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Dating people many years your senior

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    Dating people many years your senior

    I'm coming up on a year of dating somebody who's quite a bit older than me. Our current ages makes this a relative non-issue, aside from pressure from our families.

    We're both in the mindset to be in this for the long haul, but I can't help but consider possible downsides later on in our lives, if, for example, we end up being married. Has anybody here been in a similar situation, and can you provide any advice?

    For scope, my partner is 17 years older than me.

    #2
    Re: Dating people many years your senior

    My husband is 7 years older than me and my Step-Mom is 12 years younger than my Dad. No difficulties from anyone that I've ever run into and if there is someone who DOES have a problem with it, then they can stick it... they probably don't have any influence on my life, anyway.
    �Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.�
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      #3
      Re: Dating people many years your senior

      My brother is married to a woman almost twice his age and has been married for quite some years now with no issues. To give you an idea one of her sons by a previous marriage is the same age as my brother.

      I think where it comes into play a lot is when the woman is still in her early 20's or late teens then it almost looks like a gold digger relationship. The same is said of males but then it seems many think that is more about sex than money for some reason.
      I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

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        #4
        Re: Dating people many years your senior

        It never seemed to work for me, when the age difference increased too much, but that was primarily a function of similar likes and wants out of life. If you aren't looking to have kids, its sort of a non-issue, but when you get older it can be hard. I have a friend who was widowed by thirty since her husband was older and another who just retired as her husband died (20 years there) so there can be things to consider, if you are in it for the long haul. Its not that you shouldn't love someone because they will likely die first, but its something you have to be prepared for, in a pragmatic sense.

        I married a younger man, but only by a few months.

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          #5
          Re: Dating people many years your senior

          Thank you!

          I wonder, as we get older, if there will be issues in terms of a general decline in health for the older partner and whether it'll impact the relationship at all. Has that been an issue?

          - - - Updated - - -

          Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
          It never seemed to work for me, when the age difference increased too much, but that was primarily a function of similar likes and wants out of life. If you aren't looking to have kids, its sort of a non-issue, but when you get older it can be hard. I have a friend who was widowed by thirty since her husband was older and another who just retired as her husband died (20 years there) so there can be things to consider, if you are in it for the long haul. Its not that you shouldn't love someone because they will likely die first, but its something you have to be prepared for, in a pragmatic sense.

          I married a younger man, but only by a few months.
          Thanks for this. We both want kids, but he is over 40 and I think about the child having a very old father and feel conflicted.

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            #6
            Re: Dating people many years your senior

            Originally posted by KarrinMurphy View Post

            Thanks for this. We both want kids, but he is over 40 and I think about the child having a very old father and feel conflicted.
            I guess I don't consider "over 40" ancient for kids though...I'm 38 and my daughter isn't yet three. I haven't ruled out having more, if situation and finances were to allow for it. So I could easily be an over 40 mom. So if he's 42? No problem. If he's 49 going on 70, if you know what I mean, that may not work.


            And please don't take this wrong, but I've always wondered what a 40 something year old man could really have (out of the sack anyway) with a 20 something. Such a different place in your life..usually. Though, I suppose not everyone grows up at the same pace. However, if I were to find myself suddenly single? Though I probably look young enough to have a 20 something man, I don't think that would do a thing for me.

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              #7
              Re: Dating people many years your senior

              Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
              I guess I don't consider "over 40" ancient for kids though...
              The only thing I can really see an issue with anything over 40 and having kids is in mothers the older you are after 40, apparently more and more issues come up with having the child and risk of mental disorders. But I'm honestly not sure if this carries over with the fathers being older as well
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                #8
                Re: Dating people many years your senior

                Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
                I guess I don't consider "over 40" ancient for kids though...I'm 38 and my daughter isn't yet three. I haven't ruled out having more, if situation and finances were to allow for it. So I could easily be an over 40 mom. So if he's 42? No problem. If he's 49 going on 70, if you know what I mean, that may not work.


                And please don't take this wrong, but I've always wondered what a 40 something year old man could really have (out of the sack anyway) with a 20 something. Such a different place in your life..usually. Though, I suppose not everyone grows up at the same pace. However, if I were to find myself suddenly single? Though I probably look young enough to have a 20 something man, I don't think that would do a thing for me.
                No offense taken. I've heard that quite a lot. My mother actually called him a pedophile (I'm 24 years old, haha).

                I have a close friend who's the same age as my partner, and he acts OLD. I have no interest in him whatsoever, only because our lifestyles are so different and his personality is..old. If that makes sense.

                My partner acts like a late twentysomething. He looks like a late twentysomething. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he doesn't relate well to people his age at all, much as he tries. Also, his looks tend to be off-putting to people from his generation, and most people who are interested in him are around my age.

                Conversely, I don't tend to look or act my age very often, so it works itself out somewhere around the middle, I think.

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                  #9
                  Re: Dating people many years your senior

                  one things for certain you are never going to find out unless you try...what matters is being happy and being nice to each other...

                  if others don't like it...tough...none of their business

                  Judith is 14 years younger than I and we are soul mates...happy together, sad apart

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                    #10
                    Re: Dating people many years your senior

                    My mom is 6 years older than than my dad. They've been married happily for many years. I don't see any problem with dating or marrying anyone who is your senior.
                    Anubisa

                    Dedicated and devoted to Lord Anubis and Lady Bast. A follower of the path of Egyptian Wicca.

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                      #11
                      Re: Dating people many years your senior

                      Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
                      It never seemed to work for me, when the age difference increased too much, but that was primarily a function of similar likes and wants out of life. If you aren't looking to have kids, its sort of a non-issue, but when you get older it can be hard. I have a friend who was widowed by thirty since her husband was older and another who just retired as her husband died (20 years there) so there can be things to consider, if you are in it for the long haul. Its not that you shouldn't love someone because they will likely die first, but its something you have to be prepared for, in a pragmatic sense.

                      I married a younger man, but only by a few months.
                      Agreed. There's also the issue of the other person slowing down much earlier than you. I have some friends who had parents with significant age differences and it became a problem for them when that happened.

                      Age differences never worked for me either, but I think I managed to attract a lot of guys who wanted to have flings with attractive younger women and didn't really have the ability to see through it. That doesn't describe all relationships with age differences though.

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                        #12
                        Re: Dating people many years your senior

                        The only thing that causes me possible concern, is not now, but in 30 plus years, when he is 70 something, and you're only 50 something. Decline of health, and yet there is a possibility you could still have kids at home. Some people die in their 60's. But that's not for a long way down the track - longer again than you've lived I'd say!

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                          #13
                          Re: Dating people many years your senior

                          As long as both (or all) partners are over the age of consent, age shouldn't matter.

                          Of course, it always matters to everyone outside the relationship. Grow a thick skin & good luck!
                          The forum member formerly known as perzephone. Or Perze. I've shed a skin.

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                            #14
                            Re: Dating people many years your senior

                            My parents have a ten-year gap between them. My dad, the older one, actually has another son from another marriage. Everything is working out there, fortunately. My mother's friend here in Canada has an even bigger gap, in that her husband is 15 years, and they get along perfectly well. They've "grown up" together, in a way.

                            I'll just add into the chorus here and say, it's all about priorities. If your goals match, then age isn't important. There's much more important things. And screw anyone who says otherwise, it's not their marriage.

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                              #15
                              Re: Dating people many years your senior

                              I know it's late, but thank you to everyone.

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