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    So, Poly amorous relationships

    A few months back, i sort of "realized myself" as poly amorous. I could go in debth, explaining my psychological theories for why i feel the way i do, but i feel to save you from my rambling, i'll keep it short.

    To clarify, I am straight, and by physiological and somewhat culturally conditioned definition, male. I realize i wanted a relationship in a group with at least three other people, not for any sexual desires, but for social and emotional support as a group. I'd be uncomfortable with the thought of a "core" partner, but would rather have a relationship where all are equal, and the relationship is "open" withinthe group.

    Enough about me. What i want to hear are your thoughts on the matter, from a social, psychological, or cultural, but obviously mainly from a Religious point of view.

    Blessed be, and thank you.

    #2
    Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

    I've known a few people who tried it, and it always ended horribly for all involved.

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      #3
      Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

      Poly is not for me. I don't look down on it either. I figure you have to be a bigger person then most to not fall prey to jealousy and in-fights etc. I can't even share my make-up, let alone my man.
      Satan is my spirit animal

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        #4
        Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

        The way i see it, it's not about sharing or separating, t's about expanding the relationship, no? I mean, To me, it'd feel equally as romantic to see two of my partners holding each other as if they were holding me. Given that i can trust them, but if I can't trust my partner, it wouldn't work as a monogomous relationship either,right?

        Basically, i guess what i'm looking for is a relationship where all people can just be comfortable in the group together, and respect each other enough to be able to make out with one partner without the other being jealous, and if there is jealousy and insecurity, again, the relationship wouldn't work as monogamous either, right?

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          #5
          Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

          Originally posted by Medusa View Post
          Poly is not for me. I don't look down on it either. I figure you have to be a bigger person then most to not fall prey to jealousy and in-fights etc. I can't even share my make-up, let alone my man.
          ^Same.

          I've known quite a few Neo-Pagans who claim to be in polyamorous relationships, but I've not actually witnessed any of the goings-on with said relationships so I don't know how well they work out or not.

          It's not something that I have any manner of objection to - but I couldn't do it for the reasons that a) I'm happy, in love with and devoted to my wife, b) I do not feel that it's possible for me to personally fully "love" multiple people as I would my soulmate equally and without bias and c) I am far too jealous to stand anyone I would see as competition in our relationship. I still have hangups about my wife's high school boyfriend for crying out loud - I can't imagine her with anyone else.

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            #6
            Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

            A polyamorous relationship MAY work if it is what everyone really wants. Unfortunately in the ones I've seen (and admittedly they've been few and far between) some are looking for a one-2-one relationship and trying to convince themselves (a) that they can accept something else or that (b) the person they want an exclusive relationship with will change their mind eventually.
            That sort of situation rarely works out.

            Polyamory wouldn't work for me. Or for Mr Penry. I'm not sharing that man with anyone...
            www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


            Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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              #7
              Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

              I've seen several and they've all ended very badly. However, I know there are a few people on the board who either are in one or have tried to be in one. Maybe they'll have some insight?

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                #8
                Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
                I've seen several and they've all ended very badly.
                Most relationships I've seen ended badly, period. That's the thing about relationships, they always end it's rarely pretty. The important thing is if it was good for them, or at the very least they learned something from it.
                Trust is knowing someone or something well enough to have a good idea of their motivations and character, for good or for ill. People often say trust when they mean faith.

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                  #9
                  Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                  I'm in one, though neither of us have regular partners at the moment. But I'm also getting ready for work. So I will comment more later!


                  Mostly art.

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                    #10
                    Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                    Originally posted by Denarius View Post
                    Most relationships I've seen ended badly, period. That's the thing about relationships, they always end it's rarely pretty. The important thing is if it was good for them, or at the very least they learned something from it.
                    I don't want to derail the thread, but 1. not all relationships end prior to someone dying 2. no, they don't all end badly. I remained friends with more than one person I was in a relationship with that didn't work out.

