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    Dreams of my ex

    Ok well I know I might be lingering on this girl a bit, but I dont know what I can do. Recently I worked a split (kinda?), I worked 2pm-midnight and then I worked 7am-4pm the next day. I thought that maybe this all might be from lack of sleep or maybe me being over worked. I just woke up from that sleep (I came home and went to bed almost immediately) and I have the image of my ex burned into my brain. I spent 12hrs dreaming of her. This could all be fine and good except I havent seen her or talked to her in almost 4 years. I haven't dreamt of her in about 3 years. The dream starts with me in my apartment laying in bed. Next thing I know she is there laying in my arms talking to me. I dont remember what we were talking about but it felt like I spent 6-7hrs there just talking with her. the Next thing I remember is talking with her mom while doing dishes at our (yes we used to live together) old house. I woke up feeling empty(for lack of a better term). I cant explain the feeling very well, but I dont like it at all. I dont know why all of a sudden I would have a dream like this. Or why after 4 years I feel like I'm missing part of me............I really miss her............I just dont know what to do. She has since moved on without me and I doubt she even thinks of me anymore. So why..........why me........why do I hurt so much.........why cant I just move on.......
    Click Meh!!

    #2
    Re: Dreams of my ex

    hey- its okay. It hurts. And sometimes, the pain comes back, and it still hurts, and there is no reason why, it just... Does.

    I'm in a very happy long term relationship right now, with a woman who is frankly the one of my dreams, but my former fiance still pops up now and then, and it has nothing to do with lingering feelings for her... Just the fact that we were together so long. People can imprint on you, sometimes so much that its like a bit of their soul rubs off on you. That doesn't mean its shameful if they still feel a part of you, but it does mean that you need to find a way to let go.

    Letting go is hard, because when you're in a relationship for that long that person can become your rock, fill in missing bits of you.

    But I'm going to let you in on a secret-- those bits of you you feel are missing? They are in you. You just have to find them. I don't know where you would, or how, and its not an easy thing.

    I'm so very sorry you miss her, but know that what you're feeling is normal, and there will be happiness beyond this point for you, and other people to dream of.

    I hope that helped in some way. Take care of yourself. -Mal
    hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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      #3
      Re: Dreams of my ex

      Thanx Mal, I feel better about it now. I have a headache now, but that horrible feeling is gone. I still dont know why after so long (and with no warning) I all of a sudden felt like that. Maybe I'm just lonely....
      Click Meh!!

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        #4
        Re: Dreams of my ex

        It might be that. Loneliness can make our minds go back to many places we had camaraderie in, even if they are impossible to go back to.

        I'm sorry it came on so suddenly, but I'm very glad you're feeling better in general. Also sorry about the headache.
        hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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          #5
          Re: Dreams of my ex

          Thank you for your kind words Mal. Im glad I can post things like that here and get positive responses (I was a bit hesitant to post this one). I posted anyway, because I felt like I was going crazy and wanted someone's outside opinion. After a day or 2 of thinking about it, I see that I shouldn't let my past bring me pain now. I should let the good memories I have come back to my mind and think of what I might find in the future. Its been a weird few days but I think Ive grown a little.
          Click Meh!!

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            #6
            Re: Dreams of my ex

            Good! I'm glad you've come to that conclusion ^_^! These sort of things always take a bit of time, but grown is exactly what it seems you've done. You're welcome and glad I could help !

            And I'm glad you felt safe bringing it up here. This forum has been a place I've felt safe opening up about things, so its good its stayed that way for other people. IDK if you know how I got here, but when I came here it was just to ask one question and leave. I stuck around because the people and atmosphere were so great. Obviously like all forums there are scuff ups every once in a while, but its generally a pretty nice place.
            hey look, I have a book! And look I have a second one too!

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              #7
              Re: Dreams of my ex

              Originally posted by Haseo View Post
              Maybe I'm just lonely....
              This is what I was thinking, maybe you miss having a connection like that, maybe not specifically her, but in general. She may just represent that kind of connection or attachment, or family thing you have been a long time without. Like you said, you two were close, maybe you crave some closeness. Maybe your subconscious craves someone to chat idly with, or connect with.
              Or maybe it was an upset tummy and you need more sleep, it's hard to tell with dreams, but they give ya stuff to think about.
              http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

              But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
              ~Jim Butcher

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                #8
                Re: Dreams of my ex

                I think, also, that when we have something for a very long time and we need to make a transition to a new type of life, people have a tendency to sharply tuck away what they used to have into a corner of their mind or their heart. And we put a bubble around it so we don't have to look at it, then we move on. But when we start to relax and let down our guards, those feelings start coming back gradually and we start to remember the past. Knowing that we can never have that again will cause pain. But that knowledge isn't real. It is like Mal said, it is all just a part of you. You will never be able to find what you had, but you will find something else. And it will be different. And it will probably show you a side of yourself that you didn't know you had before. Just remember the love that you felt was your love, your emotion. It is you. It's something I try to remind people who have a hard time getting over their first love, too. That person didn't make you feel that way. It's the way you felt about them. You responded to something you liked and it turned into something you loved. It will happen again .

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