Body Image

[B. de Corbin]

Re: Body Image

As a lone wolf, opting out of a lot of that is fine. But for those who want a family, etc., the odds are improved by being attractive to as many potential partners as possible (to increase the odds of finding a good match).

OK, people make choices based on what it is they want, since one can't have everything (some things being mutually exclusive, if for no other reason).

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: Body Image

OK, people make choices based on what it is they want, since one can't have everything (some things being mutually exclusive, if for no other reason).

Yes. People do things in anticipation of, or hope for, some kind of reward that's important to them.

[Rowanwood]

Re: Body Image

As a lone wolf, opting out of a lot of that is fine. But for those who want a family, etc., the odds are improved by being attractive to as many potential partners as possible (to increase the odds of finding a good match).

But what does a "good match" mean?

Does it mean I have to be 5'6" with blonde hair, blue eyes, a tan and size 4 to find someone worthy of making spawn with?

Because that's stupid.

Fat people, ugly people, disabled people, REGULAR PEOPLE have happy marriages and wonderful babies all day long. Body image BS just makes you hate what you are and how is that attractive to anybody?

Being clean, thoughtful and caring are good. Having the right size ass that fashion magazine say you should? Who cares? Someone worthy of loving you and raising your babies certainly won't either. Anyone who judges you to exclusion based on your looks, immediately dismissing you? They aren't a good match for you. End of story.


Accepting yourself as who you are doesn't require you to drop out of society. All you have to do is drop out of the idea that you give a crap what some vapid broken person thinks and just do your thing. I think you find BETTER matches that way.

And again, to me that doesn't mean you can't use deodorant or shave your face or your butt or whatever. You can get surgery and have blue hair. On your own terms.

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: Body Image

By 'good" I mean compatible with the seekers desired traits in a partner. Just reporting on what I've observed this last half-century!

[DanieMarie]

Re: Body Image

I've been conventionally attractive for most of my life and I don't think it got me anything I have now. I have a boyfriend who loves me for the person I am now. Sure, he's attracted to me, but I think he would be if I looked "different" as well. "Pretty" people get jobs easier, but I think that's mostly true of jobs where people see you. I write freelance on the internet and no one knows what I look like (unless they bother to google me..then they might know what I look like). Anyway, good things can happen to anyone.

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: Body Image

I did the 'conventionally attractive' thing in my 20's and was pretty miserable! To each their own, like with anything else.......

[Rowanwood]

Re: Body Image

Well, some of us are just conventionally weird looking. No point in trying to look like I'm "supposed to" because I can't. I just don't look like that. Why beat my head against a wall?

Most people don't think I'm hot, except people who are into pre-raphaelite paintings, yet I don't seem to have a problem with being "attractive" in the sense of "attracting people to me."

It really doesn't matter unless you let it.

[nbdy]

Re: Body Image

Amen to Rowan. The way you feel about yourself tends to become how others feel about you, too. And, no, I did not come to that realization until I had given a fair bit of hard-earned money to a cosmetics industry I did not need. It boggles my mind how absolutely beautiful people are in their youths, and how oblivious most of them are to that fact.

I am also intrigued by the trend to objectify young men. I recall people in body building or serious cyclists doing body hair removal, but now it seems that hairlessness for men has become "sexy" in commercials. Guess we'll see where it goes. We are lazy, hairy people at my house. *shrug*

[anunitu]

Re: Body Image

I was considered good looking when young,however I was NOT conventional( I was the weird beat guy in HS) Had long hair back in 62-63 before it became "Hip" Read what was considered weird stuff,hung out in North Beach in SF with other "Beats" Wore a military combat jacket I got at a surplus store,and combat boots(ww2 surplus). I was completely unaware of my good looks,never occurred to me,and I was a bit off-putting to people because of my unconventional ideas. It is funny because once at the grocery store when I was married,the check out girl was flirting very hard at the checkout and this while my wife was right there with me, My wife mentioned it after,but I had not been aware it was happening. That is just how I am,kinda not aware of others and their reactions. I am by my nature not "Normal" concerning physical beauty,I see more the inner person. I was told by a shrink I live inside my head,and have a completely different world view than everyone else that are "Normal"

[Ektor]

Re: Body Image

I often get complained at for my choice to let my hair and beard grow long. My girl loves it, and honestly, it's much better to be with a person that supports the way you look and loves you the same than to fill your mind with beauty standards that are only made to hurt you into buying stuff.
I think this demand that we all need to pair with someone perfect looking has everything to do with that.

