affection. I found that the best way to deal with it is to talk about it, because then each of us understands a little bit of what the other is going through. Sounds like you got that figured out as well, so keep up the communication!

                    - - - Updated - - -

                    Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
                    Sleep. Video games.

                    He sleeps ALL THE TIME. Right up until 15 minutes before he has to leave for work. When he gets home he comes downstairs and plays video games until 5-8a, (it depends on the day), and then will sleep until 2:16pm in order to be at work by 3. On the weekends he will take several hour long naps and I simply can't get him out of bed to do anything -- and if I do, he goes for video games.

                    Yes, it's gotten a tiny bit better concerning spending time with me but it comes and goes on his whims.




                    How the fuck am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone who only wants to sleep? This has been going on for months, it is not because of his new meds. He just doesn't want to be awake.

                    I can also relate. My BF also does that sometimes. He'll sleep until 2 pm and it's hard to make plans, because I'm generally a morning person and I'm up between 6 am and 9 am (depending on the season...winter makes me sleep in because my body usually wakes up an hour or so after dawn). I usually like to relax in the morning, but at some point I want to eat a breakfast together and go do something and with him that can be like pulling teeth. He also tends to stay up all night, which is really frustrating. It's the depression though. Depression can make you tired and can also result in insomnia, which doesn't help the situation at all. My best advice is to make some plans in advance. If you have something that you plan to do in the morning, sometimes it can get him up, even if those plans consist of a decadent homemade breakfast.

                    It could also be the anti-depressants. I only had a brief trial of them because they made me feel like a zombie, but they also made me insanely tired, especially at first. It's a common side effect in the beginning and it could wear off after a while.

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                      #40
                      Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                      It's over. I dumped him via text because I lost my shit over his complete lack of caring.

                      Now I simply hope I have a place to stay.
                      No one tells the wind which way to blow.

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                        #41
                        Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                        WAIT WAIT WAIT

                        Via text? No, no. Even if he sucks donkeys, please talk to him to really end it. Just for your own sake. Real closure either way, man.

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                          #42
                          Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                          Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
                          It's over. I dumped him via text because I lost my shit over his complete lack of caring.

                          Now I simply hope I have a place to stay.
                          Wow. Not sure which was worse, not showing the emotion you expect or the lack of emotion that is revealed by dumping a person via a text message.
                          I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                            Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
                            It's over. I dumped him via text because I lost my shit over his complete lack of caring.

                            Now I simply hope I have a place to stay.
                            I can understand wanting to do it via text to be honest. There's a sense of at least forced not losing your shit over it. Though after the fact, please talk to him. But let it be known up front you are talking to him out of respect for the relationship and not to get back together. No matter how emotional you get. You may even just text him saying you know what? I'm too emotional at this moment. Let's talk. But not now.

                            And I'm sorry you are going through this.
                            Satan is my spirit animal

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                              #44
                              Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                              Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                              I can understand wanting to do it via text to be honest. There's a sense of at least forced not losing your shit over it. Though after the fact, please talk to him. But let it be known up front you are talking to him out of respect for the relationship and not to get back together. No matter how emotional you get. You may even just text him saying you know what? I'm too emotional at this moment. Let's talk. But not now.

                              And I'm sorry you are going through this.
                              Perhaps an age or area thing but every woman i've ever spoken to about dumping by text has said they only did it that way when there was no emotional or long term connection desired to begin with. Didn't matter whether they were students in the school system or adults up to their 50's they all said the same. Makes one wonder I suppose about what was there to begin with from my perspective.
                              I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

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                                #45
                                Re: Feeling Ignored and Unimportant

                                Now he is assuring me I'll be voted out of the house because he's with the other roommate now. I did NOTHING wrong. WTF.
                                No one tells the wind which way to blow.

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