                    I thought you weren't interested or experienced in relationships? And people only rant about the bad ones; It's boring to hear about my healthy friendship with an ex.

                    The few poly relationships I saw, admittedly from the outside, seemed to have a lot of control and jealousy issues and usually ended in a huge explosion of someone suddenly being homeless or arrested. I think that's a bit above the norm of a breakup. I'm sure that's not the only outcome, but it's the only one I've seen. Sorry I did not clarify.

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                      #11
                      Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                      Not really in one, but we've considered it. I'm not interested in having another sexual partner. But I've always been very clear that if the hubby wanted to pursue another female I only have a few rules. 1) They know about me and my opinion on the matter. 2) They do not try in any way, shape, or form to end the relationship between the hubby and me. 3) They have an STD panel done before entering into a physical relationship. (If anything happened between the hubby and me and I was one day looking for a partner, I would definitely require this, and provide it, of/for any potential partner. It may seem insulting, but I'm not chancing it when there's a perfectly good way to prevent it.)

                      Me and the hubby actually considered a girl who we'd met online and been talking to as a friend for some time. We had some serious conversations and just about moved her up here a couple times, but it never panned out.
                      We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

                      I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
                      It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
                      Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
                      -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

                      Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

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                        #12
                        Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                        Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
                        not all relationships end prior to someone dying.
                        Didn't say that they did.

                        Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
                        they don't all end badly.
                        Again, didn't say that they did.

                        Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
                        I thought you weren't interested or experienced in relationships?
                        Depends on what you mean by "relationship," but yes in general.

                        Originally posted by Rowanwood View Post
                        people only rant about the bad ones
                        Ha, as if people actually talk to me about their relationships. I mean what I said, the vast majority of sexual relationships that I know of ended badly.

                        Usually with cops involved, clothes on the lawn, and/or something being set on fire or bashed to pieces. Or one or both of them die usually from heart disease, diabetes, or as a result of alcoholism.

                        That might have more to do with living on a reservation though, it's kind of a crappy place.
                        Trust is knowing someone or something well enough to have a good idea of their motivations and character, for good or for ill. People often say trust when they mean faith.

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                          #13
                          Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                          I suppose it's possible for the right kinds of people to find each other and form healthy poly relationships. Jealousy and viciousness seem ingrained in a significant portion of the population in these matters, though.
                          Children love and want to be loved and they very much prefer the joy of accomplishment to the triumph of hateful failure. Do not mistake a child for his symptom.
                          -Erik Erikson

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                            #14
                            Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                            Originally posted by Clive View Post
                            Jealousy and viciousness seem ingrained in a significant portion of the population in these matters, though.
                            I agree, and I think this is sad. We can see that neurotic problems such as anxiety and narcissism is much higher amongst children born between 1980 and 2000, in comparison with earlier decades (I'm sorry, I don't have a refference to the article, but if you look around, i'm sure you can find it). Personally, I've had terrible problems with anxiety, trust issues, and literally a phobia of women for a while. But I got to learn to trust, and respect, and now days I feel I really wouldn't have more of a problem in a polygamous relationship than I would in a monogamous one.

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                              #15
                              Re: So, Poly amorous relationships

                              I've met people in polyamorous relationships before. From what I understand, communication and consent among all involved is key. That can be easier said than done! When you add three or more people to a relationship, the logistics can get a bit complicated. You've got to get everyone on the same page is what I'm saying, I guess.

                              Poly isn't for me and I'm a bit uncomfortable with the concept. As long as all people involved are consenting adults, though, eh. More power to 'em. No skin off my teeth.

                              Religiously, I've never been part of a tradition that has anything to say about polyamory, though I did explore Hinduism for awhile which values either celibacy or monogamy. My personal spiritual beliefs lean toward the importance of asexuality and celibacy, but I'm not going to judge anyone who wants one or more partners (again, as long as all those involved give consent.)
                              Blog: http://thestarsafire.tumblr.com

                              Kuchi wa wazawai no moto (the mouth is the origin of disasters)

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