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    Friends with an Energy Vampire

    And I don't mean the purposeful kind.

    I've been friends with this man for about five years. He's interning at a law firm, he has a job at Home Depot, he has a lot of friends, but any conversation with him invariably ends up on the subject of how pathetic/ stupid/ worthless/ fat/ ugly/ useless he is.

    I understand he's depressed. He's actually being treated for it, but I do realize that doesn't make it all magically better. The problem I'm having is that it *never* gets any better. Every time I talk to him it ends up with me having to bolster his ego. Pointing out the fact that I have to keep propping him up just makes things worse because then he feels even more pathetic for needing the ego boost.

    I like talking to him and we can geek out over the dumbest things but I am exhausted!

    The other day he had a tweet featured on TV and I was glad he was happy about something but five minutes later he tossed out a line about how pathetic he was and I just thought: I can't do this anymore.

    Should I give him the ultimatum that I'll end all future conversation when it starts going downhill or just cut all contact? I honestly don't think he can stop.

    #2
    Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

    Sounds like his treatment isn't working that well.

    Is he actually taking medication?

    Honestly, you can't be everyone's saviour. Sometimes you have to step away in order for them to see that something needs to change. Either way, you aren't responsible for making him happy and you aren't responsible if he becomes even more depressed (or threatens something worse) if you were to step back from your interactions with him.

    I would have a serious chat to him about your feelings. Be honest and tell him what you've told us here. Sometimes people don't actually see how their depression affects others - it can go either way really; he may decide that he will give recovering a serious go or he may get worse. Again, you can support him - but for your own good, it will have to be at a distance if he's making you feel this way.

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      #3
      Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

      ^ Pretty much what he said. It's not your job to constantly prop him up and it's not fair of him to constantly unload his crap onto you, you need to talk to him and make that clear.

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        #4
        Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

        Yep. There needs to be a line, there, and it can be hard for people with poor self-esteem to realize if they are dragging everyone else down.

        You might want to try something like, "I'm sorry _______, but I don't have the energy to deal with that right now. Have you made a note to discuss this with your therapist? It sounds like something s/he might want to get into."
        Great Grandmother's Kitchen

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          #5
          Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

          I'm not counting his pills to make sure he's taking them. His doctor keeps changing the medication to try to find something that works. I've tried talking to him about dragging me down with him before. He just keeps slipping bback into his old habits.

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            #6
            Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

            Originally posted by Dahll Haus View Post
            I'm not counting his pills to make sure he's taking them. His doctor keeps changing the medication to try to find something that works. I've tried talking to him about dragging me down with him before. He just keeps slipping bback into his old habits.
            Who said anything about counting his pills?

            "He keeps slipping back into his old habits" - clearly, something's not working for him. Is that your problem? No. Is that your fault? No. Do you care? I'm certain you do, but you can't win his battles for him. Again, support from a distance - it's probably your best choice at this point.

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              #7
              Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

              I agree with Torey. You can't save everyone. And if this has been going on for a long while and you have tried your best to bolster him up and he hasn't done anything to help himself, sometimes people just don't want to be helped, unfortunately.
              Anubisa

              Dedicated and devoted to Lord Anubis and Lady Bast. A follower of the path of Egyptian Wicca.

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                #8
                Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

                I am curious though why this makes him an energy vampire? I have yet to come across an energy vamp that meets or exhibits the characteristics your describing for this person. An energy Vamp in my experiences tends to be very full of life and positive yet steals your energy, draining you. It's only when all around him / her are down does their energy level seem to fall but its seldom their mental outlook upon themselves or life in general that fails.

                What you describe sounds more psychological and mental than being an energy vamp. Almost bi-polar in action vice energy vamp.
                I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

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                  #9
                  Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

                  My old grandmother used to say 'There are none so stupid as them that don't want to do it.'
                  Sometimes - and apologies if this sounds harsh - people won't help themselves because they know that other people will help them and save them the bother.

                  My advice would be to step back and let him get on with it, at least for a while.
                  www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                  Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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                    #10
                    Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

                    It sounds like this person suffers from what I would call "Poor baby" syndrome. He seems to find "enablers" by playing up his negative "poor baby" side. As long as he "plays" sick people will take care of him. Not saying that depression isn't a real problem,but the only way out of depression(and this from personal experience) is to work for your own exit from it,and not think it is everyone else who must fix you,while you just glory in your "Poor Baby" role. Meds and therapy are great,but they will not alone help you if you do not fight for your own exit from depression.
                    MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

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                      #11
                      Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

                      I have dealt with a psychic vampire before, and I have gotten fatigued from it once. My advice is, like other people have mentioned, to distance yourself from him. That's what I had to do before.

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                        #12
                        Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

                        I rarely have these sort of friends. Just because of my general nature. But I did have a friend/co-worker who was like this. Always so full of drama that it spilled onto us *we have a mutual friend. So the friend got fired. And then I didn't have her as a friend. We stopped reaching out. We didn't explain. She's not bothered us since. Talking and explaining isn't going to really work. It will only give your friend another drama to live through.

                        Don't believe me?

                        Just wait.
                        Satan is my spirit animal

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                          #13
                          Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

                          I call him an energy vampire because he just sucks the energy out of you.

                          We had another talk. Apparently his latest batch of hugely depressing tweets and posts were him 'trying to be funny'. I agree; I think I'm just going to have to move away. (Not like, physically move my house away, but y'know what I mean . . . )

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                            #14
                            Re: Friends with an Energy Vampire

                            Good luck with the choice! Stick to your guns: the people who have been in my life with this sort of combination of mental health issues and bad attitude are often very good at making you feel guilty as heck for establishing a more formal, limited, relationship.
                            Great Grandmother's Kitchen

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