@shack in the woods thing

I live in the middle of the third largest metropolitan area in Latin America, there's really no way for me to do that

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: Body Image

I remember a man telling me I was pretty but too bad I didn't have blue eyes. I was about 19. I never felt bad about not having blue eyes, I just thought he was rude and creepy.

[Bjorn]

Re: Body Image

HONESTY ALERT. Feel free to judge me but what's the point of answering if you're not going to be raw.

I get it. The whole 'body image' crisis thing because ever since I was little, I hated my body and I still do, and I mean HATE. I hate it in a way that would probably truly sadden people. I intimately, implicitly, completely loathe just about everything about my it. I hate my double chin. I hate my belly. I hate my tiny breasts. I hate my linebacker shoulders. I hate my short stumpy legs. I hate my huge wideness. I hate every angle. Every unwanted hair. Every zit, fold, area of softness. I hate photos of myself, I hate being reminded of what I look like, I pretty much hate it all except for my face (which is covered in dark marks and acne, which I also HATE).

So I get it. I do. If I wanted free, insincere validation then I'd post myself all over FB like half of my friends do. And yes, I think they're fishing for attention, though I don't think that behavior is exclusive to girls who are vain. More often than not, the girls I know who have SERIOUSLY low self esteem rarely post photos of themselves. We don't like to draw attention to the things that we're deeply insecure about, so photos aren't really logical.

As for fishing for compliments, frankly, I would like to. That would feel really great, just to tell the world "hey, right now I could really use a hand feeling good about my appearance, any help is appreciated!" How empowering. It's a simple request: just tell me I'm pretty damnit, tell me because this might just be the time that I believe it. Please. Remind me that I'm not a hideous troll. I just can't DO that. I don't want to display my weakness for everyone to see. I don't want to draw attention to my insecurities because I live with them every day, I see them in damn near every reflective surface I pass, and I hate that I HATE myself over something as trivial as being overweight. It's narcissistic no matter which way you slice it: either way, I spend a lot of time thinking about the way I look.

Admittedly, if I post a photo then I DO write up something self-effacing but not because I want someone to argue with me. It's because I want to maintain sarcastic humility and let people know that I'm aware of what I look like and am posting for reasons such as: haircut, jewelry, outfit, goofy faces, etc.

Because, you know, I'm clearly so much better than those who need validation and actually ask for it, however roundabout the request might be. I crave it and deny myself because I find it weak and pathetic.

I don't really think either is very healthy. I try to hold ladies in higher regard these days, especially those who hate themselves. I can tell the difference between someone who actually hates themselves and someone who is simply casting a net for a free confidence boost. I tell the latter to "shut up" after rolling my eyes and not saying a word to rebut their statement. To the girls who hate themselves, I shower them with confidence. They need it. They've got a lot of ground to cover and frankly, a compliment from a lady means more to me than one from a man. Men will lie. Women have no reason at all to try and make other women feel good about themselves.

[Medusa]

Re: Body Image

Sadly it's more acceptable to be self deprecating then to actually say out loud 'Hey, I'm a effing knockout world!' At least it is for someone who is not a perfect size whatever and exactly 21 years old. I probably shock more people when I post a pic and just say yes, this is beautiful me.

I also make sure to pump up my friends that need it.

I mean I have my insecurities. They just aren't about my looks. They are about my inability to express that emotion of love to another living human being. I handle my insecurities differently. But I can't make everyone be like me, and I can't be like everyone else. So just work with it, I guess.

[Denarius]

Re: Body Image

Men will lie. Women have no reason at all to try and make other women feel good about themselves.

Here's the thing, a lot of the time those women are lying too. Sometimes for a lot of the same reasons men make false compliments, but also just to make them feel good. Making someone feel good about themselves can make you feel good in turn.

Two different flavors of the same thing, people saying things they don't mean because they think they'll get something out of it. Everything is a lie, it's all just a matter of which you decide to believe.

Sincerity is impossible, some things are just egregiously insincere.